Met-cha Day

The 27th was Picked-cha Day for us, but today is our Met-cha Day. You'd think it was a perfect day of reflecting on the year and how we all have changed and grown, and reminiscing about what those first minutes of our meetings were like, and being all mushy about how perfect my kiddos are.

Nope.

Today has been HARD. We've had some, um, rough moments today. Like when I asked the kids to clean their junk out of the back of the car and they took everything out of the car, left it in the driveway, (complete with car doors open), and then went off to play.

And like one of them having a nosebleed in the bathroom and leaving a mess looking something like a crime-scene.

And like another of them stealing bug spray off the neighbor's deck (two houses down) and squirting it all over and having to go and ask the neighbor for forgiveness and offer to do odd jobs tomorrow to make up for it, and having the neighbor be not-so-happy about any of the above.

And like two of the three kids disappearing out of the yard and turning up at a rummage sale that a neighbor was having, but not until I had been in the car running all over the neighborhood searching for them...

Just thought you'd want to know what a day in the life looks like when the day is not so wonderful and picture-perfect!

Calgon...!

;O)

Birthday!

Table
Adam and Liana
Aleksa

It's my birthday today, and for the first time since about two years after I was married, I did not dread, feel depressed about, or hate the fact that I turned a year older. Feels sooooo good to not have to wake up and say, "Yet another birthday without kids." Don't know about the rest of you, but I was an enormous humbug about holidays, and especially birthdays. Last year on my birthday I was in Ukraine, and though the purpose of the trip was to get my kids, I still had not met them and they were not in my arms yet. I still rolled my eyes thinking, "Of course I have to wait for yet another birthday before I'll have my kids."

Just thought I'd share my happiness that finally the sunshine came out on my b-day! :O) (As well as some frosting as you can see!)

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today, John and I sat in the office of the National Adoption Center in Kyiv and chose our children. We were nervous; we were hopeful; we were excited; we were scared. Our two boys and a girl that we thought we had chosen turned into two girls and a boy in a matter of about two seconds after I asked what their names were. Liana was shaved in her picture; we thought she was a boy. She made for a funny-looking boy, and an even funnier-looking girl. But, those were our kids, so off we went.

What a day to remember. The day they officially were a part of our lives forever. Once glimpse of tiny pictures gave us a peek into our future lives together. Misha looked so sad and scared. Skinny and defeated. Vala looked so concentration-camp-like. No sparkle. No clue of any life in her. Not even Zina, the happy-go-lucky one had any spunk in her picture. I thought our kids (all three) were a little funny-looking.

A year later, these kids are Adam, Liana, and Aleksa. Very much ours, and very much the picture of health and happiness. What a big year. What a big life change (for every one of us!)

I remember wondering as I sat in the dark hallway of the NAC what our lives would be like a year from then. Busy, exhausting, sometimes frustrating, always adventurous, and thankfully, we did get our happily ever after... or as good of a one as we can expect this side of Heaven! Sure, we have our rough moments, but we also have many, many sweet and forever-cherished ones.

How are we celebrating today? Well, I talked to the kids about our NAC appointment, and told them again how Liana's picture made her look like a boy, and how much fun it was to choose them out of all the other children in all of Ukraine.

But this afternoon, we're washing windows. ;O)

Crazy Barber

Oh for charged batteries in the camera... I just poked my nose out into the kitchen in time to see John playing barber on Adam. His method was scary, and I had to go hide so I didn't start screaming...

Adam is laying on his belly across three kitchen chairs with his head hanging off the edge. John has his electric clippers in his hand about to shave him down. He figured it would be easier to keep the hair off of Adam's shoulders and back that way. I *had* been planning on getting our family picture taken in a few weeks. We might be putting it off for a few more now...

Mailman came!

Fun day today. The mailman came and brought three different packages of loot for our care package to Ukraine. One box of shoes and two different packages of undies. Plus, earlier in the week we got an envelope with gift cards for our kids to go pick out some shoes/undies for their friends themselves. FUN!

I'm still researching the best options to mail these all to UA. Lifetoorphans is probably our best bet, but there are a few more places I'm still checking out. Still waiting to hear back from one and haven't jotted an email yet to the other.

I'm so excited! :O) THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!

Btw, it was especially fun today that our kids got to talk on the phone with some of their old pals from the orphanage... One of them just happened to be the purple-shoed girl in the picture posted below. Nice to know we're sending help, but even nicer that some of these sweeties are coming home to their mamas and papas and won't need it!

