I was just thinking today of some of the phrases on my "Russian for adoptive parents" tape and thought of a few phrases that would have really come in handy at our house recently....
"Silly Putty is not bubble-gum; neither is it a hair accessory for your sister."
"Why do you need to use half the bottle of shampoo at shower-time?" (This one is for our 9-yr-old who bathes solo).
"You must change your underwear EVERY day! No, I do not want to smell them to make sure."
"Who keeps putting their used toilet paper in the waste-paper-basket instead of flushing it?"
"Magic marker goes on PAPER, not on couches."
and last but not least...
"Why did you pee in your sister's sippy-cup and try to get her to drink it!!??"
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Rough Day
John's first day of work was Rough. I'm just feeling nasty with my cold, and the older 2 kids were naughty, (stubborn), a lot of the day.
I tried to start some more formal English lessons, but the kids wanted Nothing to do with them, and fought me tooth and nail all along the way. I did come to realize that Adam probably has some learning disabilities, so he's going to need a lot of one-on-one for a while. He can only count successfully to 15 in Ukrainian, and to four in English. He goes from four to seven every single time. We've tried counting songs that we've sung over and over in the past few weeks, but he still gets stuck. I got out a math worksheet today, and he could not do simple 11+4= kind of math. He could only do it when I dumped a bunch of crayons on the table for him to count out a pile of 11 and then a pile of 4, and then had him count the entire pile. That he could do, but when I tried to explain the shortcut of only having to add 1+4 and then bringing down the 1, he was as lost as Hansel and Gretel. I was ready more than a few times this morning to get on the phone with the school district and get this boy put into school, it's a little premature to to too speculative... Plus, I don't think he's ready yet. He needs to figure out being a part of a family first, and I need to keep that as our top priority and remember that. He's the one I would worry about most sending off to school since he gets so panicky when one of us leaves the house for any reason. It would be cruel of me to send HIM away.
Liana on the other hand, can count up to ten as easily as can be, and actually, Aleksa can pretty much do the same. Liana has a stubborn streak (as they all do!), so that hindered me working with her for very long at a time. She just didn't think it was fun, so she just plain wasn't going to do it. We have an alphabet/number game that you press a letter and it says the letter for you. I asked her where such-and-such letter was, and she could figure it out every time.
Aleksa did a matching game by herself that I was pretty impressed about. There were pictures of shapes and butterflies that were cut in half, and you had to match the shapes. She did it easily and quickly.
My niece sent the kids packages that arrived yesterday. The kids were SOOOO excited! They opened them right away, and Adam was beside himself excited to see a Lego set that was a castle theme (smart kid liking castles!) ;O) He loved the box and instructions as much as the legos, and couldn't wait for John to come home to show him.
The girls each got Cabbage Patch dolls! I never even thought about getting them those! When I told them that the dolls were in a dolly "dyetsky dom" (orphanage), and now they were their mamas, they carried around the birthcertificates/adoption papers right along with the dolls for the rest of the day. They LOVED them. Liana squealed when she saw that her dolly had a bellybutton and a diaper. They too couldn't wait to show Papa.
Aside from the gifts, the kids thought their cards from my niece were just as cool. They carried those around too, and showed John when he got home. Adam grabbed my Russian/English dictionary to make me translate the card (good thing it just said "Welcome to the family!") *whew* I hauled out a picture of my niece for them to look at and Aleksa kissed it! Too cute.
I think I've figured out Aleksa's food problem for sure now. I'm almost certain it is a texture thing. She loves scrambled eggs (mush), chicken and rice (mush), and last night I made mashed potatoes that she ate more of than John! She had four helpings! So, the mushier and blander the better I guess. Gross.
One of the comments on yesterday's post was something about how my kids don't appear to have any attachment issues. The older two definitely don't. Aleksa very well might. I'm a little worried about her to be honest. We just haven't seen the fireworks that Liana and Adam have for us. Aleksa was in the orphanage half her life, whereas the other two were only in for a fraction. Not too many people consider that when they want a "very young" child. The more time they have spent in a family before going into an orphanage the better they'll attach to their adoptive parents. That's my two-cents on the subject anyway. She does love her dollies even more than Liana does, so that is encouraging to me (she had to have her Cabbage Patch doll in her arms at supper last night even), but she also does have some other signs of a problem. I may very well just be a paranoid mom, but time will tell. In the meantime, I'm treating her as if she really does have a problem and trying to play eye-contact games with her, reading to her more, holding her as often as possible, making her face me more, etc. I would even put her in bed with us if I thought John and her big sister would stand for that.
Anyway, Aleksa is another reason I was ready to call the school district yesterday. Getting Adam all caught up is going to soak up a lot of my attention, which will leave Aleksa on her own more than what she should be. It is going to be a rough balance to meet everyone's needs. Lots to think about and pray about.
I tried to start some more formal English lessons, but the kids wanted Nothing to do with them, and fought me tooth and nail all along the way. I did come to realize that Adam probably has some learning disabilities, so he's going to need a lot of one-on-one for a while. He can only count successfully to 15 in Ukrainian, and to four in English. He goes from four to seven every single time. We've tried counting songs that we've sung over and over in the past few weeks, but he still gets stuck. I got out a math worksheet today, and he could not do simple 11+4= kind of math. He could only do it when I dumped a bunch of crayons on the table for him to count out a pile of 11 and then a pile of 4, and then had him count the entire pile. That he could do, but when I tried to explain the shortcut of only having to add 1+4 and then bringing down the 1, he was as lost as Hansel and Gretel. I was ready more than a few times this morning to get on the phone with the school district and get this boy put into school, it's a little premature to to too speculative... Plus, I don't think he's ready yet. He needs to figure out being a part of a family first, and I need to keep that as our top priority and remember that. He's the one I would worry about most sending off to school since he gets so panicky when one of us leaves the house for any reason. It would be cruel of me to send HIM away.
Liana on the other hand, can count up to ten as easily as can be, and actually, Aleksa can pretty much do the same. Liana has a stubborn streak (as they all do!), so that hindered me working with her for very long at a time. She just didn't think it was fun, so she just plain wasn't going to do it. We have an alphabet/number game that you press a letter and it says the letter for you. I asked her where such-and-such letter was, and she could figure it out every time.
Aleksa did a matching game by herself that I was pretty impressed about. There were pictures of shapes and butterflies that were cut in half, and you had to match the shapes. She did it easily and quickly.
My niece sent the kids packages that arrived yesterday. The kids were SOOOO excited! They opened them right away, and Adam was beside himself excited to see a Lego set that was a castle theme (smart kid liking castles!) ;O) He loved the box and instructions as much as the legos, and couldn't wait for John to come home to show him.
The girls each got Cabbage Patch dolls! I never even thought about getting them those! When I told them that the dolls were in a dolly "dyetsky dom" (orphanage), and now they were their mamas, they carried around the birthcertificates/adoption papers right along with the dolls for the rest of the day. They LOVED them. Liana squealed when she saw that her dolly had a bellybutton and a diaper. They too couldn't wait to show Papa.
Aside from the gifts, the kids thought their cards from my niece were just as cool. They carried those around too, and showed John when he got home. Adam grabbed my Russian/English dictionary to make me translate the card (good thing it just said "Welcome to the family!") *whew* I hauled out a picture of my niece for them to look at and Aleksa kissed it! Too cute.
I think I've figured out Aleksa's food problem for sure now. I'm almost certain it is a texture thing. She loves scrambled eggs (mush), chicken and rice (mush), and last night I made mashed potatoes that she ate more of than John! She had four helpings! So, the mushier and blander the better I guess. Gross.
One of the comments on yesterday's post was something about how my kids don't appear to have any attachment issues. The older two definitely don't. Aleksa very well might. I'm a little worried about her to be honest. We just haven't seen the fireworks that Liana and Adam have for us. Aleksa was in the orphanage half her life, whereas the other two were only in for a fraction. Not too many people consider that when they want a "very young" child. The more time they have spent in a family before going into an orphanage the better they'll attach to their adoptive parents. That's my two-cents on the subject anyway. She does love her dollies even more than Liana does, so that is encouraging to me (she had to have her Cabbage Patch doll in her arms at supper last night even), but she also does have some other signs of a problem. I may very well just be a paranoid mom, but time will tell. In the meantime, I'm treating her as if she really does have a problem and trying to play eye-contact games with her, reading to her more, holding her as often as possible, making her face me more, etc. I would even put her in bed with us if I thought John and her big sister would stand for that.
Anyway, Aleksa is another reason I was ready to call the school district yesterday. Getting Adam all caught up is going to soak up a lot of my attention, which will leave Aleksa on her own more than what she should be. It is going to be a rough balance to meet everyone's needs. Lots to think about and pray about.
Monday, August 30, 2004
First day at church
Well, John and I gathered up the courage to take all three kids to church with us this morning. Our church has a Children's service, so they were upstairs for the opening songs and prayers, etc., and then we all went downstairs. The kids did GREAT, but we had prepared them the night before that we would be going there, and we showed them pictures and told them who would be there, etc. (We also read the riot act to them to inspire good behavior). Adam saw John's necktie this morning, and begged for one of his own. John hooked him up with one of his. When he went to Walmart later on, John brought a new tie home just for Adam. Very excited boy.
John and I had a small panic when we saw that it was "review Sunday" for the kids at church, and they had to answer questions from the month/s before and then get CANDY for doing so. They started to really get antsy about everyone but them getting some, but they were still very good and didn't pitch any fits. Just acted like any other kid would in such a situation and pointed and chatted among themselves about how so-and-so got FIVE pieces, etc. (Thankfully the teacher let them have some after it was over).
Anyway, aside from Liana sticking her tongue out at everyone, (!!), they all did really well. Who knows why on earth she needed to do so, but we will be having a chit-chat about that before we go back to church again.
We had forgotten that there was a fellowship meal after church this morning, and I was relieved that John felt the same way I did about skipping that for now. Adam especially is still pretty food-driven, and seeing that much food all at once would send him into orbit. We found some leftover lunch in his pillowcase last night, (ewwww!), so our hunch was right on the money. Left a giant grease spot on the bed/pillow/pillowcase. *sigh* (He would have gotten all giddy and over-excited seeing all the food, and we would have found chocolate cake and goulash stuffed in his pockets "for later.")
I'm coming down with a doozy of a cold. Sore throat, head ache, body ache, etc. Not cool that it is also John's first day back to work for the full day. Gonna be a loooooong day for me!
John and I had a small panic when we saw that it was "review Sunday" for the kids at church, and they had to answer questions from the month/s before and then get CANDY for doing so. They started to really get antsy about everyone but them getting some, but they were still very good and didn't pitch any fits. Just acted like any other kid would in such a situation and pointed and chatted among themselves about how so-and-so got FIVE pieces, etc. (Thankfully the teacher let them have some after it was over).
Anyway, aside from Liana sticking her tongue out at everyone, (!!), they all did really well. Who knows why on earth she needed to do so, but we will be having a chit-chat about that before we go back to church again.
We had forgotten that there was a fellowship meal after church this morning, and I was relieved that John felt the same way I did about skipping that for now. Adam especially is still pretty food-driven, and seeing that much food all at once would send him into orbit. We found some leftover lunch in his pillowcase last night, (ewwww!), so our hunch was right on the money. Left a giant grease spot on the bed/pillow/pillowcase. *sigh* (He would have gotten all giddy and over-excited seeing all the food, and we would have found chocolate cake and goulash stuffed in his pockets "for later.")
I'm coming down with a doozy of a cold. Sore throat, head ache, body ache, etc. Not cool that it is also John's first day back to work for the full day. Gonna be a loooooong day for me!
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Adjustment progress
This was a very up and down week. The children overall are adjusting beautifully (aside from our being idiots and expecting them to handle the outing to the post office earlier this week). We've taken short walks to the park where they all three played sooooo well, and we've taken them for short visits to Grandpa's house. They came home when we said it was time to, and pretty much acted like perfectly normal been-here-all-our-lives kids. I couldn't believe these were the same kids who on a whim would bolt away from us at the orphanage and basically make us chase them around the grounds to corral them (at least at first they did!) Liana especially seems much more relaxed now that she's home. At the orphanage her shoulders were constantly hunched up around her ears and she'd be biting her lip. She looked so scared all the time. Now she's got some color to her cheeks (which are filling out now!), and she acts like she's always known us (and loved us!) All three kids love bathtime, and the older two love helping with dishes, vacuuming the house, etc. After meals Adam will come around the table and kiss me on the cheek and thank me for his meal and then go and rinse his plate (untold), and put it into the dishwasher. Yesterday he couldn't stand the grime in the kitchen any longer (!), so he cleared all the magnets off the fridge and grabbed a rag and wiped it down, as he did with the stove. That was the first time he's done that, but he is very helpful and caring. Last night they got icecream bars for dessert, and the last bit of icecream he gave to John. I asked him if he didn't like it. He said that he did love it, but that Papa was much bigger than he was, so he thought he should have it. John gave him a giant hug for that, and then snuck him into our room after supper where he gave him a Hershey's Kiss. (My stash). (Shhhhhh).
Liana has gone from eating anything remotely food-like, to being pretty picky, and we really have to coax her to finish her plate. She'd live on fruit and eggs if we let her. (Speaking of eggs, I sure never thought I would have had to learn to like eggs because I'd have to eat them AT HOME! I practiced eating them this winter thinking maybe I'd get stuck eating them in Ukraine. How ironic that I'M the one cooking them and eating them!) (No, I still don't enjoy them, but at least I don't gag on them as before!)
Liana also likes to have extra snuggle time at bedtime. She begs for me to lay down with her "Choot-choot, Mama?" ("Just a little, Mama?") Last night I was snuggling with her and I told her, "Mama LOVES Liana!" Liana said, "Ya ni Liana, ya Baby!" ( To translate, she said, "I'm not Liana, I'm Baby!" (I told her she was Mama's baby a few days ago, and she LOVES to be called that now. ) She craves every speck of affection we dole out to her, and she would sit and hug and kiss and cuddle and snuggle 24/7 if we let her. I can definitely see the personality in her now that caused her to say, "Come back, Papa" the first day we met her. Who was giving this girl her snugggle/cuddle quota back at the orphanage?
Speaking of babies, our church gave me a "baby" shower this Friday! It was realllly nice to finally get to attend my own instead of everyone else's! Probably only those of you who have dealt with infertility can understand the true extent of my excitement about this shin-dig. It was wonderful, and the ladies were very generous. I showed Adam his Scooby-Doo nylon coat/windpants and he about went into orbit he was so excited! We're going to have a hard time getting that off of him! The girls had to wear their pretty dresses with the attached necklaces all afternoon too. (I made them change when we went to the park though!)
I had another "I-know-I'm-a-Mom" moment this week. Adam came running into the livingroom screaming something about the bathroom. I ran down the hall to see the toilet *almost* overflowing. Oy. Then, about two seconds after that, Liana came running down the hallway into the bathroom screaming that she had a bloody-nose. Oy. No problem. Keep watch over the toilet while Kleenex-ing the nose. But then! You guessed it, Aleksa came running into the bathroom pulling down her panties announcing she had to go potty Right Now! I started laughing uncontrollably. Three emergencies at once. Yup, I'm a mom alright!
I hear all the time that people can't imagine how hard it must be for us having three kids now since we had none before, and that they all speak Russian and not English. Nah. It's an adjustment, but it isn't hard. Hard is the time we sat two years ago thinking we'd never be able to BE parents and wishing and praying and hoping that we could. THAT was hard. We're maybe dealing with some physically difficult situations (getting up early, staying up late, playing hard all day, cooking and cleaning up a storm all the time, etc.), but I'd rather have a physically difficult life than an emotionally difficult one. So don't feel sorry for us! We're happy as larks! We just are BUSY!
