Moving Stresses?

Moving is a stressful time for anyone, but I think the stress is getting to the kids most right now. There are boxes everywhere, we just got rid of the piano, our routine has been blown out the window with me scouting housing, trying to pack, do school with them, etc. Plus, they're starting to understand that they aren't going to see their friends and our family as often anymore. I've had more than my share of "first months home flashbacks" lately! lol!

Basically, I'm having a bit of trouble with the kiddos right now. Yesterday Aleksa got in more hot water than she'd been in in the last six weeks altogether it seems like. She was seeking control alllll day long. Control of her siblings, control of herself, control of her mama... Uff. It was a long day. (And she's usually the easiest!)

Liana has been doing the best, actually. She gave her best friend a necklace that she kept the match to (One said "Friends" and one said "Forever"), and she got to spend the whole afternoon at her house on Sunday as a last hurrah type of a thing. She has choked up a few times thinking of leaving her friends/family, but I think that's *exactly* what a normal little 7yo would be feeling. No acting-out; she's handling life beautifully actually.

And then there's Adam. He has been hitting every single control button he has ever found all lately, only going overtime doing so. Because of his speech difficulties, we often ask him to say something differently, or correctly. Well, this morning I asked him to say, "What did she say?" again. He came up with about 500 different ways to possibly mangle that question, refusing to even come close to how it is supposed to be. That's his way of having control. We can't force what comes out of his mouth, so that's his "weapon" of choice with us. This afternoon, he couldn't read the word "mixed." Well, he CAN read the word "mixed" but he refused to do so. He said "mixed-ed," "mix-Edd" and about a half dozen variants, all the while refusing to say the correct one. It's weird to me that he thinks it hurts me when he doesn't read/say something right. He expects me to blow up at him, I'm pretty sure. That's odd to say, but truly, if he finds that something *remotely* annoys one of us, he jumps on it.

He has a new one too. He uses this one on his sisters quite often, and now in the last month or so has started to use it on me and John. He'll declare that he hates something, or that it is bad, or that he doesn't want to do something that everyone else thinks is fun - just to be annoying. Our homeschool group went bowling a few weeks ago, which we were all looking forward to. On the way there, we had to stop at the bank quick, during which time, he pulled his sisters aside and told them he HATED bowling, and that he was going to beg me to not make him go, and that he would not bowl, etc. Well, the girls got all ruffled about it, and they started crying, etc. I called his bluff, however, and told him he was welcome to sit in the car and do schoolwork while the rest of us had fun.

Yesterday, while I was looking online at houses, he told me he HATED the one I liked and that it was gross, and that he didn't want to go there, etc. It's just his control mechanism, apparently. His way of hanging onto some thread of control over his life. Perhaps many 11yo's do this, but this "kind" of thing fits well into how he wields control over other things.

All that to say: If you are looking for older kids, are you ready for them to look for and FIND your hot-buttons? How in-control of yourself are you? (Because they will needle you hard and long to see if you'll break). The more you break, the more often they'll needle you. Adam is _SO_ good at it. I've flunked out many, many times with him, and while I don't fail as often as I used to, I have definitely been challenged. What you don't think is in your heart will come floating to the top, truly, with a child who is not fully attached to you. Are you ready for the challenge of living 24/7 with a child who is on a constant seek-and-destroy mission to wear you down and see what you're made of? Are you a rock? Or are you close enough to BECOME a rock in short order? Because you can NOT blow up at these kids. You just can't. (In fact, at this *very* minute, Adam is doing it again. He has never heard the word "minutes" he says, so he doesn't know how to say it. He sure gets an A+ for creativity in how many different ways it could be possibly said, however!)

It is a challenge to parent older kids. It is a joy, but there are challenges too. Their hurts are deep, and their fears often control them. Fear of letting someone into their life, fear of letting go what threads of power they might feel they have. Can you be stronger than our emotions and not give in when they challenge you? Can you absolutely NOT let your child rule the house like that "bad Papa at McDonalds?") If you can, you can succeed at tearing down those walls around their hearts. You will have victories, and great joys in your parenting. If you are the kind of person that lets your emotions control you, you're in for a very long haul, I'm afraid.

That said, I still wouldn't have done it any other way, and we will be looking for older kids if we ever adopt again...