Sites to watch

Anybody besides me watching these two websites? Karrie and Kendra have been frequent comment-posters here for a long time. Check out their blogs! The Websters are adopting two unrelated older boys, and the Millilos haven't had their NAC appointment yet (they will on the 26th). I'm soooo happy for them all!

Millilo Website
Webster Website

Tell-tale Toenails

The thing about this blog is that *everyone* is watching. The ones out there that don't know me in real life might think I'm a wonderful mama, but those that know me best (my big sister is who I'm thinking of right now), read the comments, roll their eyes, and promptly lose their lunch in the wastepaper basket.

I just got off the phone with my sis, and we got onto this very subject. I laughed and totally agreed with her that there might be some misunderstandings out there of how really truly rotten-of-a-mom I can be. I even gave her an example story that she told me I'd BETTER share or she'd put up a comment and tell the story herself!

Here goes. Last week or so we were doing dishes Aleksa was helping. She accidentally dropped a plate on her toe, and instead of playing instant perfect mom, I just said, "Oh, Aleksa, you're ok." And pretty much, I forgot about it. A few days later I noticed that her toenail was B-L-A-C-K. OOOPS. Bad, bad, bad mama.

I learned my lesson though, because the very next day after discovering Miss Blackened Nail, we were at the grocery store, and Liana accidentally dropped a can of corn on her toe. Remembering how guilty I felt about Aleksa's accident, I really made a fuss over Liana's. I gave her a hug, and she really tried to be brave and not make a scene. I told her it would be ok to cry, because it really hurt when you drop things on your toe, etc. She sucked in her tears and very seriously and bravely she said, "It's ok, Mama, I won't scream in the store. Jesus is helping me." (It's so hard sometimes to not laugh when your kids are being so serious!)

The pitiful thing was that her toenail did NOT turn black like her sister's. Oy.

Past Lives

Who-knows-how-long ago, someone posted a comment on the "Bedtime" entry asking about how I handle it when and if the kids mention their bio parents. I truly didn't mean to look like I was blowing that question off - this is the first day I noticed the comment was there.

Yes, the two older kids mention their bio parents pretty often. Sometimes even daily. They were 7, 4 and 2 when they came to the orphanage, so Adam and Liana have a pretty good memory of what their birth family was like. John and I are not at all upset when they start talking about their "Mama Zhana and Papa Misha." They were an enormous hunk of their lives, and a part of who they are. We let them talk away. Liana has some fantasies of her birth mother being an absolutely perfect-in-every-way mother, and I know that a part of her NEEDS to think she was. That's fine with me. I'm not perfect, and neither is anyone else, but to a 6-yr-old little girl trying to sort out the pieces of her life, I figure she can remember her any way she wants to. Adam remembers everyone a lot more realistically, (though not when he first came home he didn't), and I figure he'll set the record straight about "Mama Zhana" some day with Liana, but I'm not sure that it's my place. Maybe if nobody in the family had any real memories of them, I'd feel more inclined to step in and say something, but since Adam does remember, and is fair about his memories, I figure I don't need to do so. (Following me?) I figure my place is to parent our kids NOW. If we had pictures of their birth family, I don't think I'd necessarily put them on the mantle or anything, but I surely wouldn't hide them from the kids or make them feel ashamed to want to bring them out and talk about them. Sometimes when Liana hears a slow/sad song, she'll get quiet and say she's sad and wants Mama Zhana. When she watched "Pete's Dragon" and the lady sang "Candle on the Water" she actually burst into uncontrollable tears because she missed her so much. My job right then was to scoop her up and rock her, and tell her that I wasn't her Mama Zhana, but that I loved her, and that it was ok to miss her and love her too, and that loving two of us wasn't wrong or bad. I told her I was glad that she loved her Mama Zhana so much, because I knew how much she also loved me, and that it made me happy that she had so much love in her heart, etc.

Letting the kids talk to us about their birth family is fine, but what I DON'T want is for anyone to ever pump the kids for info about them. I really hope the questions come to me and not them, but that's not terribly realistic. I just hope they are ready to be graceful about answering, and that they remember that just because someone asks them such questions, doesn't mean that they should feel obligated to answer them.