Liana has gone from eating anything remotely food-like, to being pretty picky, and we really have to coax her to finish her plate. She'd live on fruit and eggs if we let her. (Speaking of eggs, I sure never thought I would have had to learn to like eggs because I'd have to eat them AT HOME! I practiced eating them this winter thinking maybe I'd get stuck eating them in Ukraine. How ironic that I'M the one cooking them and eating them!) (No, I still don't enjoy them, but at least I don't gag on them as before!)
Liana also likes to have extra snuggle time at bedtime. She begs for me to lay down with her "Choot-choot, Mama?" ("Just a little, Mama?") Last night I was snuggling with her and I told her, "Mama LOVES Liana!" Liana said, "Ya ni Liana, ya Baby!" ( To translate, she said, "I'm not Liana, I'm Baby!" (I told her she was Mama's baby a few days ago, and she LOVES to be called that now. ) She craves every speck of affection we dole out to her, and she would sit and hug and kiss and cuddle and snuggle 24/7 if we let her. I can definitely see the personality in her now that caused her to say, "Come back, Papa" the first day we met her. Who was giving this girl her snugggle/cuddle quota back at the orphanage?
Speaking of babies, our church gave me a "baby" shower this Friday! It was realllly nice to finally get to attend my own instead of everyone else's! Probably only those of you who have dealt with infertility can understand the true extent of my excitement about this shin-dig. It was wonderful, and the ladies were very generous. I showed Adam his Scooby-Doo nylon coat/windpants and he about went into orbit he was so excited! We're going to have a hard time getting that off of him! The girls had to wear their pretty dresses with the attached necklaces all afternoon too. (I made them change when we went to the park though!)
I had another "I-know-I'm-a-Mom" moment this week. Adam came running into the livingroom screaming something about the bathroom. I ran down the hall to see the toilet *almost* overflowing. Oy. Then, about two seconds after that, Liana came running down the hallway into the bathroom screaming that she had a bloody-nose. Oy. No problem. Keep watch over the toilet while Kleenex-ing the nose. But then! You guessed it, Aleksa came running into the bathroom pulling down her panties announcing she had to go potty Right Now! I started laughing uncontrollably. Three emergencies at once. Yup, I'm a mom alright!
I hear all the time that people can't imagine how hard it must be for us having three kids now since we had none before, and that they all speak Russian and not English. Nah. It's an adjustment, but it isn't hard. Hard is the time we sat two years ago thinking we'd never be able to BE parents and wishing and praying and hoping that we could. THAT was hard. We're maybe dealing with some physically difficult situations (getting up early, staying up late, playing hard all day, cooking and cleaning up a storm all the time, etc.), but I'd rather have a physically difficult life than an emotionally difficult one. So don't feel sorry for us! We're happy as larks! We just are BUSY!
Thursday, August 26, 2004
No more blogs for a while
Super sorry to all of you faithful readers who check in on us every day, but this blog has stressed me out. Aside from trying to balance my new life as a VERY busy mom of three kids who have a lot to say in a language I don't speak, this blog has turned from my Happy Place into a dreaded duty. Maybe after a few more weeks I can handle it, but for now, I feel a little bit like a fish in a fishbowl. Not fun being under a microscope, and I need my life back for a while. Perhaps I'm just in a funk because today is the 2-year anniversary of my mother's death and I'm just overly emotional right now.
Regardless, I have to also add that one of the major reasons for my "taking a break" is that there is also waaaay too much potential here to hurt peoples' feelings. I hate having already done so, and I am sincerely sorry about it and hope that I will eventually be forgiven. For those of you who have already visited us, please understand that it was US we were upset with, NOT our visitors. Nobody overstepped any boundaries, because WE HADN'T PUT THE BOUNDARIES THERE YET. We didn't WANT to ask anyone to limit their physical affection with our kids. We want everyone to love them up, and for the kids to love them too. We were upset with ourselves for not having prepared our family/friends with the rules and the reasoning and the potential for having to enforce this "rule" well before our trip. Our first weeks home are the hardest, and this has only made things that much harder having to deal with outside stresses now too. Good Job Shelly and John.
I feel awful leaving those of you who are GOING to adopt high and dry, as I know how much reading post-adoption websites would have helped prepare us, but this is too much for me right now. Hope you understand!
ttfn,
Shelly
Regardless, I have to also add that one of the major reasons for my "taking a break" is that there is also waaaay too much potential here to hurt peoples' feelings. I hate having already done so, and I am sincerely sorry about it and hope that I will eventually be forgiven. For those of you who have already visited us, please understand that it was US we were upset with, NOT our visitors. Nobody overstepped any boundaries, because WE HADN'T PUT THE BOUNDARIES THERE YET. We didn't WANT to ask anyone to limit their physical affection with our kids. We want everyone to love them up, and for the kids to love them too. We were upset with ourselves for not having prepared our family/friends with the rules and the reasoning and the potential for having to enforce this "rule" well before our trip. Our first weeks home are the hardest, and this has only made things that much harder having to deal with outside stresses now too. Good Job Shelly and John.
I feel awful leaving those of you who are GOING to adopt high and dry, as I know how much reading post-adoption websites would have helped prepare us, but this is too much for me right now. Hope you understand!
ttfn,
Shelly
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Hard Day
Ok, yesterday Stunk.
We had to get the kids' US passports yesterday, along with getting their pictures taken for the passports. They were NOT ready for this outing At All. They were off the walls. (Did you know the post office has light-switches?) (I didn't either.) (They do though!) I felt awful all day that our errand caused such turmoil for the kids. They were hyper, naughty, moody, angry, etc. all for the rest of the day. I don't even KNOW how many fights they had with each other or us.
Just a short story about one of the minor tantrums today... As we were driving home Liana kept asking if we were going to America. We kept telling her that we were IN America, and she threw fits telling us she wasn't, and that she didn't want to be here, but rather America. We showed her all the US flags all over the place, and that still didn't persuade her. When we pulled into the driveway, she ran away from us and started banging on the neighbor's house. She came back to our house without much further ado, but I thought this was interesting. Apparently America is supposed to be a lot more fun than this!
So, our fault for taking them out. Too much, too soon.
We had to get the kids' US passports yesterday, along with getting their pictures taken for the passports. They were NOT ready for this outing At All. They were off the walls. (Did you know the post office has light-switches?) (I didn't either.) (They do though!) I felt awful all day that our errand caused such turmoil for the kids. They were hyper, naughty, moody, angry, etc. all for the rest of the day. I don't even KNOW how many fights they had with each other or us.
Just a short story about one of the minor tantrums today... As we were driving home Liana kept asking if we were going to America. We kept telling her that we were IN America, and she threw fits telling us she wasn't, and that she didn't want to be here, but rather America. We showed her all the US flags all over the place, and that still didn't persuade her. When we pulled into the driveway, she ran away from us and started banging on the neighbor's house. She came back to our house without much further ado, but I thought this was interesting. Apparently America is supposed to be a lot more fun than this!
So, our fault for taking them out. Too much, too soon.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
First All-Family Outing
This morning we had another house full of company. John's cousins happened to be in town, so they, John's mom and sister all came over. The kids handled it really well, except for Adam. Adam is a sulker if he doesn't get his way (REALLY going to have to work on that), and he was given a gift of clothes, which apparently aren't as fun as toys. He sulked about that though he put them on and said he liked them (after Mama asked him... his body language sure didn't say that!) I told him to go out and show everyone, and his sulking got pushed up a notch and he wouldn't go. I figured it would be better for him to stay in his room and sulk rather than to mortify me and the person who gave him his gift, so there he stayed for a while. Actually, he changed out of his new clothes and THEN came out a little later. Grrrr... Can't tell if this is Typical 9-year-old behavior, or Kid-who-doesn't-know-how-to-deal-with-all-the-attention behavior. Never had a 9-yr-old before!
The girls were perfect angels, and the little bit of "silliness" from the girls was pretty normal little-girl behavior, and absolutely nothing alarming. It's such a relief that they are doing so well.
Mama CAVED about telling everyone about the "nobody holds the kids but us and the grandparents" rule. I just HAVE to get a backbone in that department. Only grandparents and us. That's it. Though the girls did fabulously today, (and for the most part, Adam too), I have still seen them go to strangers for things they shouldn't be (hugs/picking up, etc.), and that has GOT to stop. They have to learn that their comforters are Mama and Papa - nobody else. Very hard to explain to people not in our shoes, especially if they are well-meaning family members who love our kids to death already. Now to just get up the gumption to TELL people that when they are sitting in our livingroom! Regardless, they acted like normal run-of-the-mill little kids today, and I was SOOOO relieved!
After they left, I had to stop at my dad's for our mail, so I put Aleksa in the car (major heart-thumping about that idea... She HATES seatbelts.) I just made a big deal about going to see Dyedushka, so she calmly climbed into her carseat and away we went. She was an absolute ANGEL at Dad's house (whew). Dad has a quiet house with just him there, so I'm sure that had to help a lot. I think I stayed for almost an hour, and she flirted with Grandpa, but never asked to be picked up (figures; he's one of the only people on the list of those who have our permission!) She gave him kisses though, which melted Grandpa's heart a little I think! ;O)
THEN (boy was this a big day for us!), we got brave/stupid and piled all the kids in the car and drove to Granddad's Bluff park. We let the kids look at the view and play a few minutes. John's sister, her daughter, and John's cousins also went. We didn't stay long, but it was a nice test to see how they would do "going out" and they were GREAT! (Ok, minus Adam not wanting to smile for our family photo on the bluff. Again, probably just 9-yr-old behavior coming out). The kids acted like normal family in every sense of the word. The girls begged John and me to carry them - nobody else. (Yaaaaay!) (Though, boy are they getting heavy! I weighed Aleksa at Dad's house and she's 32.5 lbs.) John and I sang songs all the way there and back, as Liana kept begging for more. Then she asked for the song I mentioned yesterday that I know in Ukrainian, and then we all sang that one too. (Minus Papa, that is). I got Liana on video singing that. Haven't looked at it yet, but I sure hope it turned out!
The rest of the day the kids had us all to themselves and they played outside with Papa, and this evening we watched Mary Poppins again. Aleksa fell asleep on the couch (her normal spot to do so for the last several nights), and the other two didn't make ANY fuss at all at bedtime. I laid in bed with Liana a few minutes though. She wanted to practice counting my fingers. She can count to ten just fine now, but she has the cutest little accent! Of the three, she's the most interested in asking what things are in English, and the most brave about using the little English she knows. ALTHOUGH, tonight when we were tickling all the kids on the livingroom floor (*bliss*), Adam said, "Stop!" John had taught him that word the day before at the park when they were swinging. Since we were so tickled he used an English word, we did stop, but we had to reward him with lots and lots of sloppy kisses. *tee-hee*
Speaking of sloppy kisses, Liana has been doling out kisses left and right to us. She tried to kiss John on the lips the other day and John told her that "only Mama" can do that, and came over and showed her. (Which inspired a room full of kids to say "EEEEWWWW" in Russian.) She thought it was a game thereafter to try to kiss him on the lips, so John has had to cover his mouth, etc. It has been a fun game, but also a good time of learning boundaries with the children, and also a time to teach how special Papa thinks Mama is. *Grins*
Adam slugged Liana today, so I took him to his room and had a "chit-chat." I told him he had to say he was sorry to her, kiss her on the cheek and hug her. Tall order for a 9-yr-old boy, but he eventually did it. Liana was thrilled that I made someone other than her do that since it had been her turn to do that with Aleksa this morning. When he finally did it, then Liana and I had fun smothering Adam's cheeks with kisses telling him he was a good boy, etc. He gave me a great hug, and I told him he was my son and that I was happy about that, etc. He hugged me longer than I thought he would have, and so Mama was pretty happy about that. He's a great kid. Rough around the edges sometimes, but he's realllllly coming along.
Food update: Liana didn't want her banana bread today!!!! Yay!!! AND: (Ready?) Aleksa ate everything she was given for supper tonight! She even gave me the thumbs up sign! Maybe Mama is finally learning to cook! ;O)
I also talked to a teacher friend of mine tonight about homeschooling. It was nice to get some encouragement as to what direction to take, especially since she has had some ESL experience in her classrooms. Also, she currently homeschools one of her sons, so she knows the ropes that way too. She offered to let us look at the curriculum she uses, etc. I feel much better now. She also has an extra form to submit to the state for registration as a homeschool family. I had been worried about an August deadline to do so (and then be violating a truancy law), but she said the deadline is in October, so I was very relieved to hear that.
'Nough for now, the kids are about due to wake up and hit the floor running - and I haven't had my shower yet!!!! Gotta go!
The girls were perfect angels, and the little bit of "silliness" from the girls was pretty normal little-girl behavior, and absolutely nothing alarming. It's such a relief that they are doing so well.
Mama CAVED about telling everyone about the "nobody holds the kids but us and the grandparents" rule. I just HAVE to get a backbone in that department. Only grandparents and us. That's it. Though the girls did fabulously today, (and for the most part, Adam too), I have still seen them go to strangers for things they shouldn't be (hugs/picking up, etc.), and that has GOT to stop. They have to learn that their comforters are Mama and Papa - nobody else. Very hard to explain to people not in our shoes, especially if they are well-meaning family members who love our kids to death already. Now to just get up the gumption to TELL people that when they are sitting in our livingroom! Regardless, they acted like normal run-of-the-mill little kids today, and I was SOOOO relieved!
After they left, I had to stop at my dad's for our mail, so I put Aleksa in the car (major heart-thumping about that idea... She HATES seatbelts.) I just made a big deal about going to see Dyedushka, so she calmly climbed into her carseat and away we went. She was an absolute ANGEL at Dad's house (whew). Dad has a quiet house with just him there, so I'm sure that had to help a lot. I think I stayed for almost an hour, and she flirted with Grandpa, but never asked to be picked up (figures; he's one of the only people on the list of those who have our permission!) She gave him kisses though, which melted Grandpa's heart a little I think! ;O)
THEN (boy was this a big day for us!), we got brave/stupid and piled all the kids in the car and drove to Granddad's Bluff park. We let the kids look at the view and play a few minutes. John's sister, her daughter, and John's cousins also went. We didn't stay long, but it was a nice test to see how they would do "going out" and they were GREAT! (Ok, minus Adam not wanting to smile for our family photo on the bluff. Again, probably just 9-yr-old behavior coming out). The kids acted like normal family in every sense of the word. The girls begged John and me to carry them - nobody else. (Yaaaaay!) (Though, boy are they getting heavy! I weighed Aleksa at Dad's house and she's 32.5 lbs.) John and I sang songs all the way there and back, as Liana kept begging for more. Then she asked for the song I mentioned yesterday that I know in Ukrainian, and then we all sang that one too. (Minus Papa, that is). I got Liana on video singing that. Haven't looked at it yet, but I sure hope it turned out!