Bad Papas

I have to tell you all about what happened at McDonalds the other day. We were all sitting in a booth directly across from (and almost uncomfortably close to) another one with a man and his maybe 4yo little girl. The little girl started whining horribly that she wanted more chicken nuggets, and the dad kept saying, "no." Well, she kept it up until finally the dad had enough... and he got up, said, "Ok, fine," and went and bought her what she wanted. !.

John and I shot some raised eyebrows at each other, but Liana broke our silence. She couldn't believe it either, evidently, because very bewildered-like, she said, "That papa is going to buy her chicken nuggets! She made her papa buy her chicken nuggets!" She was shocked, shocked, shocked. I asked her, "Liana, what did he just teach that little girl?" And she very wisely said, "To whine some more whenever she wants something."

"Yup."

I was sooooo proud of her!

20 Months Home!

Happy Easter, everyone!

Wow, so much has happened this last month! The biggest, most earth-shattering news is that John got a new job in Minneapolis, and we'll be moving up there as soon as possible. We're hoping to find a house in Hudson, WI, though, just across the river from the Cities. We'll see. John actually signs the contract tomorrow, (er, today, depending one when you're reading this!) He was off shootin' at some food the other day, and all of a sudden up through the ground came this job... ;O) That's almost what happened. They found him, not vice versa, so this was a sudden (and very welcomed!) surprise. We're going to hate moving away from family and friends, but well, the next chapter of the Fisher Adventure is about to start! John's first day of work is May 8th. (!). The kids are excited, but I don't think they fully understand what all of this means. Adam is ecstatic at the thought of getting a dog. Hopefully it will work out that we can buy a house instead of rent one, but I don't want to rush into anything. Wanna get what I want, if you know what I mean... But, well, probably what I want isn't quite going to happen right away anyway. (I may have mentioned my dream of a farmhouse with a few goats in the yard...) (I know, I'm weird. Guess I need to pack up and move to Ukraine!) ;O)

Anyway, that's been the major bulk of what's been going through my brain lately. It has eaten my life, as a matter of fact. (Anything ever done that to you?) Thankfully, I did the girls' Easter dresses before any of this started up, so they were set for Easter. The Boys got their matching shirts again, too. And, they wound up with enough candy to last them about three weeks. Check that. Three days tops, I'm betting. ;O) I was telling my sister that the sugar buzz was pretty serious over here today. Thankfully everyone made it (alive and whole) into their beds tonight! ;O)

At dinner this afternoon (we went to John's sister's house), the kids and their cousin were talking, and their little 3yo cousin called someone "Zina." Aleksa piped up and asked for confirmation that that's what he'd said, and then she told him, "That's what my name was in Ukraine at the orphanage when nobody got me." (Mama promptly burst into tears...) I think it hit me so hard because our Aleksa NEVER EVER EVER volunteers talk about the orphanage. She hasn't ever talked about what she remembers, or if asked, she'll say she doesn't remember anything. She doesn't talk about it. Her brother and sister talk about it all the time, and while she doesn't leave the room or appear upset, she simply doesn't contribute anything. So, her saying that really hit me. She's cognitively at the point where she's beginning to puzzle together what has happened to her, whereas before, she let it fly over her head. Anyway, I'm sure I'll choke up about that for a good long time thinking about that...

After I pulled myself together a bit, I said, "Well, Leks, somebody's got you now!" I think "orphanage" comments are really starting to hit me harder now that our heart strings are tied as tight as they are. It absolutely kills me that Leksa had to sit in an orphanage so long with "nobody getting her." And my Adam and Liana! Nobody got them either! And there are so many others in the world waiting for mamas and papas. Maybe this job change will mean the possibility of Future Fishers too... So many little ones suffering out there wondering why nobody's got them yet...

April Fool!

Last year would have been crazy of us to do so, but this year, John and I have decided to initiate the children on APRIL FOOL'S DAY! *tee-hee*

We stayed up waaaaaay too late with a skein of yarn and a buncha toilet paper. We made major webs in their rooms making walking through their rooms an obstacle course. First we Yarned the rooms, and then we tp'd everything. It was a work of art.

This morning the kids woke up not at alllll excited. ;O) They were squealing, and giggling, and asking Why we would do it, and pretty much having a blast in all their mess. We told them we didn't know what they were talkng about, and that they should be ashamed of themselves making such messes so early in the morning. *hmph* lol! Well, that got them on an instant mission to play April Fools tricks on US! They gathered as much yarn as they could get, and they are now trying to make their own webs in the kitchen, livingroom, our bedroom.... (What did we do?!!!) ;O)