Adam has mentioned the most about his previous family, and one day, I want to compile those memories for him in a written form. He may start to forget little things after a while, and some of those are things he has told us about. Like having kerosene lamps instead of electricity. Like no running water. Like what their house looked like. Like where he slept and what he ate, and where he played, what pets he had, and what his birth parents looked like and what they did, etc. I kick myself even now for not having a lot of it already written down, but I have been thinking about it for a long time. He might not fully enjoy it, but maybe as an adult he might, or maybe his children and grandchildren might. Know what I mean? He's told me enough to fill a small journal already.

Thanks for the comment, Anon! Now I'm inspired to start a project... ;O)

Eleven Months Home

Wow, eleven months! Lots have happened this month, and mostly with Adam.

Adam has been attaching better and better with us this summer. He is less sneaky, more honest, more affectionate, more helpful. He really is a great kid! Yesterday he was on a roll. My sickness last week made for a house that was less than spotless, so he took it upon himself to sweep and mop the kitchen, vacuum the whole house, wash the car, and even after doing all that, he didn't complain when we asked him to help dry the dishes. He very rarely complains when we ask him to help out with something, and in fact, he takes it as a high compliment that we would trust him with such a job. Oh, I forgot to mention that yesterday he also woke up early to help pack John's lunch. I had totally figured that these helpful streaks would be a thing of the past by "eleven months home," but with Adam, they're coming MORE frequently. AND, I should add, that his room is spic and span. He struggles with putting his dirty clothes where they belong, but if we remind him, they are picked up within three minutes. He is still accidentally breaking things, however. He isn't very careful when he plays. (Understatement of the year right there; Adam is really impulsive at times). Yesterday he was playing with his kite in the livingroom, and smashed the light fixture in the ceiling fan. BUT! (And this is where we saw some progress too!) He did NOT lie about it, and did not try to pretend it didn't happen. Instead, he ran outside where I was watching the girls swim in the pool, and told me to come and look. He showed me what happened, and said, "Mama, I almost lie, but my brains think, 'Adam, you need tell Mama.'" I almost jumped for joy! I gave him a hug; we cleaned it up, and went on our merry way.

The neurology report on him showed that he does have some brain damage mostly in the right hemisphere of his brain, and that it formed that way (as opposed to a stroke, etc. at birth). He'll never get better or worse, but he'll just need lots of help with math, need some PT for his foot/balance, and some help with his speech. (Actually, this month, his speech has made profound improvements, but it is far from "normal." He's using complete sentences more and more, but definitely not "most of the time." When we tell him, "Adam, can you say that better?" He'll 9 times out of 10 say it the right way though. He still struggles with his "r's" and "-ng's." Basically, if we'd had this neurology report our first few weeks home from Ukraine, it would have really freaked me out, but we know who we have right now. We know his condition isn't something that is going to make him a non-productive citizen of the world. It'll just slow him down in some areas. He's a friendly, outgoing, kind, helpful boy with a giant heart. That counts for a lot, I'd say!

Liana is still doing great as always. She is a sweetheart. Really, she is. I know I paint her to be a controlling, bossy little girl sometimes, but that's only a small part of her. She has a giant heart, is smart, smart, smart, and of the three kids, she really seems on the same plane as me most of the time. She seems lots, lots older than the little almost-seven-year-old that she is, and therefore, I call on her to be my sidekick in lots of projects I'm working on - whether it be helping with cooking, cleaning, or whatever, she's just always in the thick of things. The other day I was making a bunch of extra meals for the freezer (Yay, we got a freezer!), and she insisted on helping me brown the hamburger. Now, under normal circumstances, there is NO way I'd let a 6-yr-old do such a thing, but knowing Liana like I do, (and knowing I was right beside her browning my own pan of burger), I let her. And she did an excellent job. Just as I knew she would. She not only was extremely careful safety-wise, but she did a great job breaking up the meat and cooking it all the way through, etc. She amazes me.

Then there's Leks. This summer she has made strides that I didn't think she'd make for another year at least. I don't know if it really is the Omega vitamin pills that others in our adoption group have raved about and I finally broke down and tried on our kids, or what, but it really does seem like since we started her on those, she has been a little dynamo.