The rest of the day the kids had us all to themselves and they played outside with Papa, and this evening we watched Mary Poppins again. Aleksa fell asleep on the couch (her normal spot to do so for the last several nights), and the other two didn't make ANY fuss at all at bedtime. I laid in bed with Liana a few minutes though. She wanted to practice counting my fingers. She can count to ten just fine now, but she has the cutest little accent! Of the three, she's the most interested in asking what things are in English, and the most brave about using the little English she knows. ALTHOUGH, tonight when we were tickling all the kids on the livingroom floor (*bliss*), Adam said, "Stop!" John had taught him that word the day before at the park when they were swinging. Since we were so tickled he used an English word, we did stop, but we had to reward him with lots and lots of sloppy kisses. *tee-hee*
Speaking of sloppy kisses, Liana has been doling out kisses left and right to us. She tried to kiss John on the lips the other day and John told her that "only Mama" can do that, and came over and showed her. (Which inspired a room full of kids to say "EEEEWWWW" in Russian.) She thought it was a game thereafter to try to kiss him on the lips, so John has had to cover his mouth, etc. It has been a fun game, but also a good time of learning boundaries with the children, and also a time to teach how special Papa thinks Mama is. *Grins*
Adam slugged Liana today, so I took him to his room and had a "chit-chat." I told him he had to say he was sorry to her, kiss her on the cheek and hug her. Tall order for a 9-yr-old boy, but he eventually did it. Liana was thrilled that I made someone other than her do that since it had been her turn to do that with Aleksa this morning. When he finally did it, then Liana and I had fun smothering Adam's cheeks with kisses telling him he was a good boy, etc. He gave me a great hug, and I told him he was my son and that I was happy about that, etc. He hugged me longer than I thought he would have, and so Mama was pretty happy about that. He's a great kid. Rough around the edges sometimes, but he's realllllly coming along.
Food update: Liana didn't want her banana bread today!!!! Yay!!! AND: (Ready?) Aleksa ate everything she was given for supper tonight! She even gave me the thumbs up sign! Maybe Mama is finally learning to cook! ;O)
I also talked to a teacher friend of mine tonight about homeschooling. It was nice to get some encouragement as to what direction to take, especially since she has had some ESL experience in her classrooms. Also, she currently homeschools one of her sons, so she knows the ropes that way too. She offered to let us look at the curriculum she uses, etc. I feel much better now. She also has an extra form to submit to the state for registration as a homeschool family. I had been worried about an August deadline to do so (and then be violating a truancy law), but she said the deadline is in October, so I was very relieved to hear that.
'Nough for now, the kids are about due to wake up and hit the floor running - and I haven't had my shower yet!!!! Gotta go!
Monday, August 23, 2004
First trips out
John took Liana and Adam on separate trips to Walmart and the grocery store. They each needed new tennies and John decided they all needed belts. And of course, groceries are going to be a constant "problem" at the Fisher residence for the next 15 years! :O)
The kids did reallllllly well and loved having John all to themselves for a bit. I was relieved to hear the good report. Neither of us are brave enough to take all three out at once yet. Gonna have to make some trial runs this week though, since I get to fly solo then with John back to work.
It felt weird skipping church yesterday, but whaddaya do? It just seemed cruel to take them and then expect them to behave. We'll try it next Sunday at least to take them to Jr. Church, but this week was just too soon. They would have been bouncing off the walls taking watches off of people, making people show them the insides of their mouths, looking up dresses and the like. Not Cool.
Aleksa is still not eating well. At supper tonight, she wouldn't eat ANYTHING, but I happened to look over at her mid-way through the meal to see her taking the seeds out of her green beans and eating them. ?????.
Liana is now leaving food on her plate. Seems weird that I'm upset about one not eating, and thrilled about another not eating. At one point today Liana was pouting about something or other, and when we announced snack time, she went to her room and declared she wasn't going to eat. Okay! So the rest of the kids got their fruit popsicles without her. Anyway, while we weren't thrilled with the attitude, it did show that we're making some good progress with her trusting us to give her food. It struck us that this was the same little girl that would eat anything coming out of the ground back at the orphanage... tree sap, foliage, whatever - and you'd have to fight her to get it from her. She's come a long way in a very short time. Anyway, none of the kids begged for snacks either. We just gave them when it was time for them, and none of them howled about food in between.
Adam is still licking his plate clean at mealtime and begging his sisters for their food, but like I said though, between meals he was fine.
Both Liana and Aleksa had some tantrums today. It took a while, but they were sorry afterwards, and they were both the best snugglers and "Mama-kissers" in the world thereafter. They crave someone drawing a line in the sand and saying "no." It's like their world seems safer when someone is there to show them what their boundaries are. Whatever it was, they were completely different kids afterwards.
Aleksa started to glaze over once today. I had a feeling the language thing was getting to her. So, I plopped her on my lap at the computer and looked up www.ukrainianpower.com where they have some clips from some childrens' Ukrainian language videos. She snuggled in, watched for a while (perfectly still), and then nearly fell asleep. Poor kid. I learned two of the songs one the video clips before we left for Ukraine that I've been singing around the house for the kids. It was fun when Liana and Aleksa started to sing them with me, and asked me to sing them over and over. (I must not have butchered them too bad!) ;O) Anyway, I think it was a welcome "break" for them to be hearing something familiar in more than just two or three words at a time from us. Though John and I are getting pretty good at knowing what they are saying, we still can't express ourselves to them in Russian in any lengthy sentences. It's always easier to understand a language than it is to speak it. Thankfully the kids are really understanding a lot, but we'll all be happy when we're a one-language family.
Anyway, thanks everyone so much for all the support in your comments on the blog and also private emails. If you vets to adoption have any more advice, please post it on the blog so others can benefit too... And maybe your stories can help our families/friends understand better what we're going through, and understand why we are doing things the way we are... (taking toys/clothes away, etc.) I'm sure we sound nasty and cruel to some. (But frankly, we think it is nasty and cruel to NOT limit their "input" right now. We're just helping them to be able to cope with their brand new world).
The kids did reallllllly well and loved having John all to themselves for a bit. I was relieved to hear the good report. Neither of us are brave enough to take all three out at once yet. Gonna have to make some trial runs this week though, since I get to fly solo then with John back to work.
It felt weird skipping church yesterday, but whaddaya do? It just seemed cruel to take them and then expect them to behave. We'll try it next Sunday at least to take them to Jr. Church, but this week was just too soon. They would have been bouncing off the walls taking watches off of people, making people show them the insides of their mouths, looking up dresses and the like. Not Cool.
Aleksa is still not eating well. At supper tonight, she wouldn't eat ANYTHING, but I happened to look over at her mid-way through the meal to see her taking the seeds out of her green beans and eating them. ?????.
Liana is now leaving food on her plate. Seems weird that I'm upset about one not eating, and thrilled about another not eating. At one point today Liana was pouting about something or other, and when we announced snack time, she went to her room and declared she wasn't going to eat. Okay! So the rest of the kids got their fruit popsicles without her. Anyway, while we weren't thrilled with the attitude, it did show that we're making some good progress with her trusting us to give her food. It struck us that this was the same little girl that would eat anything coming out of the ground back at the orphanage... tree sap, foliage, whatever - and you'd have to fight her to get it from her. She's come a long way in a very short time. Anyway, none of the kids begged for snacks either. We just gave them when it was time for them, and none of them howled about food in between.
Adam is still licking his plate clean at mealtime and begging his sisters for their food, but like I said though, between meals he was fine.
Both Liana and Aleksa had some tantrums today. It took a while, but they were sorry afterwards, and they were both the best snugglers and "Mama-kissers" in the world thereafter. They crave someone drawing a line in the sand and saying "no." It's like their world seems safer when someone is there to show them what their boundaries are. Whatever it was, they were completely different kids afterwards.
Aleksa started to glaze over once today. I had a feeling the language thing was getting to her. So, I plopped her on my lap at the computer and looked up www.ukrainianpower.com where they have some clips from some childrens' Ukrainian language videos. She snuggled in, watched for a while (perfectly still), and then nearly fell asleep. Poor kid. I learned two of the songs one the video clips before we left for Ukraine that I've been singing around the house for the kids. It was fun when Liana and Aleksa started to sing them with me, and asked me to sing them over and over. (I must not have butchered them too bad!) ;O) Anyway, I think it was a welcome "break" for them to be hearing something familiar in more than just two or three words at a time from us. Though John and I are getting pretty good at knowing what they are saying, we still can't express ourselves to them in Russian in any lengthy sentences. It's always easier to understand a language than it is to speak it. Thankfully the kids are really understanding a lot, but we'll all be happy when we're a one-language family.
Anyway, thanks everyone so much for all the support in your comments on the blog and also private emails. If you vets to adoption have any more advice, please post it on the blog so others can benefit too... And maybe your stories can help our families/friends understand better what we're going through, and understand why we are doing things the way we are... (taking toys/clothes away, etc.) I'm sure we sound nasty and cruel to some. (But frankly, we think it is nasty and cruel to NOT limit their "input" right now. We're just helping them to be able to cope with their brand new world).
Sunday, August 22, 2004
More pics of the kids
Bonding in Kiev
Adam Loves Playdough
...So Does Liana!
Tickle, Tickle!
(Aleksa currently has nasty coldsores on her nose and mouth, so I'll post more of her when she heals up).
Adam Loves Playdough
...So Does Liana!
Tickle, Tickle!
(Aleksa currently has nasty coldsores on her nose and mouth, so I'll post more of her when she heals up).
Overstimulation
John and I moved all the toys and all the girls' clothes into a large cabinet that we moved from the girls' room into the kitchen. I expected a war, but the kids seemed to think it was cool that Papa could move such a huge piece of furniture and just stood out of the way. Not a peep out of the girls, but once Adam noticed that his toys were out of his room, he wasn't the happiest camper we ever saw, but he didn't pitch that much of a fit. We just showed him where his toys were, and he seemed ok with it then.
We have to watch that boy... He's got the "gimmes" really bad as we've mentioned before. He finds things around the house that he decides to claim, and then squirrels them away in his room. Today I found my kitchen clock hung inside Adam's closet on a nail that neither John nor I remember putting there. He also put his lamp in his closet where he left it on for who knows how long. We've found other odds and ends too.
Adam seems to be having the most trouble the last few days. He has a super-strong sense of propriety and if something isn't "just right" he throws himself into a tizzy. He sulks, throws things, smarts off, etc. He was in such a mood for about two hours today just before lunch. At mealtime, he told us he didn't want to eat (he was still upset), so we made him sit there with us anyway. John and I were actually pretty happy that he didn't eat... It means he's finally starting to trust us with his food. Up 'til now, he's gobbled down every bite and then asked for more. He finally did start eating, but only when we started talking about the scotcheroos that everyone would get when they were all done with their plate. So, although it wasnt' good that he threw a fit, the fact that he was willing to not eat meant a lot to how he's doing in the Food Department emotionally.
Adam asked me for something or other in Russian today, and I told him I didn't understand. Then he said, "Pen, please, Mama" in English. I'm going to have to remember that if the kids think we *might* know what they're saying in Russian, they won't bother trying in English, even though they know how to say it. Very valuable insight right there...
My brother, his wife and two girls, and another brother came today. There were gifts galore all over the place for the kids. They loved them, but it was very over-stimulating for them. Actually, Adam is the one who is really affected by all the attention and excitement. He turns from "good boy" to "hyper boy" to "naughty boy" every five minutes. He gets very overwhelmed, and as my brother was talking to him, Adam started trying to take his watch off of him, etc. That's what Over-stimulated Adam will do... he'll take things off of the person talking to him, hang on them, and basically act "inappropriate." He'll also smart off with his face at people and mimic them. Makes for a mortified Mama, but I had definitely warned them beforehand that this could happen. Too much thrown at him all at once. I was *very* thankful that we had already moved their toys into the kitchen. The kids would have been miserable all day wanting everything all at once, etc. We let Adam have his clothes in his room. He seems the least affected by clothing.
The girls got baby dolls that cry and then say, "Mama, Papa." They are soooo cute, but they make them say it over and over and over and over and over.... ;O) I would have bought them too, though, had I seen them, so I was pretty tickled for the girls. They each had to sleep with them. It was funny to hear a "Mama, Papa" from a doll after I knew the girls were asleep. Maybe they aren't the best "to sleep with" dollies. :O)
They also got lots of nice new clothes. Apparently the girls are in 4T's, abd 3T's, but Aleksa's tummy is a 4T, so while 3T's are long enough, they sometimes aren't wide enough. The kids are all three putting on pounds, so who knows how long they'll be in those. I was just looking at some orphanage pics of the kids, and it warmed my heart to notice that the kids are filling out already. Adam and Liana especially. Aleksa, our Chunk, is our picky eater. She still hasn't eaten all that much. She loves her breakfast food (eggs), and that's about it. She'll only eat fruit and veggies and yogurt (and of course scotcheroo bars made by Grandma).
Speaking of clothes, Adam got some new jammies from his aunt and uncle... They are SUPERMAN jammies. He knew all about Superman, and was SOOOOOOO excited to notice that the emblem on the front of his pj top glowed in the dark.
Not sure what to do about Adam for school. I don't think he's ready emotionally to be plopped in to school. He's the one most scared about anyone leaving the house without him, and most affected by any extra stimulation, so probably for the first semester at least, I'll have to do my best to teach him at home. Making sure he knows we're a family is more important than anything right now. Poor little guy. If anyone has or knows of a good homeschool curriculum, please email us!
I have been completely exhausted in the evenings. I doze off on the couch at 7:30 or 8:00 sometimes. Of course, that means that I'm up by 4:30 or 5:00. Good time to blog though... Otherwise it would never happen. I hope these "post adoption" blog entries will help a future adoptive family. It always bugged me before that once a family had traveled, that their getting off the plane was the "End" of their story. It's really just the beginning!!! There is as much to learn hearing about peoples' first days home as there is reading their travel journal, but that's just my humble opinion.
We have to watch that boy... He's got the "gimmes" really bad as we've mentioned before. He finds things around the house that he decides to claim, and then squirrels them away in his room. Today I found my kitchen clock hung inside Adam's closet on a nail that neither John nor I remember putting there. He also put his lamp in his closet where he left it on for who knows how long. We've found other odds and ends too.
Adam seems to be having the most trouble the last few days. He has a super-strong sense of propriety and if something isn't "just right" he throws himself into a tizzy. He sulks, throws things, smarts off, etc. He was in such a mood for about two hours today just before lunch. At mealtime, he told us he didn't want to eat (he was still upset), so we made him sit there with us anyway. John and I were actually pretty happy that he didn't eat... It means he's finally starting to trust us with his food. Up 'til now, he's gobbled down every bite and then asked for more. He finally did start eating, but only when we started talking about the scotcheroos that everyone would get when they were all done with their plate. So, although it wasnt' good that he threw a fit, the fact that he was willing to not eat meant a lot to how he's doing in the Food Department emotionally.
Adam asked me for something or other in Russian today, and I told him I didn't understand. Then he said, "Pen, please, Mama" in English. I'm going to have to remember that if the kids think we *might* know what they're saying in Russian, they won't bother trying in English, even though they know how to say it. Very valuable insight right there...
My brother, his wife and two girls, and another brother came today. There were gifts galore all over the place for the kids. They loved them, but it was very over-stimulating for them. Actually, Adam is the one who is really affected by all the attention and excitement. He turns from "good boy" to "hyper boy" to "naughty boy" every five minutes. He gets very overwhelmed, and as my brother was talking to him, Adam started trying to take his watch off of him, etc. That's what Over-stimulated Adam will do... he'll take things off of the person talking to him, hang on them, and basically act "inappropriate." He'll also smart off with his face at people and mimic them. Makes for a mortified Mama, but I had definitely warned them beforehand that this could happen. Too much thrown at him all at once. I was *very* thankful that we had already moved their toys into the kitchen. The kids would have been miserable all day wanting everything all at once, etc. We let Adam have his clothes in his room. He seems the least affected by clothing.
