Moving Stresses?

Moving is a stressful time for anyone, but I think the stress is getting to the kids most right now. There are boxes everywhere, we just got rid of the piano, our routine has been blown out the window with me scouting housing, trying to pack, do school with them, etc. Plus, they're starting to understand that they aren't going to see their friends and our family as often anymore. I've had more than my share of "first months home flashbacks" lately! lol!

Basically, I'm having a bit of trouble with the kiddos right now. Yesterday Aleksa got in more hot water than she'd been in in the last six weeks altogether it seems like. She was seeking control alllll day long. Control of her siblings, control of herself, control of her mama... Uff. It was a long day. (And she's usually the easiest!)

Liana has been doing the best, actually. She gave her best friend a necklace that she kept the match to (One said "Friends" and one said "Forever"), and she got to spend the whole afternoon at her house on Sunday as a last hurrah type of a thing. She has choked up a few times thinking of leaving her friends/family, but I think that's *exactly* what a normal little 7yo would be feeling. No acting-out; she's handling life beautifully actually.

And then there's Adam. He has been hitting every single control button he has ever found all lately, only going overtime doing so. Because of his speech difficulties, we often ask him to say something differently, or correctly. Well, this morning I asked him to say, "What did she say?" again. He came up with about 500 different ways to possibly mangle that question, refusing to even come close to how it is supposed to be. That's his way of having control. We can't force what comes out of his mouth, so that's his "weapon" of choice with us. This afternoon, he couldn't read the word "mixed." Well, he CAN read the word "mixed" but he refused to do so. He said "mixed-ed," "mix-Edd" and about a half dozen variants, all the while refusing to say the correct one. It's weird to me that he thinks it hurts me when he doesn't read/say something right. He expects me to blow up at him, I'm pretty sure. That's odd to say, but truly, if he finds that something *remotely* annoys one of us, he jumps on it.

He has a new one too. He uses this one on his sisters quite often, and now in the last month or so has started to use it on me and John. He'll declare that he hates something, or that it is bad, or that he doesn't want to do something that everyone else thinks is fun - just to be annoying. Our homeschool group went bowling a few weeks ago, which we were all looking forward to. On the way there, we had to stop at the bank quick, during which time, he pulled his sisters aside and told them he HATED bowling, and that he was going to beg me to not make him go, and that he would not bowl, etc. Well, the girls got all ruffled about it, and they started crying, etc. I called his bluff, however, and told him he was welcome to sit in the car and do schoolwork while the rest of us had fun.

Yesterday, while I was looking online at houses, he told me he HATED the one I liked and that it was gross, and that he didn't want to go there, etc. It's just his control mechanism, apparently. His way of hanging onto some thread of control over his life. Perhaps many 11yo's do this, but this "kind" of thing fits well into how he wields control over other things.

All that to say: If you are looking for older kids, are you ready for them to look for and FIND your hot-buttons? How in-control of yourself are you? (Because they will needle you hard and long to see if you'll break). The more you break, the more often they'll needle you. Adam is _SO_ good at it. I've flunked out many, many times with him, and while I don't fail as often as I used to, I have definitely been challenged. What you don't think is in your heart will come floating to the top, truly, with a child who is not fully attached to you. Are you ready for the challenge of living 24/7 with a child who is on a constant seek-and-destroy mission to wear you down and see what you're made of? Are you a rock? Or are you close enough to BECOME a rock in short order? Because you can NOT blow up at these kids. You just can't. (In fact, at this *very* minute, Adam is doing it again. He has never heard the word "minutes" he says, so he doesn't know how to say it. He sure gets an A+ for creativity in how many different ways it could be possibly said, however!)

It is a challenge to parent older kids. It is a joy, but there are challenges too. Their hurts are deep, and their fears often control them. Fear of letting someone into their life, fear of letting go what threads of power they might feel they have. Can you be stronger than our emotions and not give in when they challenge you? Can you absolutely NOT let your child rule the house like that "bad Papa at McDonalds?") If you can, you can succeed at tearing down those walls around their hearts. You will have victories, and great joys in your parenting. If you are the kind of person that lets your emotions control you, you're in for a very long haul, I'm afraid.

That said, I still wouldn't have done it any other way, and we will be looking for older kids if we ever adopt again...