She loves to count things. If I'm reading her a book, and there are lots of pictures of the same thing on a page, she MUST stop me, and count everything. She just can't not do it. She also loves to play the "where's the letter X on this page?" game. She's learning so much! We also have attribute blocks and cubes for her. She has to sort them out by color and shape and THEN she can start playing with them. I have a "Building Thinking Skills" book for her (that's what it's called), and she has been doing really well with it. She is even COLORING! She has to put attribute blocks on the page where the outlines are, and then she has to color each one the same color as her block. She loves it, and really, she's doing great! Her coloring is even getting closer and closer to being inside the lines all the time. She's also become a little problem-solver. She absolutely loves digging and playing in the dirt (read MUD). I let her dig under the deck all she wants, but I've really had to get after her lately for bringing her mud to the yard or driveway and then have a mudpie-bake. Mess. So, she found Liana's plastic vinyl carrying-case, filled it with dirt, added some water, and "Presto!" she has a portable sandbox that she can lug all over the world with her and I won't get upset about a mess. I thought it was pretty ingenious!

All three are little sweeties! We are really blessed. I mean, REALLY. We're getting so that we don't necessarily feel like we have to entertain the kids or be a hawk and watch them every minute. One will be off doing one thing, another will do another, and the other will do yet another thing, and it isn't a stressful thing anymore. The thoughts "Oh no! I don't see Adam! Is he off playing in the soap again?" don't really cross my mind anymore. Feels SOOOO good to have come this far! :O)

Humiliation

I've felt rotten all week. I mean, r-o-t-t-e-n. The first part of the week I had a flu bug or something and after that, my stomach has been in knots. I have no shame; I'll say it. I'm constipated. Woe is me. I finally broke down today and sent John to the store for some supplies to help remedy the situation.

So, anyway, as I was laying in bed wishing the worst were over (hoping that Milk of Magnesia would kick in before I bloated up and floated away), Liana poked her head in my room. "Mama, can I snuggle with you?" Feeling a few gurgles and knowing I might need to jump up in a minute, I had a hard time saying yes, but I did anyway. I scooted over and she snuggled in. We chatted a bit, and finally she said, "Mama, you have hairs on your chin. Let me get 'em." Ok, so I'm thinking I shed a few hairs and they happened to be on my neck. Nope. We're talking hairs as in whiskers. She started plucking away. About then I'm feeling pretty humiliated by my life's circumstances. Waiting for a potty run, and having my 6-yr-old groom me. Great. Whaddaya do? "Liana, go get the tweezers. Top drawer in the bathroom in my make-up bag." She was outta that bed in an instant. She examined my face like a monkey looking for fleas on his buddy's back. She pulled my face skin up with one hand, and felt for whiskers with the other. I won't tell you how many she found, but she took care of them. (Yet another advantage to adopting older kids!) At least I know she'll trim my beard when I'm in the nursing home.

Btw, MOM took care of me today too. ;O)

Ukrainian adoption websites

Since we came home from Ukraine, I've been horrible about keeping the rest of this website updated. I've been bookmarking family websites to *some day* add to it, but it just hasn't happened. I thought I'd share what I've got. Some of these are very, very current (as in, they're leaving next week, are still in Ukraine, or have just come home.) Enjoy!


http://www.millilofamily.blogspot.com/
http://spaces.msn.com/members/websterchildren/
http://adoptason.blog-city.com/
http://www.winterparksoftware.com/blog/
http://www.deniseandcorey.blogspot.com/
http://videoneilcom.ezhostsite.com/index.html
http://philgreen.blog-city.com/made_it_to_amsterdam.htm
http://www.integrity.com/homes/mcmorin/
http://woodfordfamily.blog-city.com/
http://www.earlefamily.blog-city.com/
http://www.strongadopt.blog-city.com/
http://www.thekellettclan.blogspot.com/

Shoes and Undies

By the way, you probably remember that we're collecting undies and shoes for the kids' orphanage. The plan is that we'll box everything up and ship them on our One Year Home Anniversary. I'm hoping to make this a yearly tradition. I've already got a small pile of each, but I've had a few people email me asking if they could help too. SuRe! If you'd like to pick up some new undies or new/like new shoes, send 'em on over.

I wish I could be there to hand-deliver these boxes; I'd love to see their reactions. Oh well. Just have to rest well knowing we did a good thing.

83 Janet Lane
Holmen, WI 54636

Bedtime

Bedtime is such a magical time for a Mama. Kids who might seem tough, grouchy, difficult, etc. all day long suddenly become tenderhearted and mushy, chatty and the kind of children every woman dreams of. I'm sure that's why God made bedtime. It recharges parents to have the stamina to wake up and do it all over again in the morning. There's just nothing sweeter than walking down the hallway after tucking everyone in and hearing, "I love you Mama!" from three little beds.