The girls got baby dolls that cry and then say, "Mama, Papa." They are soooo cute, but they make them say it over and over and over and over and over.... ;O) I would have bought them too, though, had I seen them, so I was pretty tickled for the girls. They each had to sleep with them. It was funny to hear a "Mama, Papa" from a doll after I knew the girls were asleep. Maybe they aren't the best "to sleep with" dollies. :O)
They also got lots of nice new clothes. Apparently the girls are in 4T's, abd 3T's, but Aleksa's tummy is a 4T, so while 3T's are long enough, they sometimes aren't wide enough. The kids are all three putting on pounds, so who knows how long they'll be in those. I was just looking at some orphanage pics of the kids, and it warmed my heart to notice that the kids are filling out already. Adam and Liana especially. Aleksa, our Chunk, is our picky eater. She still hasn't eaten all that much. She loves her breakfast food (eggs), and that's about it. She'll only eat fruit and veggies and yogurt (and of course scotcheroo bars made by Grandma).
Speaking of clothes, Adam got some new jammies from his aunt and uncle... They are SUPERMAN jammies. He knew all about Superman, and was SOOOOOOO excited to notice that the emblem on the front of his pj top glowed in the dark.
Not sure what to do about Adam for school. I don't think he's ready emotionally to be plopped in to school. He's the one most scared about anyone leaving the house without him, and most affected by any extra stimulation, so probably for the first semester at least, I'll have to do my best to teach him at home. Making sure he knows we're a family is more important than anything right now. Poor little guy. If anyone has or knows of a good homeschool curriculum, please email us!
I have been completely exhausted in the evenings. I doze off on the couch at 7:30 or 8:00 sometimes. Of course, that means that I'm up by 4:30 or 5:00. Good time to blog though... Otherwise it would never happen. I hope these "post adoption" blog entries will help a future adoptive family. It always bugged me before that once a family had traveled, that their getting off the plane was the "End" of their story. It's really just the beginning!!! There is as much to learn hearing about peoples' first days home as there is reading their travel journal, but that's just my humble opinion.
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Great Day
Today we had very few bumps in the road for the kids. Nobody came except a lady dropping of a meal for us at suppertime, and I'm sure the lack of "excitement" has helped a lot. Nice quiet morning (I broke out some playdough and they LOVED it.) They took turns kissing us on both cheeks (especially Liana) alllllll day. They just couldn't get enough. (And of course, neither could we!)
We read lots of books together today, and put Mary Poppins in again. We have taken out the tv altogether except for when they watch videos - Adam would be a couch potato otherwise. (Plus the fights over the remote would be quite bloody). We wouldn't let them watch tv at all, but we think it will speed up their English, so we're willing to let them watch a little each day, but only the videos we choose. Good thing we only have a small tv - lugging it in and out of our bedroom each day would get old fast.
Anyway, John had to go in to work again today for a few hours. Adam gets very nervous and moody when he does. Not sure if he thinks he's being rejected or what. He had begged to go with him, but of course that wasn't possible. So, he sulked for a while slamming doors and throwing toys. I sat him on his bed and reassured him that we loved him and that Papa would be back soon. He understood, but he was still upset. He told me he wanted to go back to the Detsky Dom (orphanage). Liana was in the room when he started to talk this way. She was quietly looking through a book, and when I started to remind him that he was MY son, not the orphanage's son, and that at the orphanage there was no Mama, no Papa, no bananas, no bedroom, no new clothes, no house, etc., etc., he got very dishrag-cuddly, but he still said he wanted the orphanage. Liana said she DIDN'T want the orphanage and Adam told her she did. She calmly (and sadly) said that the orphanage was bad and she hated it and that she wanted her mama and papa and her house in America. She never raised her eyes to either of us, and without my TEEENY bit of Russian, I would never have caught it, but after she told him that, he quit. I just held him and held him telling him I loved him, etc.
Thankfully John came home soon after that and he took everyone outside and played hide and seek, swung them around, kicked around a ball, etc. They loved it, and Adam was "all better" after that. We got a little good news (???) today. His boss layed him off for next week. Which is bad for our grocery bill (and our c.c. bill since we wound up having to buy all new tickets home), but it will be reallllllly good for the kids. Blessing in disguise, and I'm actually very relieved. Adam especially needs that Papa time.
When the lady from church brought us supper and the kids went out of their skin with excitement to see some more food coming into the house. The older ones kissed and hugged her, etc. Another eyeopener that we definitely need to cement our relationships more - they shouldn't be so indescriminantly giving away hugs and kisses. Up until now immediate family has come over, and so the hugs and kisses seemed very much appropriate since we'd shared everyones' pictures, etc., but these kids had never been told about this lady. Maybe it was because of the food, but it was alarming to me. (Though she thought we had the nicest kids on the planet!) We're going to have to make a rule that when we start going back to church, that they are not held by anyone but us and their grandparents. I'm going to have to put the word out too that everyone is considered a "mama and papa" to them. They were taught to call all adults that at the orphanage, so people should expect to hear that at first. It bugs me to death, but whaddaya do? Just keep correcting them and hoping they'll "get it" soon.
Anyway, the girls loved their bathtime again. They would have played and played in there, but once Aleksa announced that she peed in the water, Liana decided it was time to evacuate. Don't blame her! ;O) Liana didn't want to wear the jammies I picked for her - she wanted her pretty play clothes on again, so she wound up pitching a fit and screaming at me. So, since I still had to get Aleksa out of the Contaminated Water, John got to deal with Liana. He put her in a corner until she calmed down and then told her firmly that it was time for bed and that we wear jammies to bed, not play clothes, and he stood her there until she said she was sorry. (Mostly he did this because getting them to understand our authority over them has been pretty rough sometimes.) He let her pick a different set of jammies, and she happily put them on and climbed into bed. It has been amazing, but every time we have made them say they were sorry, it has taken a long time to get it out of them, but they have been IMMEDIATELY just fine, and quit crying, etc. All hugs and kisses again, and we of course reward them with snuggles, cuddles and hugs and kisses in return telling them we love them, etc.
The playing outside wore her out I think, so I'm pretty sure she was grumping because she was overtired. She is very particular over what she wants to wear in general though. I guess if I came from a place where I had no choice over what I could wear and had to wear it every day that I would be loving my pretty new play clothes too.
Though it is a nuisance not speaking the same language in the house, it hasn't been that much of a problem. We have understood the "important" things, and I think that has helped the kids enormously that we bothered to learn some Russian before our trip. Couldn't even IMAGINE how hard it would be at the Fisher Home otherwise. The more Russian you learn before your trip, the easier your transition. For those of you still waiting to adopt, (and especially those of you wanting to adopt more than one child), Go buy a few sets of Pimsleur language tapes. They'll pay for themselves in the headaches they'll save you. Just Do It. Some have offered us some interpretation services to us, but truthfully, we communicate just fine, and what we don't understand, we have figured out rather easily through pointing, gesturing, our dictionary, and especially by the vocabulary words that we already know.
We read lots of books together today, and put Mary Poppins in again. We have taken out the tv altogether except for when they watch videos - Adam would be a couch potato otherwise. (Plus the fights over the remote would be quite bloody). We wouldn't let them watch tv at all, but we think it will speed up their English, so we're willing to let them watch a little each day, but only the videos we choose. Good thing we only have a small tv - lugging it in and out of our bedroom each day would get old fast.
Anyway, John had to go in to work again today for a few hours. Adam gets very nervous and moody when he does. Not sure if he thinks he's being rejected or what. He had begged to go with him, but of course that wasn't possible. So, he sulked for a while slamming doors and throwing toys. I sat him on his bed and reassured him that we loved him and that Papa would be back soon. He understood, but he was still upset. He told me he wanted to go back to the Detsky Dom (orphanage). Liana was in the room when he started to talk this way. She was quietly looking through a book, and when I started to remind him that he was MY son, not the orphanage's son, and that at the orphanage there was no Mama, no Papa, no bananas, no bedroom, no new clothes, no house, etc., etc., he got very dishrag-cuddly, but he still said he wanted the orphanage. Liana said she DIDN'T want the orphanage and Adam told her she did. She calmly (and sadly) said that the orphanage was bad and she hated it and that she wanted her mama and papa and her house in America. She never raised her eyes to either of us, and without my TEEENY bit of Russian, I would never have caught it, but after she told him that, he quit. I just held him and held him telling him I loved him, etc.
Thankfully John came home soon after that and he took everyone outside and played hide and seek, swung them around, kicked around a ball, etc. They loved it, and Adam was "all better" after that. We got a little good news (???) today. His boss layed him off for next week. Which is bad for our grocery bill (and our c.c. bill since we wound up having to buy all new tickets home), but it will be reallllllly good for the kids. Blessing in disguise, and I'm actually very relieved. Adam especially needs that Papa time.
When the lady from church brought us supper and the kids went out of their skin with excitement to see some more food coming into the house. The older ones kissed and hugged her, etc. Another eyeopener that we definitely need to cement our relationships more - they shouldn't be so indescriminantly giving away hugs and kisses. Up until now immediate family has come over, and so the hugs and kisses seemed very much appropriate since we'd shared everyones' pictures, etc., but these kids had never been told about this lady. Maybe it was because of the food, but it was alarming to me. (Though she thought we had the nicest kids on the planet!) We're going to have to make a rule that when we start going back to church, that they are not held by anyone but us and their grandparents. I'm going to have to put the word out too that everyone is considered a "mama and papa" to them. They were taught to call all adults that at the orphanage, so people should expect to hear that at first. It bugs me to death, but whaddaya do? Just keep correcting them and hoping they'll "get it" soon.
Anyway, the girls loved their bathtime again. They would have played and played in there, but once Aleksa announced that she peed in the water, Liana decided it was time to evacuate. Don't blame her! ;O) Liana didn't want to wear the jammies I picked for her - she wanted her pretty play clothes on again, so she wound up pitching a fit and screaming at me. So, since I still had to get Aleksa out of the Contaminated Water, John got to deal with Liana. He put her in a corner until she calmed down and then told her firmly that it was time for bed and that we wear jammies to bed, not play clothes, and he stood her there until she said she was sorry. (Mostly he did this because getting them to understand our authority over them has been pretty rough sometimes.) He let her pick a different set of jammies, and she happily put them on and climbed into bed. It has been amazing, but every time we have made them say they were sorry, it has taken a long time to get it out of them, but they have been IMMEDIATELY just fine, and quit crying, etc. All hugs and kisses again, and we of course reward them with snuggles, cuddles and hugs and kisses in return telling them we love them, etc.
The playing outside wore her out I think, so I'm pretty sure she was grumping because she was overtired. She is very particular over what she wants to wear in general though. I guess if I came from a place where I had no choice over what I could wear and had to wear it every day that I would be loving my pretty new play clothes too.
Though it is a nuisance not speaking the same language in the house, it hasn't been that much of a problem. We have understood the "important" things, and I think that has helped the kids enormously that we bothered to learn some Russian before our trip. Couldn't even IMAGINE how hard it would be at the Fisher Home otherwise. The more Russian you learn before your trip, the easier your transition. For those of you still waiting to adopt, (and especially those of you wanting to adopt more than one child), Go buy a few sets of Pimsleur language tapes. They'll pay for themselves in the headaches they'll save you. Just Do It. Some have offered us some interpretation services to us, but truthfully, we communicate just fine, and what we don't understand, we have figured out rather easily through pointing, gesturing, our dictionary, and especially by the vocabulary words that we already know.
Friday, August 20, 2004
Settling In
The first few days home have been busy, busy, busy. It looks like John has to go back to work next week (WAAAAAAHHHH), so a nice routine will be here only after John leaves. Which stinks. The kids are soooo easily over-stimulated. I layed in bed thinking that maybe we should take the toys out of their rooms for a little while. Put them in the kitchen or somewhere. They need to have some more structure. It is just too much for right now. (And we had been warned up and down before we adopted that we should watch out for this). Going from having NO possessions to a TON of possessions is an overload for these little people.
The kids beg for food non-stop all day long. We have told them what time they can expect snacks or meals, thinking this would cut it down, but now they constantly ask what time it is instead of asking for food. Liana peeked out our kitchen window today and saw the neighbor's garden. She screamed with excitement and took off toward the door. There were nice red tomatoes in the garden, that I'm sure look pretty yummy. Aleksa, on the other hand, has not eaten much since we got home other than fruit, eggs, yogurt and hot dogs. I'm sure all the changes have been a stress to her, and that she'll start eating soon, but boy, I'm sure not cooking twice for every meal!
Cute Aleksa story quick. The first morning home she came out playing with her new baby doll. Now, mind you I only know a smidgeon of Russian, but this I understood from her. She said, "My dolly has no shoes. You should buy some shoes for her. Just little ones this big. Then Papa will say this is a beautiful dolly!" Then she went on about something else or other, but I thought that was cute. Which reminds me of another Aleksa story from our trip to the outdoor museum in Kiev. Out of the blue she said, "I'm cold." A little bit later she said. "I think I'll buy a sweater." Then a little later we walked past the gift shop and she said, "Oh look! A store!" It was cute. Vica laughed and laughed at her. (Ok, You probably had to be there...)
I have to list some more cool, "I know I'm a mama now" things...
- I've had to run the dishwasher every night!
- I told Adam that I loved him (in Russian) and he said (in ENGLISH) "I love you, Mama." (Yes, I did cry!)
- I have had marker stains on the carpet already. (Got it out thankfully)
- The kids don't want to put away their toys and blubber about their siblings making the mess that I ask THEM to pick up.
- I've had hundreds of kisses every day. No reason at all.
- The girls play beauty shop with me and at one time I've had about forty hair accessories on my head all at once. It was fun!
- I fell asleep on the couch at 8:00ish last night from pure exhaustion. John got to do bedtime duty all by himself.
We have had lots of "firsts" together lately. First visits with grandparents, first time watching John put his contacts in, first time watching him shave, first time eating pizza, first book read ("The Cat in the Hat" - Adam loved it!), first video watched as a family ("Mary Poppins"), first time playing in the yard with Mama and Papa, etc.
John had to pop in to work yesterday for a few hours and there were a few meltdowns while he was away. They don't like when he's gone. At all. You should have seen how excited they were when he came home! The girls pounded on the window screaming their hello, and Adam ran out and met him on the sidewalk. It was fun to see, but I know when he goes to work next Monday, it is going to be another rough adjustment time for us all.
Some have asked about the childrens' real parents. Well, John was born in Owatonna, Minnesota, grew up in Westbrook, went to college and then married me. I was born in La Crosse, WI, grew up there, went to college and then married John. Then we adopted Adam, Liana and Aleksa.
In other words, WE are their "real" parents. (Just think about that for a while...)
If anyone is actually asking about the children's biological parents, then that's a different question. We don't know a whole lot, but the little we do know we aren't comfortable sharing for now. Best to let them choose who knows or doesn't know their entire life history. Know what I mean?
That's all I can think of right now. I'm having a blast, but I'm definitely BUSY!
Love you all!
Shelly
The kids beg for food non-stop all day long. We have told them what time they can expect snacks or meals, thinking this would cut it down, but now they constantly ask what time it is instead of asking for food. Liana peeked out our kitchen window today and saw the neighbor's garden. She screamed with excitement and took off toward the door. There were nice red tomatoes in the garden, that I'm sure look pretty yummy. Aleksa, on the other hand, has not eaten much since we got home other than fruit, eggs, yogurt and hot dogs. I'm sure all the changes have been a stress to her, and that she'll start eating soon, but boy, I'm sure not cooking twice for every meal!
Cute Aleksa story quick. The first morning home she came out playing with her new baby doll. Now, mind you I only know a smidgeon of Russian, but this I understood from her. She said, "My dolly has no shoes. You should buy some shoes for her. Just little ones this big. Then Papa will say this is a beautiful dolly!" Then she went on about something else or other, but I thought that was cute. Which reminds me of another Aleksa story from our trip to the outdoor museum in Kiev. Out of the blue she said, "I'm cold." A little bit later she said. "I think I'll buy a sweater." Then a little later we walked past the gift shop and she said, "Oh look! A store!" It was cute. Vica laughed and laughed at her. (Ok, You probably had to be there...)
I have to list some more cool, "I know I'm a mama now" things...
- I've had to run the dishwasher every night!
- I told Adam that I loved him (in Russian) and he said (in ENGLISH) "I love you, Mama." (Yes, I did cry!)
- I have had marker stains on the carpet already. (Got it out thankfully)
- The kids don't want to put away their toys and blubber about their siblings making the mess that I ask THEM to pick up.
- I've had hundreds of kisses every day. No reason at all.
- The girls play beauty shop with me and at one time I've had about forty hair accessories on my head all at once. It was fun!
- I fell asleep on the couch at 8:00ish last night from pure exhaustion. John got to do bedtime duty all by himself.
We have had lots of "firsts" together lately. First visits with grandparents, first time watching John put his contacts in, first time watching him shave, first time eating pizza, first book read ("The Cat in the Hat" - Adam loved it!), first video watched as a family ("Mary Poppins"), first time playing in the yard with Mama and Papa, etc.
John had to pop in to work yesterday for a few hours and there were a few meltdowns while he was away. They don't like when he's gone. At all. You should have seen how excited they were when he came home! The girls pounded on the window screaming their hello, and Adam ran out and met him on the sidewalk. It was fun to see, but I know when he goes to work next Monday, it is going to be another rough adjustment time for us all.
Some have asked about the childrens' real parents. Well, John was born in Owatonna, Minnesota, grew up in Westbrook, went to college and then married me. I was born in La Crosse, WI, grew up there, went to college and then married John. Then we adopted Adam, Liana and Aleksa.
In other words, WE are their "real" parents. (Just think about that for a while...)
If anyone is actually asking about the children's biological parents, then that's a different question. We don't know a whole lot, but the little we do know we aren't comfortable sharing for now. Best to let them choose who knows or doesn't know their entire life history. Know what I mean?
That's all I can think of right now. I'm having a blast, but I'm definitely BUSY!
Love you all!
Shelly
Thursday, August 19, 2004
The Rest of the Story!
August 11, 2004 Wednesday
Court today! We ran around this morning doing some last minute paperwork/notarizing before
court. While Vica and John were off doing something and I was waiting in the car, Katya asked me
if we were going to have court, and I said yes. She asked if we were going to leave tomorrow. I
told her we were. I started crying! I'm sure going to miss her! I think it meant a lot to her
that I was so emotional about it. She's my Katya!
Court was a breeze. The other couple from Dallas had their appointment right after us, so we all
waited together. The judge was a woman who was probably in her early forties. She told us our
rights, asked us if we had any objections to the adoption, asked us if we were well informed of
the children's medical conditions, etc. She asked us basic questions like where did we work, our
names, birth dates, address, why we wanted the 30 days waived, what we wanted the court to do for
us (make us parents of the children, change their names and waive the 30 days.) The city
inspector and a representative of the orphanage also had to testify their approval of our
adoption. It was funny, but one of the things the orphanage lady said was that she knew we were
attached to the children because every time anyone saw us with them, we were carrying Zina
around, and it was obvious that we were fond of the others too. As the judge read her verdict/
the decree to us, I cried. Months and years of waiting to finally be a mother and it was finally
here. It's really hard to describe. So much paperwork, so many re-done documents, so much time
researching Ukrainian adoptions, so many hours talking to other families about their Ukrainian
adoption experiences, etc. The waiting, and the waiting, and the waiting, and the waiting. And
it was finally here, and it was finally coming to an end. We are our children's parents. Wow.
After court, we waited in the hall for the final paperwork for a long time. We got our pictures
taken with the Dallas couple and then we made a mad dash to the children's birth village which
seemed like a million miles away. It was in the middle of noplace in particular. I took lots of
pictures of it, but unfortunately, my photo memory card blinked out on us and all the pictures
were lost. Makes me sick to think about. Some of the most precious pictures that we could have
taken are zapped. I could have cried. Anyway, we got the new birth certificates and then headed
to Odessa to do some other odds and ends things. We ate at a Ukrainian sandwich place that is
right near a huge yellow Orthodox church. The sandwiches were made with flour taco shell-type
thingies, only they were fried first. There was chicken inside as well as seasoned french fries
and other things. It was really delicious actually.
By the way, we drove through Moldova! It was only about a 5 mile stretch, but we did! It was
cool that we got to go to another country while we were in Ukraine. Lots of fruit stands with
old babushkas tending them, and lots of goats and cows, and farming fields, and even a man out
with a sickle. Pretty cool.
Anyway, after that we went back to B.D. and went to bed. (We got there late.) It was terrible
that we didn't even get to see the kids on the day we actually became their parents. We both
hoped they wouldn't be too upset that we didn't come see them as usual today.
-------------------------
August 12, 2004 Thursday
Didn't get much sleep last night. I was all nerved up about getting the kids, wondering how they
were going to handle the trip to Kiev and then home. Wondering if we'd be ok parents. Wondering
if we'd bit off too much adopting three kids at once, etc. Lots going through the brain.
We went to Odessa again today to file things, and blah, blah, blah. (Legalization of documents,
etc.) Lots of running here and there, and in between went to a market to buy Liana and Aleksa
some new shoes and quickly found a few more outfits for them and Adam too. I was a nervous wreck
all day wondering how it would be when we take the kids tonight.
We got back to B.D. at about 4:00 and it had been decided that we would ride back to Kiev with
the Dallas couple in a van that we would rent and split the cost of. Much better than the train.
We headed first to the orphanage where we were told that we couldn't take the children until we
spoke to the director. Fine. But, she wouldn't be back for 20 minutes. She was with a Harley
Davidson group that was in town and she was taking them to the orphanage to get a tour of the
place. (Which we didn't even get!) (Well, we kinda did with some of Aleksa's bathroom
emergencies.)
Anyway, we went back to the hotel, packed our stuff, and somewhere in there we realized that our
black folder/binder with all our documents, etc. was nowhere to be found. The Dallas couple was
patiently waiting for us while we tore everything apart looking for it, and finally we found it
when we called the one of the managers and asked if it was seen. She had seen it in the dining
room at lunch time. Sure enough, that's where it was! Whew. I can't even begin to describe
how nervous and Freaked Out I was about everything: packing so quickly, losing the binder, the
heat, the worry over the kids, etc. I got into the van and soon realized that I hadn't said
good-bye to Katya. I started crying and the van stopped and I got out and ran over to Katya's
car (she had some car trouble so she hadn't left the hotel yet). I gave her a big hug, told her
I loved her, and gave her a small bag of some gifts.
We went back to the orphanage to collect the kids and by this time, the Harley Guys were there.
(Boy was that a site to see!) The director was busy showing them around, so she made us wait. (Funny that Harley Guys could get a tour of the place, but we couldn't!) Finally she just let us sign the papers and take the kids. The kids' caregiver spiffed them all up combing their hair and getting them dressed. She then gave Aleksa a small bunny that was
apparently her favorite. I thought that was sooooo sweet. I gave her a hug and then we flew
out. We didn't even have time to give the gifts we had brought for the caregivers. We just
left them in the main office and asked that they would be given.
The van was nice and big, and the driver was the stereotypical Ukrainian old man. Dark hair with
gray, and a looooooong mustache that scared Aleksa half to death at first. She didn't want to go into the van at all because of him, and had to be persuaded.
Finally we were off. Basically, it was the worst and longest night of our lives. The girls took
turns screaming, kicking, pinching, crying, sassing, hitting, etc. Adam also had his turn at
being defiant as he would not sit in his seat (we wanted to stand in the aisle). I firmly made
him sit over and over 'till fnally he did on his own. Aleksa had to go potty several times, and
at first she only wanted her "groupa's potty" and didn't want to go outside. She finally HAD to
go, and after that, she didn't ask for it anymore. Basically, the stress of the last few days
had gotten to us all. I was shot before we ever got into the van at all, but then when the kids
started screaming, I though, "WHAT DID WE DO?????????"
We got to the apartment in Kiev *really* late (like 4:30 am) and then they didn't want to sleep. Aleksa asked to go potty, and you guessed it, she didn't like the potty at the apartment. She wanted to go "na ulitsa" (Outside.) Since we were about 7 stories up with no elevator, and since this was a perfectly good potty, there weren't no way Mama was going to take Aleksa outside. So, I plopped her on the potty anyway, and she screamed her head off. While I was holding her there, she took an enormous bite out of my shoulder. Major bruise, plus some cut skin. Mama was Not a Happy Camper, let me tell you. Liana also had some more fits. I was too exhausted to even think straight. I slept with Aleksa, and John slept with the other two. It's gotta get better than this, right?
----------------
August 13, Friday
We had an appointment at the Oil and Gas Clinic at 9:00ish so we got very little sleep. The kids
were all still holding some major grudges against us for last night's trauma, and so Nobody was
happy, though they didn't throw any more fits at the doctor. The appointment lasted all of about
20 minutes for them all (just measured them, weighed them, asked them a few questions, and then
looked them over a few minutes. That was it.
Then we went to get our plane tickets. Three over-tired kids in a hot van in a strange place
waiting for hours at a time for something they don't understand was Not Fun. But, after going to
AirFrance, British Air and LOT, they finally found a good set of tickets for us for flying out on
Tuesday from Kiev to Amsterdam to Minneapolis. YAY!!!!!!!!
Then we went to the grocery store and picked up a bunch of food for the next few days. It was a
relief to get back to the apartment. Which brings us to the turning point with my relationship
with Liana. Before today, I have felt like she has not trusted me. She has seemed stressed with
me, and it has really made me wonder how to "reach" her. It finally happened today as we put the
groceries away and made supper. Liana VISIBLY relaxed with me and helped me in the kitchen all
evening. I think she finally "got it" that we are going to take good care of her and love her,
and FEED HER. She was practically giddy (not practically; she WAS) that we had so much food in
the refrigerator. She helped me cook supper, etc. It was an eye-opener to me that as I cut open
a canteloupe-type melon and scooped out the seeds, that this little girl asked me if she could
eat them. She gobbled them down like they were the best things she'd ever had.
Just a few comments on food. I don't think I've mentionedd this elsewhere in our blogging, but
the kids at the orphanage are starving not only for attention and love, but for food. They steal
unripened veggies out of the orphanage garden (which isn't anything to write home about in the
first place; nothing can grow there with the kids stealing from it all the time). We caught the
kids several times eating sap from trees, gnawing on the leathery green nut-casings from the
trees, and a few times we caught them eating plants or weeds. The children have no fruit,
protein or dairy in their diets. No juice. No cold water (they have hot tea). When we started
giving them bottled water, they drank it like it was going out of style. They've never been able
to drink it like that at the orphanage.
Anyway, our first supper was the key to starting our family. It isn't like we weren't a family
before tonight, but our first supper around the table was the "clincher" for the children, and
especially Liana as I said. The kids gobbled down every bite, licked their plates and thanked us
over and over again with hugs and kisses. After the kids left the table/kitchen, John came in and
said, "We had our first supper together!!!" and gave me a big hug and kiss. It was probably the
sweetest few hours of my life. Hard to put in words how happy I was to be cooking supper with my
sweet little girl who was calling me "mamachka" (a very affectionate term for mama) for the first
time and doling out hugs and kisses for no reason at all left and right. (Up 'til now I was "
Mama" and occasionally "mamka" when she didn't get her way.) (Mamka is what they call me when
they're mad at me about something or other.)
After supper, I stepped out of the kitchen for a few minutes and when I returned, I found Adam
and Liana doing the dishes!!!!!!!!!!! (Don't think that will last long once they get home, but
we got pictures to prove it did happen!)
At bedtime, we hooked up the laptop and showed them pictures of their new family in America, as
well as some pictures we took of them at the orphanage. They loved it, and it was nice to pile
all three kids in a big bed to look at them.
I should also add that this evening I got another initiation to being an "official mother"... I
stepped on my first Lego tonight! I was practically GIDDY! I came in and told John and he
laughed at me, but boy, have I waited a long time to do that! (Maybe only those of us who have
waited as long as we have to become parents can fully understand why that made me so happy.) It
means I GOT KIDS!!!! :O)
----------
August 14, Saturday
This morning I cooked a dozen eggs for the family. I hate eggs, but they're good for you, so I
had to make 'em for my babies. I put a bit of sausage in them. Liana helped again, and she was
beside herself with happiness. As I was cooking up the eggs, I happened to turn around to see my
little girl drinking out the last bit of slime out of the egg shells that I hadn't thrown away
yet. Grossed Me Out. Completely. I cried for her. It realllllly hit home to me how truly
hungry these kids have been, and how traumatic it must have been for them to not have enough to
eat. It also enraged me that my Aleksa (the "orphanage favorite") was CHUBBY but the rest of the
kids at the orphanage were skin and bones. Why?????? How cruel to feed one child more than the
rest because the workers selfishly loved one child better. Makes me sick. Don't get me wrong,
I'm glad that Aleksa is healthy, but the way she got there is horrifying to me.
Anyway, we bought some souvenires on St. Andrews Incline today. I would have LOVED to have
shopped more, but once we got the kids' shirts (the traditional Ukrainian folk-shirts), and some
other embroidered items and trinkets, we had to go. Three hot kids waiting in the van for us, so
we had to skiddadle (Vica and I were the only ones who got out and shopped.)
Then we went to an outdoor museum with the kids. It is a village set up with historical houses
from all over Ukraine. The kids could run around, etc. Adam was quite the handful today. He
begged for anything he saw.... Ice cream is his favorite thing to beg us for. Kinda drives me
nuts, but we just have to remember what this kid is coming out of.
Next we went to a very western/American style supermarket with a restaurant and McDonalds
Playland type of a play area for the kids. We bought some groceries for the next few days (the
kids are eating us out of house and home!!!) Then the kids played as we ordered our food. It was
a pancake-type place. Excellent. I had strawberry pancakes. The kids ate every bite of theirs
too. Really fun time of watching the kids play, eating at a restaurant all together for the
first time, etc.
The only downers of today were that after we got home, we noticed that Adam had some candy that
we didn't buy for him. He had asked us for it at the grocery store and we didn't buy it for him.
He helped himself. He's also hoarding food in his room. Going to be a while before he fully
trusts that there is always going to be enough food for him. We didn't holler at him or
anything, we just took it away and told him no. We're choosing our battles for now. Another
downer was that Adam had a World Class Temper Tantrum tonight. John dealt with him for over an
hour. It all turned out well, but the girls were scared to death, I was practically in tears,
etc. Par for the course for this part of our adoption/family-making, but it did make me
frightful that we had bitten off more than we could chew a few times.
----------
August 15, Sunday
We had more big meals today. Another dozen eggs this morning, another big lunch and supper.
Seems like I've been in the kitchen the entire time we've been here, but that's ok, I'm teaching
my kids to trust me.