While I was tucking him in, Adam grabbed my hand and said, "Thank you, Mama for getting me from Ukraine. I have good food, good family, nice hamster and fish. I have good uncles and aunts and Grandpas and Grandmas. I have bicycle and swimming pool and toy cars. I have nice church to learn about God. I so happy!"

Adoption is an amazing thing. And to think that I wasted so many years kicking and screaming against the idea. I'm so thankful I finally wised up.

Happy Fourth!

Our First Fourth of July
Spruced up for Church
Girls with Max


Talk about a busy last ten days or so. Adam had his appointment with the audiologist. He has a 30% hearing loss in his right ear, but his left is normal. The doctor said this shouldn't affect his language acquisition.

Last week Adam also had an appointment with a neurologist concerning his CP. I've had a feeling that this hearing loss isn't the only thing affecting his speech, so I've really wondered if his CP had anything to do with it. He had an MRI this week of his brain, and we will get the full result next week. Looks like we have a full schedule of testing this summer... PT, OT, Speech, etc. I'm exhausted already, but am looking forward to really getting him fixed up. Adam was fitted this week for an ankle brace. The exercises that we have been doing on his heel tendon haven't done a whole lot, so he's getting a brace that will force him to walk correctly (he walks on his toes on his left foot.) His left leg isn't quite as long as his right, so hopefully him using that left side correctly will encourage his leg to catch up to the other as he grows.

Anyway, this weekend we went to John's grandparents' house and his Great Uncle Wally's house to celebrate the Fourth. We all camped out in Grandma's lawn in our new tent, and boy did that go over well with the kids. The first hour that they were "asleep" was full of giggles and whoops and all kinds of noises... (John and I let them play while we stayed up later talking to the rest of the family.)

Grandma let them have some onions out of her garden, though. That was bad. I had to roll away from Aleksa a few times during the night because she stunk so bad! (Ever seen little kids who love anything out of a garden? Our kids love their raw veggies, and onions are a special treat.)

They also got to do some sparklers! They LOVED those! We did a trial run in the daytime before we went up north (his grandparents live in northern MN). Even in the broad daylight, the kids loved them. But when we let them do them at night with their favorite cousins - boy, did they have fun!

I got hit pretty hard with some survivor's guilt this weekend though. John's cousin's wife had a miscarriage last week. They've wanted kids since forever, and have had nothing but losses. I really found myself feeling guilty for my joy when I knew how much grief she was experiencing. I couldn't think of a single thing to say other than, "I'm so sorry, this stinks, but I'm praying for you." Nothing else was going to cut it. I guess thinking back, those were the best things anyone ever said to me, so maybe they went farther than I thought. I hated it when people would tell me that I'd have my baby soon, or it would be my turn soon, or whatever. It brought nothing but frustration to me. ("How on earth do YOU know? You aren't God!") And I sure wasn't going to say, "Why don't you 'just' adopt?" Those words are probably the very LAST words that she wants to hear. I know how horrified I was to say the word "adoption" for a long time. Took me years to say it without bursting into tears. I mean, sure, I think adoption is great and all, but you just don't tell someone who just lost a baby to adopt. I felt really awkward around her with my happy crew tramping around underfoot. I really felt bad for her not being in the same boat as she is anymore.

Which brings us to the absolute WORST part of the weekend. Adam told John's cousin that he needed some kids. (He knew nothing of the m/c, by the way; he just noticed that he didn't have any). Adam proceeded to tell him that he should go to Ukraine to get some kids and that there were lots of poor kids there that he could get. OuCh. I guess if anyone could get away with mentioning adoption, it would be some kids who are adopted. His heart was in the right place, but it was just poor timing.

John quickly explained to all three kids that their baby just died, and to NOT say ANYTHING about that to John's cousin's wife because it would really hurt her, etc. Well, Liana's little wheels kept turning and she just plain couldn't keep her lips zipped. She went up to her and asked, (of all things!), "Why did your baby die?" LIANA VALENTINA!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, for Independence Day we went to Great Uncle Wally's house. He lives on a lake, and the kids got to play in the water. Just as I was taking Aleksa out of the water, I noticed a leech on her leg. And instantly it started pouring rain and she was complaining that she was hungry. So, there I was with my arms full of a blanket and a few of our bags of stuff, trying to get Aleksa to hurry, and then freaking out over a leech. Grandma got it off. I don't do leeches I learned. Yucky yuck yuck. What memories! :O)