Today we basically stayed home and tried to setting into family life. I know others have said
that we should see as much of Kiev as possible before leaving Ukraine, but I think it was
infinitely more important today to help cement our relationships with each other at "home." I
really hope that will help our plane ride home, at the very least with the older two kids. I
think I've "won" Liana for sure now; she is so much more relaxed and happy than I've ever seen
her. She's beside herself with happiness. She has a Mama and a Papa, and her brother, sister,
plenty of food for her, and there is no doubt that it is setting in that this is going to be "all
ok." Such a relief. I consider our time here in this apartment to be the most sacred time of
our entire lives. It isn't a mansion by any stretch, but what has happened here I will always
look back on with sweet memories. (Ok, minus the memories of the tantrums!) The kids have had a
marked improvement in their behaviors, (ok, minus Aleksa, but we'll deal with her more when we
get home!) ;O)
Speaking of Aleksa, here's a cute story. We've been trying to teach the kids to count, and also to ask for things in English. We've been teaching them to say, "One ---- please, Mama/Papa." So, when John tried to get Aleksa to ask nicely for a banana, John started her off, "One" (and then waited for her to repeat it), and Aleksa replied very sweetly, "Two." So, Papa thought that was too cute, and didn't make her say the rest.
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August 16, Monday
This morning we had our exit interview at the U.S. Embassy. Everything went well, and it was good to be in a room full of Americans. I was surprised how small the room actually was. It was packed. Vica came with us, and the other couple from our orphanage was there too, so our kids played together. Vica told us that their facilitator asked HER to translate their documents for him... Oy. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hop on their airplane home.
We spent the rest of the day having lots of family time. Vica picked John up at 3:00 to go get our passports from the Embassy, but other than that, we stayed in, and I tried to clean and pack. The kids loved vacuuming, so they did that. We got to bed too late, but hopefully everyone will sleep on the plane. I hope!!!
--------------
August 17, Tuesday
One of the worst, longest days of my life. Flying home with three non-English-speaking little kids who are scared, overtired, and HATING seat-belts, was the biggest nightmare ever. Actually, Liana and Adam were fine. Aleksa was aweful. Hitting, screaming, biting, yelling, crying, etc. Most people/stewardesses were sympathetic and kind, but we did have a lady come over to me and tell me she didn't like the way I was relating to my child. Oy. (GO AWAY, LADY). I tried to explain to her that she was scared, and that she had just come out of an orphanage in Ukraine and didn't understand why we weren't speaking her language, etc., but this lady just went on and on about how I should "communicate with her with my heart" and "hold her to my chest," and that she wanted to pick her up herself and "within five minutes she'd be fine etc.) (I almost felt like letting her--- there is NO DOUBT Aleksa would have given her a black eye!!!!) Anyway, I was never so happy to step foot in the Minneapolis airport in my life. I'm sure half of the plane was too!!!
Adam was ecstatic to get to America, and jabbered with anyone who would listen to him about "America, Babushka" etc. Who knows what he was saying, but he was hyper and giddy. He laughed about nothing and everything, and was practically jumping out of his skin with excitement. I've never seen him like that before!!!
Our luggage all made it; everyone was in one piece; the Fishers were there to pick us up, and we made it home safe and sound. It is so good to be home!!!!
-------------
Court today! We ran around this morning doing some last minute paperwork/notarizing before
court. While Vica and John were off doing something and I was waiting in the car, Katya asked me
if we were going to have court, and I said yes. She asked if we were going to leave tomorrow. I
told her we were. I started crying! I'm sure going to miss her! I think it meant a lot to her
that I was so emotional about it. She's my Katya!
Court was a breeze. The other couple from Dallas had their appointment right after us, so we all
waited together. The judge was a woman who was probably in her early forties. She told us our
rights, asked us if we had any objections to the adoption, asked us if we were well informed of
the children's medical conditions, etc. She asked us basic questions like where did we work, our
names, birth dates, address, why we wanted the 30 days waived, what we wanted the court to do for
us (make us parents of the children, change their names and waive the 30 days.) The city
inspector and a representative of the orphanage also had to testify their approval of our
adoption. It was funny, but one of the things the orphanage lady said was that she knew we were
attached to the children because every time anyone saw us with them, we were carrying Zina
around, and it was obvious that we were fond of the others too. As the judge read her verdict/
the decree to us, I cried. Months and years of waiting to finally be a mother and it was finally
here. It's really hard to describe. So much paperwork, so many re-done documents, so much time
researching Ukrainian adoptions, so many hours talking to other families about their Ukrainian
adoption experiences, etc. The waiting, and the waiting, and the waiting, and the waiting. And
it was finally here, and it was finally coming to an end. We are our children's parents. Wow.
After court, we waited in the hall for the final paperwork for a long time. We got our pictures
taken with the Dallas couple and then we made a mad dash to the children's birth village which
seemed like a million miles away. It was in the middle of noplace in particular. I took lots of
pictures of it, but unfortunately, my photo memory card blinked out on us and all the pictures
were lost. Makes me sick to think about. Some of the most precious pictures that we could have
taken are zapped. I could have cried. Anyway, we got the new birth certificates and then headed
to Odessa to do some other odds and ends things. We ate at a Ukrainian sandwich place that is
right near a huge yellow Orthodox church. The sandwiches were made with flour taco shell-type
thingies, only they were fried first. There was chicken inside as well as seasoned french fries
and other things. It was really delicious actually.
By the way, we drove through Moldova! It was only about a 5 mile stretch, but we did! It was
cool that we got to go to another country while we were in Ukraine. Lots of fruit stands with
old babushkas tending them, and lots of goats and cows, and farming fields, and even a man out
with a sickle. Pretty cool.
Anyway, after that we went back to B.D. and went to bed. (We got there late.) It was terrible
that we didn't even get to see the kids on the day we actually became their parents. We both
hoped they wouldn't be too upset that we didn't come see them as usual today.
-------------------------
August 12, 2004 Thursday
Didn't get much sleep last night. I was all nerved up about getting the kids, wondering how they
were going to handle the trip to Kiev and then home. Wondering if we'd be ok parents. Wondering
if we'd bit off too much adopting three kids at once, etc. Lots going through the brain.
We went to Odessa again today to file things, and blah, blah, blah. (Legalization of documents,
etc.) Lots of running here and there, and in between went to a market to buy Liana and Aleksa
some new shoes and quickly found a few more outfits for them and Adam too. I was a nervous wreck
all day wondering how it would be when we take the kids tonight.
We got back to B.D. at about 4:00 and it had been decided that we would ride back to Kiev with
the Dallas couple in a van that we would rent and split the cost of. Much better than the train.
We headed first to the orphanage where we were told that we couldn't take the children until we
spoke to the director. Fine. But, she wouldn't be back for 20 minutes. She was with a Harley
Davidson group that was in town and she was taking them to the orphanage to get a tour of the
place. (Which we didn't even get!) (Well, we kinda did with some of Aleksa's bathroom
emergencies.)
Anyway, we went back to the hotel, packed our stuff, and somewhere in there we realized that our
black folder/binder with all our documents, etc. was nowhere to be found. The Dallas couple was
patiently waiting for us while we tore everything apart looking for it, and finally we found it
when we called the one of the managers and asked if it was seen. She had seen it in the dining
room at lunch time. Sure enough, that's where it was! Whew. I can't even begin to describe
how nervous and Freaked Out I was about everything: packing so quickly, losing the binder, the
heat, the worry over the kids, etc. I got into the van and soon realized that I hadn't said
good-bye to Katya. I started crying and the van stopped and I got out and ran over to Katya's
car (she had some car trouble so she hadn't left the hotel yet). I gave her a big hug, told her
I loved her, and gave her a small bag of some gifts.
We went back to the orphanage to collect the kids and by this time, the Harley Guys were there.
(Boy was that a site to see!) The director was busy showing them around, so she made us wait. (Funny that Harley Guys could get a tour of the place, but we couldn't!) Finally she just let us sign the papers and take the kids. The kids' caregiver spiffed them all up combing their hair and getting them dressed. She then gave Aleksa a small bunny that was
apparently her favorite. I thought that was sooooo sweet. I gave her a hug and then we flew
out. We didn't even have time to give the gifts we had brought for the caregivers. We just
left them in the main office and asked that they would be given.
The van was nice and big, and the driver was the stereotypical Ukrainian old man. Dark hair with
gray, and a looooooong mustache that scared Aleksa half to death at first. She didn't want to go into the van at all because of him, and had to be persuaded.
Finally we were off. Basically, it was the worst and longest night of our lives. The girls took
turns screaming, kicking, pinching, crying, sassing, hitting, etc. Adam also had his turn at
being defiant as he would not sit in his seat (we wanted to stand in the aisle). I firmly made
him sit over and over 'till fnally he did on his own. Aleksa had to go potty several times, and
at first she only wanted her "groupa's potty" and didn't want to go outside. She finally HAD to
go, and after that, she didn't ask for it anymore. Basically, the stress of the last few days
had gotten to us all. I was shot before we ever got into the van at all, but then when the kids
started screaming, I though, "WHAT DID WE DO?????????"
We got to the apartment in Kiev *really* late (like 4:30 am) and then they didn't want to sleep. Aleksa asked to go potty, and you guessed it, she didn't like the potty at the apartment. She wanted to go "na ulitsa" (Outside.) Since we were about 7 stories up with no elevator, and since this was a perfectly good potty, there weren't no way Mama was going to take Aleksa outside. So, I plopped her on the potty anyway, and she screamed her head off. While I was holding her there, she took an enormous bite out of my shoulder. Major bruise, plus some cut skin. Mama was Not a Happy Camper, let me tell you. Liana also had some more fits. I was too exhausted to even think straight. I slept with Aleksa, and John slept with the other two. It's gotta get better than this, right?
----------------
August 13, Friday
We had an appointment at the Oil and Gas Clinic at 9:00ish so we got very little sleep. The kids
were all still holding some major grudges against us for last night's trauma, and so Nobody was
happy, though they didn't throw any more fits at the doctor. The appointment lasted all of about
20 minutes for them all (just measured them, weighed them, asked them a few questions, and then
looked them over a few minutes. That was it.
Then we went to get our plane tickets. Three over-tired kids in a hot van in a strange place
waiting for hours at a time for something they don't understand was Not Fun. But, after going to
AirFrance, British Air and LOT, they finally found a good set of tickets for us for flying out on
Tuesday from Kiev to Amsterdam to Minneapolis. YAY!!!!!!!!
Then we went to the grocery store and picked up a bunch of food for the next few days. It was a
relief to get back to the apartment. Which brings us to the turning point with my relationship
with Liana. Before today, I have felt like she has not trusted me. She has seemed stressed with
me, and it has really made me wonder how to "reach" her. It finally happened today as we put the
groceries away and made supper. Liana VISIBLY relaxed with me and helped me in the kitchen all
evening. I think she finally "got it" that we are going to take good care of her and love her,
and FEED HER. She was practically giddy (not practically; she WAS) that we had so much food in
the refrigerator. She helped me cook supper, etc. It was an eye-opener to me that as I cut open
a canteloupe-type melon and scooped out the seeds, that this little girl asked me if she could
eat them. She gobbled them down like they were the best things she'd ever had.
Just a few comments on food. I don't think I've mentionedd this elsewhere in our blogging, but
the kids at the orphanage are starving not only for attention and love, but for food. They steal
unripened veggies out of the orphanage garden (which isn't anything to write home about in the
first place; nothing can grow there with the kids stealing from it all the time). We caught the
kids several times eating sap from trees, gnawing on the leathery green nut-casings from the
trees, and a few times we caught them eating plants or weeds. The children have no fruit,
protein or dairy in their diets. No juice. No cold water (they have hot tea). When we started
giving them bottled water, they drank it like it was going out of style. They've never been able
to drink it like that at the orphanage.
Anyway, our first supper was the key to starting our family. It isn't like we weren't a family
before tonight, but our first supper around the table was the "clincher" for the children, and
especially Liana as I said. The kids gobbled down every bite, licked their plates and thanked us
over and over again with hugs and kisses. After the kids left the table/kitchen, John came in and
said, "We had our first supper together!!!" and gave me a big hug and kiss. It was probably the
sweetest few hours of my life. Hard to put in words how happy I was to be cooking supper with my
sweet little girl who was calling me "mamachka" (a very affectionate term for mama) for the first
time and doling out hugs and kisses for no reason at all left and right. (Up 'til now I was "
Mama" and occasionally "mamka" when she didn't get her way.) (Mamka is what they call me when
they're mad at me about something or other.)
After supper, I stepped out of the kitchen for a few minutes and when I returned, I found Adam
and Liana doing the dishes!!!!!!!!!!! (Don't think that will last long once they get home, but
we got pictures to prove it did happen!)
At bedtime, we hooked up the laptop and showed them pictures of their new family in America, as
well as some pictures we took of them at the orphanage. They loved it, and it was nice to pile
all three kids in a big bed to look at them.
I should also add that this evening I got another initiation to being an "official mother"... I
stepped on my first Lego tonight! I was practically GIDDY! I came in and told John and he
laughed at me, but boy, have I waited a long time to do that! (Maybe only those of us who have
waited as long as we have to become parents can fully understand why that made me so happy.) It
means I GOT KIDS!!!! :O)
----------
August 14, Saturday
This morning I cooked a dozen eggs for the family. I hate eggs, but they're good for you, so I
had to make 'em for my babies. I put a bit of sausage in them. Liana helped again, and she was
beside herself with happiness. As I was cooking up the eggs, I happened to turn around to see my
little girl drinking out the last bit of slime out of the egg shells that I hadn't thrown away
yet. Grossed Me Out. Completely. I cried for her. It realllllly hit home to me how truly
hungry these kids have been, and how traumatic it must have been for them to not have enough to
eat. It also enraged me that my Aleksa (the "orphanage favorite") was CHUBBY but the rest of the
kids at the orphanage were skin and bones. Why?????? How cruel to feed one child more than the
rest because the workers selfishly loved one child better. Makes me sick. Don't get me wrong,
I'm glad that Aleksa is healthy, but the way she got there is horrifying to me.
Anyway, we bought some souvenires on St. Andrews Incline today. I would have LOVED to have
shopped more, but once we got the kids' shirts (the traditional Ukrainian folk-shirts), and some
other embroidered items and trinkets, we had to go. Three hot kids waiting in the van for us, so
we had to skiddadle (Vica and I were the only ones who got out and shopped.)
Then we went to an outdoor museum with the kids. It is a village set up with historical houses
from all over Ukraine. The kids could run around, etc. Adam was quite the handful today. He
begged for anything he saw.... Ice cream is his favorite thing to beg us for. Kinda drives me
nuts, but we just have to remember what this kid is coming out of.
Next we went to a very western/American style supermarket with a restaurant and McDonalds
Playland type of a play area for the kids. We bought some groceries for the next few days (the
kids are eating us out of house and home!!!) Then the kids played as we ordered our food. It was
a pancake-type place. Excellent. I had strawberry pancakes. The kids ate every bite of theirs
too. Really fun time of watching the kids play, eating at a restaurant all together for the
first time, etc.
The only downers of today were that after we got home, we noticed that Adam had some candy that
we didn't buy for him. He had asked us for it at the grocery store and we didn't buy it for him.
He helped himself. He's also hoarding food in his room. Going to be a while before he fully
trusts that there is always going to be enough food for him. We didn't holler at him or
anything, we just took it away and told him no. We're choosing our battles for now. Another
downer was that Adam had a World Class Temper Tantrum tonight. John dealt with him for over an
hour. It all turned out well, but the girls were scared to death, I was practically in tears,
etc. Par for the course for this part of our adoption/family-making, but it did make me
frightful that we had bitten off more than we could chew a few times.
----------
August 15, Sunday
We had more big meals today. Another dozen eggs this morning, another big lunch and supper.
Seems like I've been in the kitchen the entire time we've been here, but that's ok, I'm teaching
my kids to trust me.
Today we basically stayed home and tried to setting into family life. I know others have said
that we should see as much of Kiev as possible before leaving Ukraine, but I think it was
infinitely more important today to help cement our relationships with each other at "home." I
really hope that will help our plane ride home, at the very least with the older two kids. I
think I've "won" Liana for sure now; she is so much more relaxed and happy than I've ever seen
her. She's beside herself with happiness. She has a Mama and a Papa, and her brother, sister,
plenty of food for her, and there is no doubt that it is setting in that this is going to be "all
ok." Such a relief. I consider our time here in this apartment to be the most sacred time of
our entire lives. It isn't a mansion by any stretch, but what has happened here I will always
look back on with sweet memories. (Ok, minus the memories of the tantrums!) The kids have had a
marked improvement in their behaviors, (ok, minus Aleksa, but we'll deal with her more when we
get home!) ;O)
Speaking of Aleksa, here's a cute story. We've been trying to teach the kids to count, and also to ask for things in English. We've been teaching them to say, "One ---- please, Mama/Papa." So, when John tried to get Aleksa to ask nicely for a banana, John started her off, "One" (and then waited for her to repeat it), and Aleksa replied very sweetly, "Two." So, Papa thought that was too cute, and didn't make her say the rest.
------------
August 16, Monday
This morning we had our exit interview at the U.S. Embassy. Everything went well, and it was good to be in a room full of Americans. I was surprised how small the room actually was. It was packed. Vica came with us, and the other couple from our orphanage was there too, so our kids played together. Vica told us that their facilitator asked HER to translate their documents for him... Oy. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hop on their airplane home.
We spent the rest of the day having lots of family time. Vica picked John up at 3:00 to go get our passports from the Embassy, but other than that, we stayed in, and I tried to clean and pack. The kids loved vacuuming, so they did that. We got to bed too late, but hopefully everyone will sleep on the plane. I hope!!!
--------------
August 17, Tuesday
One of the worst, longest days of my life. Flying home with three non-English-speaking little kids who are scared, overtired, and HATING seat-belts, was the biggest nightmare ever. Actually, Liana and Adam were fine. Aleksa was aweful. Hitting, screaming, biting, yelling, crying, etc. Most people/stewardesses were sympathetic and kind, but we did have a lady come over to me and tell me she didn't like the way I was relating to my child. Oy. (GO AWAY, LADY). I tried to explain to her that she was scared, and that she had just come out of an orphanage in Ukraine and didn't understand why we weren't speaking her language, etc., but this lady just went on and on about how I should "communicate with her with my heart" and "hold her to my chest," and that she wanted to pick her up herself and "within five minutes she'd be fine etc.) (I almost felt like letting her--- there is NO DOUBT Aleksa would have given her a black eye!!!!) Anyway, I was never so happy to step foot in the Minneapolis airport in my life. I'm sure half of the plane was too!!!
Adam was ecstatic to get to America, and jabbered with anyone who would listen to him about "America, Babushka" etc. Who knows what he was saying, but he was hyper and giddy. He laughed about nothing and everything, and was practically jumping out of his skin with excitement. I've never seen him like that before!!!
Our luggage all made it; everyone was in one piece; the Fishers were there to pick us up, and we made it home safe and sound. It is so good to be home!!!!
-------------
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
We're HOME!!!
Well, WE DID IT!!!! I wouldn't want to wish our flight home on anyone, but we lived through it. We almost didn't make the initial flight at all - our original court decree was packed in our checked luggage and all we had copies with us (we accidentally switched the contents of our two envelopes at the Embassy the day before, so our envelope marked "Originals" had copies in it. We were still duking it out with customs (or whoever it was) five minutes after the plane should have taken off. I was tired, stressed, the kids were tired and stressed, and they almost wouldn't let us go, and yet our original paperwork was on the plane in our luggage ready to fly to America without us. *Gulp*. Finally they just waived us through and we made a mad dash to the plane. I was in tears I was so stressed. Very soon after we got on the plane Aleksa was in tears. (That's a nice way to put it. She screamed almost all the way home).
Just wanted to write a quick "WE'RE HOME" message for everyone, but we'll fill everyone in with all the rest of the story later on. Today, we are enjoying our first day home as a family. Kids are running around, the girls are putting tons and tons of hair clips in, trying on their clothes, etc. and Adam is having fun playing with some of his new toys and crafty things. Uncle Jerry and Aunt Maxine left bags of art supplies for them, and they LOVE them sooooo much. They have been playing and playing this morning. Such a wonderful day! So, you see why I don't want to sit at my computer... I might miss something!!!! :O)
Love,
Shelly
Just wanted to write a quick "WE'RE HOME" message for everyone, but we'll fill everyone in with all the rest of the story later on. Today, we are enjoying our first day home as a family. Kids are running around, the girls are putting tons and tons of hair clips in, trying on their clothes, etc. and Adam is having fun playing with some of his new toys and crafty things. Uncle Jerry and Aunt Maxine left bags of art supplies for them, and they LOVE them sooooo much. They have been playing and playing this morning. Such a wonderful day! So, you see why I don't want to sit at my computer... I might miss something!!!! :O)
Love,
Shelly
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Aleksa's Birthday
August 10, 2004 Tuesday
Lots of ups and downs today. This morning Katya took us to the market shopping. We quickly realized how fortunate we were to have her around, as we had to go to several places trying to find the sizes we needed for the kids. We just bought one outfit each for them for now - it was hard enough to find these. Not a whole lot of things that aren't foo-foo pretty or nasty ugly. We were shown one outfit that said, "I love country music" on it for one of the girls, which we had to pass on. They must have just figured since there was English writing on it, that we would automatically love it. Nyet.
Anyway, we got our stuff, and then went to the orphanage. We had bought some popsicles for Aleksa's birthday, so we needed to find the kids quickly today. The girls I easily found together in their groupa, but Adam was missing for a long time. When John finally found him, he came outside for about a minute and said he didn't want to be there, and went back inside. One of the caregivers was calling him in anyway, so we thought maybe he needed to be somewhere with her. ?. So, his popsicle melted. *sigh*
We started to really wonder what was up, so John went inside to see if he could find him again. We couldn't give the girls their clothes without also giving Adam his, so we had to try to keep that secret... which was HARD!
Adam came back out and he was a grump, which kinda bugged me. We have no idea what his problem was. BUT, as soon as we started pulling out all the new clothes, everyone was Giddy Excited. Liana especially about jumped out of her skin she was so happy. She pet her new clothes, and practically stripped down right there on the sidewalk. When she saw her pretty new panties, she grabbed them and ran around to the other side of the building, but thankfully she quickly changed her mind and decided to just hold them til later. ;O) She shook she was so excited. I so wish I had her reaction on video. *sigh* She even thought the tags were pretty.
Adam ran inside with his clothes to get dressed. He even had a cap... which he's been asking us for for the last few days. He looks very handsome, I must say.
Then the kids had to run around and show off. Aleksa and I wanted to see where the other two went, so we walked around the grounds trying to find them. As we did so, she kept telling everyone, "I'm beautiful! I'm beautiful!" So, I guess she got to show off too.
Once Adam came back from showing himself off, he wanted his snacks. Unfortunately, we quickly realized that Aleksa had eaten all of his "bubliky" (snacks which look like thick round pretzels, but taste like a cross between an animal cracker and a Chinese fortune cookie). He was Not Happy and wouldn't be reasoned with that he could get some later. Basically, he's a typical 9-yr-old boy with little sisters. We took him and the other girls over to show Tyotya Katya their new duds. She had been waiting to take us back to the hotel, so she had a little talk with grumpy Adam. Then, Aleksa started howling about something or other, so Katya asked her what was the matter and she told her that she had to go potty. "This is going to be interesting," I thought, because Katya took her by the hand and led her to the Nasty Potty. John and I stood there in awe wondering if Aleksa was actually going to go in. Nope. She wouldn't. So, Katya walked around the side of the "shed" where she dropped Aleksa's drawers, squatted down, put Aleksa's armpits over her arms to hold her up, and then she held Aleksa's legs up to let Aleksa tinkle right there in the dirt. I haven't laughed so hard in a loooooong time. Aleksa is going to hate me for the pictures I took of her, but what are Mama's for, right? (Sorry, ya'll, Papa said I can't post those either.) *sigh*
We got The Most Wonderful News tonight! Vica is on her way down here from Kiev, and we have a court date of: (ready?) TOMORROW MORNING!!! We'll officially be Adam, Liana and Aleksa's parents tomorrow whenever the judge signs his/her name to our decree. Our appointment is at 9:00a.m.
We will then be off like a bullet to get the kids' birth certificates changed, and then everything filed away in Odessa, and then we'll take the train back to Kiev, so you might not hear from us again until we hit Kiev, or possibly not til we get home. We might be home as early as Monday if all goes well and we can get our Embassy interview and tickets... (Czech Air only has flights out of Kiev on Mondays, so pray that our timing works out well for that to happen.) Hopefully we can get it all worked out quickly. It's peak season and finding "three extra seats" isn't always easy, especially because of course we'll want to sit together. We have our phone, so you can always call us, and I'm sure that if somebody does call us, that they'll post a comment on our blog for everyone. (The reason you might not hear from us 'til we get home is, we'll have three little kids to lug around Kiev once we get there. No more freedom to just up and go to the internet cafes there. We'll be official parents by then you know!)
Love,
Shelly
PS, the website address for the clinic we're staying at is "www.christianclinic.org" and not "christianclinic.vurtualave.net" like their brochure says.
Aleksa's fourth birthday
New clothes!
Adam's new clothes
P.P.S. Aleksa and Liana don't really like things on their heads, they think it's too hot. But Adam loves his new hat!
Lots of ups and downs today. This morning Katya took us to the market shopping. We quickly realized how fortunate we were to have her around, as we had to go to several places trying to find the sizes we needed for the kids. We just bought one outfit each for them for now - it was hard enough to find these. Not a whole lot of things that aren't foo-foo pretty or nasty ugly. We were shown one outfit that said, "I love country music" on it for one of the girls, which we had to pass on. They must have just figured since there was English writing on it, that we would automatically love it. Nyet.
Anyway, we got our stuff, and then went to the orphanage. We had bought some popsicles for Aleksa's birthday, so we needed to find the kids quickly today. The girls I easily found together in their groupa, but Adam was missing for a long time. When John finally found him, he came outside for about a minute and said he didn't want to be there, and went back inside. One of the caregivers was calling him in anyway, so we thought maybe he needed to be somewhere with her. ?. So, his popsicle melted. *sigh*
We started to really wonder what was up, so John went inside to see if he could find him again. We couldn't give the girls their clothes without also giving Adam his, so we had to try to keep that secret... which was HARD!
Adam came back out and he was a grump, which kinda bugged me. We have no idea what his problem was. BUT, as soon as we started pulling out all the new clothes, everyone was Giddy Excited. Liana especially about jumped out of her skin she was so happy. She pet her new clothes, and practically stripped down right there on the sidewalk. When she saw her pretty new panties, she grabbed them and ran around to the other side of the building, but thankfully she quickly changed her mind and decided to just hold them til later. ;O) She shook she was so excited. I so wish I had her reaction on video. *sigh* She even thought the tags were pretty.
Adam ran inside with his clothes to get dressed. He even had a cap... which he's been asking us for for the last few days. He looks very handsome, I must say.
Then the kids had to run around and show off. Aleksa and I wanted to see where the other two went, so we walked around the grounds trying to find them. As we did so, she kept telling everyone, "I'm beautiful! I'm beautiful!" So, I guess she got to show off too.
Once Adam came back from showing himself off, he wanted his snacks. Unfortunately, we quickly realized that Aleksa had eaten all of his "bubliky" (snacks which look like thick round pretzels, but taste like a cross between an animal cracker and a Chinese fortune cookie). He was Not Happy and wouldn't be reasoned with that he could get some later. Basically, he's a typical 9-yr-old boy with little sisters. We took him and the other girls over to show Tyotya Katya their new duds. She had been waiting to take us back to the hotel, so she had a little talk with grumpy Adam. Then, Aleksa started howling about something or other, so Katya asked her what was the matter and she told her that she had to go potty. "This is going to be interesting," I thought, because Katya took her by the hand and led her to the Nasty Potty. John and I stood there in awe wondering if Aleksa was actually going to go in. Nope. She wouldn't. So, Katya walked around the side of the "shed" where she dropped Aleksa's drawers, squatted down, put Aleksa's armpits over her arms to hold her up, and then she held Aleksa's legs up to let Aleksa tinkle right there in the dirt. I haven't laughed so hard in a loooooong time. Aleksa is going to hate me for the pictures I took of her, but what are Mama's for, right? (Sorry, ya'll, Papa said I can't post those either.) *sigh*
We got The Most Wonderful News tonight! Vica is on her way down here from Kiev, and we have a court date of: (ready?) TOMORROW MORNING!!! We'll officially be Adam, Liana and Aleksa's parents tomorrow whenever the judge signs his/her name to our decree. Our appointment is at 9:00a.m.
We will then be off like a bullet to get the kids' birth certificates changed, and then everything filed away in Odessa, and then we'll take the train back to Kiev, so you might not hear from us again until we hit Kiev, or possibly not til we get home. We might be home as early as Monday if all goes well and we can get our Embassy interview and tickets... (Czech Air only has flights out of Kiev on Mondays, so pray that our timing works out well for that to happen.) Hopefully we can get it all worked out quickly. It's peak season and finding "three extra seats" isn't always easy, especially because of course we'll want to sit together. We have our phone, so you can always call us, and I'm sure that if somebody does call us, that they'll post a comment on our blog for everyone. (The reason you might not hear from us 'til we get home is, we'll have three little kids to lug around Kiev once we get there. No more freedom to just up and go to the internet cafes there. We'll be official parents by then you know!)
Love,
Shelly
PS, the website address for the clinic we're staying at is "www.christianclinic.org" and not "christianclinic.vurtualave.net" like their brochure says.
Aleksa's fourth birthday
New clothes!
Adam's new clothes
P.P.S. Aleksa and Liana don't really like things on their heads, they think it's too hot. But Adam loves his new hat!
Monday, August 09, 2004
Sponsorship and stuff
August 9, 2004 Monday
Before I launch into my post and tell about our day, I want to answer a few questions that some of you have asked. John and I write our blog entries on the laptop in our room and then pop the disk into the computer at the hotel so that we don't waste internet time; we pay by the hour here. So, by the time we read the comments and our email, we've already composed the day's blog entry and we have to try to remember to respond to your questions the next day. And since our minds are Mush right now, well, we've undoubtedly forgotten to respond to some of you.
A few days ago, someone asked about the clinic having a PayPal account. Not sure. We haven't seen anyone named Troy here though. A man named Sergei runs the place right now, though a lady named Svetlana introduced herself to us today as the director of the clinic. I can give you the address, email and website addy though so you can ask them directly; (They speak English quite well, so that's not a problem). Here goes:
Christian Clinic
Belgorod-Dnestrovsky
Odessa Region
Molodyozhnaya St. 69
Ukraine 67700
clinic@tm.odessa.ua
http://christianclinic.virtualave.net
Next, in the last few days we've been asked by a few different people both in private emails and on our blog about sponsorship for the children. If you go to the "Adoption" tab on our website, and then hit the "Ukraine" page, there is a link to "Adopt an Angel." This is a sponsorship program for some of the poorest, most "unadoptable" children in Ukraine. Our facilitator runs this charity, and I would highly recommend this organization. It was really neat to hear him share his heart with us about this organization as he drove us down here to B-D. He is very proud of it, and has a big heart for these children. (Dmitri Pugach is his name). You choose a child off of the website to sponsor and every month you send/wire some support money, and as often as possible send a package of things like shoes (believe me, they all need them), clothing, school supplies, nice toys, etc. Each child listed on the site has a wish list to give you an idea of what they are interested in. The children will receive translations of any letters you include, and YOU will also receive letters and photos of the children receiving their packages via Adopt an Angel's website. It is expensive to send packages directly to Ukraine, but many people send their packages to Life to Orphans which is in the state of Washington, (their link is also on our website), and they will ship it to Ukraine for you.
Speaking of Life to Orphans, they too are an excellent charity. I'm not as familiar with the process with this charity, but I know of many people who use it and speak well of it. The lady who runs this organization is part of our adoption group. This charity is more for sending packages to individual orphanages and not individual children. I would recommend this charity if you are unwilling to commit to a monthly support and want to send a one time gift.
-----------------
It got a bit hairy with Aleksa again today. She has a will of iron that is going to be tough to break I'm afraid. She likes to hit anyone *hard* if they "cross" her. Mama crosses her often it seems, and Mama has gotten smacked in the head more than a few times. Mama has had to be VERY firm with her, and though she didn't like to be corrected, she has definitely needed to know where the line is. I was worried that she'd hold a grudge all afternoon, but when we came again this evening, she ran to me like I was the cat's meow. (Speaking of cats, one of the orphanage cats has kittens! They are adorable.)
Katya said she'd take us shopping tomorrow for some clothes tomorrow. Our Kwik Point cards are coming in handy with her, and between our body language, our baby-talk Russian, our dictionary and our Kwik Point cards, we can pretty much tell her whatever we want. I hate to keep bugging her to take us shopping, etc., but whaddaya do? We had hoped to shop for clothes when Vica came back, but obviously it is taking longer than we thought. This afternoon Katya took us shopping for more fruit for the kids. It is Katya's and Aleksa's birthdays tomorrow, so I hope it is a special day for everyone.
-----
Vica called us tonight from Kiev and she said that the director wasn't in today, and that the deputy wasn't signing anything right now as the "prosecutors" are still there. (Vica pronounces it "persecutors," which John and I think is a riot.) Vica didn't know what the prosecutors were doing there, but she was hopeful that tomorrow was The Day for us. She said there were a lot of facilitators there hoping for their docs to be signed. There is another couple at our orphanage who have heard the exact story that Vica is telling us, so it's nice to hear the same thing from two directions.
Aleksa had to go potty again tonight. *grumble, grumble* We wandered all over the orphanage and the bathrooms/groupa rooms were all locked up while the kids were outside. That left the outside toilet again. (I really wish y'all could see how horrible this bathroom is, but John says I shouldn't post the picture of it, so you'll have to use your imaginations). Anyway, Aleksa started screaming as we got closer to the bathroom, and clung to my for dear life as I opened the door. (Yes, I knocked first). About now I was thinking, "I don't blame you, Aleksa, there is No Way Mama would go tinkle in here either." She absolutely would not let me put her down, (and truthfully, I only tried half-heartedly to make her), so out we went into the courtyard, where she bee-lined to her bush and squatted again. What on EARTH do I do about this??????? She can't be learning to go potty outside all the time, but I can't hardly blame her for not wanting anything to do with the Nasty Potty. Any advice from you Old Pros out there would be really helpful.
Things went really well with the other two tonight, so I guess all in all, this was a good day inspite of the bathroom emergencies.
Love,
Shelly
Aleksa on some steps
The Fisher children playing
Before I launch into my post and tell about our day, I want to answer a few questions that some of you have asked. John and I write our blog entries on the laptop in our room and then pop the disk into the computer at the hotel so that we don't waste internet time; we pay by the hour here. So, by the time we read the comments and our email, we've already composed the day's blog entry and we have to try to remember to respond to your questions the next day. And since our minds are Mush right now, well, we've undoubtedly forgotten to respond to some of you.
A few days ago, someone asked about the clinic having a PayPal account. Not sure. We haven't seen anyone named Troy here though. A man named Sergei runs the place right now, though a lady named Svetlana introduced herself to us today as the director of the clinic. I can give you the address, email and website addy though so you can ask them directly; (They speak English quite well, so that's not a problem). Here goes:
Christian Clinic
Belgorod-Dnestrovsky
Odessa Region
Molodyozhnaya St. 69
Ukraine 67700
clinic@tm.odessa.ua
http://christianclinic.virtualave.net
Next, in the last few days we've been asked by a few different people both in private emails and on our blog about sponsorship for the children. If you go to the "Adoption" tab on our website, and then hit the "Ukraine" page, there is a link to "Adopt an Angel." This is a sponsorship program for some of the poorest, most "unadoptable" children in Ukraine. Our facilitator runs this charity, and I would highly recommend this organization. It was really neat to hear him share his heart with us about this organization as he drove us down here to B-D. He is very proud of it, and has a big heart for these children. (Dmitri Pugach is his name). You choose a child off of the website to sponsor and every month you send/wire some support money, and as often as possible send a package of things like shoes (believe me, they all need them), clothing, school supplies, nice toys, etc. Each child listed on the site has a wish list to give you an idea of what they are interested in. The children will receive translations of any letters you include, and YOU will also receive letters and photos of the children receiving their packages via Adopt an Angel's website. It is expensive to send packages directly to Ukraine, but many people send their packages to Life to Orphans which is in the state of Washington, (their link is also on our website), and they will ship it to Ukraine for you.
Speaking of Life to Orphans, they too are an excellent charity. I'm not as familiar with the process with this charity, but I know of many people who use it and speak well of it. The lady who runs this organization is part of our adoption group. This charity is more for sending packages to individual orphanages and not individual children. I would recommend this charity if you are unwilling to commit to a monthly support and want to send a one time gift.
-----------------
It got a bit hairy with Aleksa again today. She has a will of iron that is going to be tough to break I'm afraid. She likes to hit anyone *hard* if they "cross" her. Mama crosses her often it seems, and Mama has gotten smacked in the head more than a few times. Mama has had to be VERY firm with her, and though she didn't like to be corrected, she has definitely needed to know where the line is. I was worried that she'd hold a grudge all afternoon, but when we came again this evening, she ran to me like I was the cat's meow. (Speaking of cats, one of the orphanage cats has kittens! They are adorable.)
Katya said she'd take us shopping tomorrow for some clothes tomorrow. Our Kwik Point cards are coming in handy with her, and between our body language, our baby-talk Russian, our dictionary and our Kwik Point cards, we can pretty much tell her whatever we want. I hate to keep bugging her to take us shopping, etc., but whaddaya do? We had hoped to shop for clothes when Vica came back, but obviously it is taking longer than we thought. This afternoon Katya took us shopping for more fruit for the kids. It is Katya's and Aleksa's birthdays tomorrow, so I hope it is a special day for everyone.
-----
Vica called us tonight from Kiev and she said that the director wasn't in today, and that the deputy wasn't signing anything right now as the "prosecutors" are still there. (Vica pronounces it "persecutors," which John and I think is a riot.) Vica didn't know what the prosecutors were doing there, but she was hopeful that tomorrow was The Day for us. She said there were a lot of facilitators there hoping for their docs to be signed. There is another couple at our orphanage who have heard the exact story that Vica is telling us, so it's nice to hear the same thing from two directions.
Aleksa had to go potty again tonight. *grumble, grumble* We wandered all over the orphanage and the bathrooms/groupa rooms were all locked up while the kids were outside. That left the outside toilet again. (I really wish y'all could see how horrible this bathroom is, but John says I shouldn't post the picture of it, so you'll have to use your imaginations). Anyway, Aleksa started screaming as we got closer to the bathroom, and clung to my for dear life as I opened the door. (Yes, I knocked first). About now I was thinking, "I don't blame you, Aleksa, there is No Way Mama would go tinkle in here either." She absolutely would not let me put her down, (and truthfully, I only tried half-heartedly to make her), so out we went into the courtyard, where she bee-lined to her bush and squatted again. What on EARTH do I do about this??????? She can't be learning to go potty outside all the time, but I can't hardly blame her for not wanting anything to do with the Nasty Potty. Any advice from you Old Pros out there would be really helpful.
Things went really well with the other two tonight, so I guess all in all, this was a good day inspite of the bathroom emergencies.
Love,
Shelly
Aleksa on some steps
The Fisher children playing
Kid news and Aleka's adventure
August 8, 2004 Sunday
We called Vica this morning (it's pronounced "VEE-ka," not "VICK-a" btw). She said that there have been prosecutors at the NAC this past week that have been slowing things down a bit. She also said there is a "new rule" at the NAC that the paperwork has to be submitted for three days before they can be picked up again. *sigh* She hopes to be back tomorrow night, but if not then, then for sure Wed. night. I'm actually pretty thankful for the time that we've had "just us" and the kids. I was afraid they would start getting attached to Vika instead of us... She speaks their language to them afterall! It has been a really good time of bonding with the kids the best we can on our own. Since there are three of them, these extra days of delay have not been "wasted" at all... just giving us more time to incubate our relationships better before taking them out of the orphanage. I had never considered that before (as in before we traveled.) I just figured the faster it went, the better things would be. I don't think that is necessarily true in our case. It might have been extra traumatic for them if we hadn't been able to get to know them as well as we have and then taken them out. It will be hard enough already, but I don't think it will be as hard as it would have been.
This morning we attended the church service that is held on our floor every Sunday. It was really interesting, and the pastor's wife interpreted for us. We sat outside the room in the hall because our taxi was due to pick us up at 11, and we didn't want to be disruptive. It was fun to hear the singing in Russian. Very pretty.
We found the children right away this morning. They were all three together already, so they weren't hard to find. We gave them each a Zone bar and an orange. We have lots of Zone bars that we've hesitated giving to the children as we don't want them thinking that we're going to give them "treats" all the time. (Even though they are full of vitamins and protein, they are in the form of a chocolate bar, so we don't want them to get the wrong idea.)
Aleksa seemed to be feeling better today than she did yesterday. She was her usual self again at least.
Liana is opening up a little better to me, and makes more and more eye contact with me every day. She's still my toughest cookie though. (Though I'm a hundred percent sure that once Aleksa gets home she's going to be the biggest handful).
Adam didn't want to say, "orange please, Mama" so I didn't give it to him until he said it. He's *really* good at sulking, and I'm sure he has used this talent many times to his benefit in the past. He did finally bring himself to say it, though, and gobbled it down.
I have no idea why, but it is really hard for me to call the children by their American names right now. John only uses their new names, and I always use their birth names. Not sure why. Maybe because I feel like this is still their turf where everyone is still speaking their language, so I feel strange using their "new" names on them yet. There are so many changes coming down the pike for them, I guess I'm just wanting to spare them as much trauma as possible. I'm glad John is using their new names though. They're definitely getting used to hearing them.
We showed the children the pictures of the Reynolds kids today. Adam knew the girls immediately, and was really excited that we had pics of them, and that they were in America too. Liana didn't seem quite seem like she recognized them, but Adam seemed to think that she should. I don't think she really understood what we were saying to her. "These kids are in America where YOU are going to live."
Tonight was Very Interesting. Aleksa had to go potty again, and she dragged me up to her groupa's bathroom, but the door to her groupa was locked. She wasn't a happy girl. Her only option then was the Nasty Squat Pot outside. She didn't want to do that. (Don't blame her.) After dancing around for about 15 minutes, she finally had to go so bad that she took me by the hand and went over to the Squat Pot door. (Really musta been an emergency!) I opened the door, and Horror of Horrors, a man's voice started shouting at us. Thankfully he was around the corner and we couldn't see anything, but Aleksa and I about had a heart attack. She jumped/shivered with surprise and we slammed the door. She didn't ask to go back, but the next thing I knew, Aleksa was squatting behind a bush in the garden. Mama didn't blame her, and never said a word.
Major breakthroughs with Liana tonight. She help me corral Aleksa more than a few times, and scolded her for not obeying me. She was very affectionate to me, and again, her eye contact was fabulous. (Eye contact is something that those of us who adopt are kinda paranoid about. A lack of eye contact can be a signal for potential attachment problems.) She hates going back to her groupa every day, but we try to make her know that we don't want her to go back either. She's really blossomed since we first saw her.
Adam had the same argument with John tonight that Liana had with us a few days ago. "I'm you're Papa." "Nyet." "Yes, I am. I love you." "Nyet." Over and over and over again. I'm glad he's going through this right now rather than on an airplane, that's all I can say. I'm sure John will blog about this more, so I'll keep it short.
Tonight we had supper with one of the other American couples here. The one who is using the agency/facilitator that they hate. Apparently their facilitator has only done 8 adoptions in the last three years, lives in Lviv (!?), and only does adoption work while he is on vacation (hence the time at the resort, I assume). They are reallllllly upset by their circumstances and they have asked us for our facilitator/interpretor's numbers in case they want to hit the panic button. They told us that their agency back home told them to only put together one dossier, (which is ok unless the children are in different orphanages), but because of what they learned from other sources, they decided to go ahead and do a second dossier just in case. Good thing they did that, because once they got to Kiev they were told their original dossier had four documents that needed to be redone. They would have spent an extra who-knows-how-long in Kiev before they could do anything. Nightmare. But, their two children are beautiful, smart and healthy, so it will all *hopefully* soon be forgotten and chalked up to a painful labor after everything is said and done. We're really rooting for them. This is off the topic, but I have to add that this restaurant we went to was super nice, but for napkins, they gave us toilet-paper. I Kid You Not. It was pretty interesting.
That's the story for today!
Love, Shelly
Liana and Mama
Aleksa emerging from The Bush
We called Vica this morning (it's pronounced "VEE-ka," not "VICK-a" btw). She said that there have been prosecutors at the NAC this past week that have been slowing things down a bit. She also said there is a "new rule" at the NAC that the paperwork has to be submitted for three days before they can be picked up again. *sigh* She hopes to be back tomorrow night, but if not then, then for sure Wed. night. I'm actually pretty thankful for the time that we've had "just us" and the kids. I was afraid they would start getting attached to Vika instead of us... She speaks their language to them afterall! It has been a really good time of bonding with the kids the best we can on our own. Since there are three of them, these extra days of delay have not been "wasted" at all... just giving us more time to incubate our relationships better before taking them out of the orphanage. I had never considered that before (as in before we traveled.) I just figured the faster it went, the better things would be. I don't think that is necessarily true in our case. It might have been extra traumatic for them if we hadn't been able to get to know them as well as we have and then taken them out. It will be hard enough already, but I don't think it will be as hard as it would have been.
This morning we attended the church service that is held on our floor every Sunday. It was really interesting, and the pastor's wife interpreted for us. We sat outside the room in the hall because our taxi was due to pick us up at 11, and we didn't want to be disruptive. It was fun to hear the singing in Russian. Very pretty.
We found the children right away this morning. They were all three together already, so they weren't hard to find. We gave them each a Zone bar and an orange. We have lots of Zone bars that we've hesitated giving to the children as we don't want them thinking that we're going to give them "treats" all the time. (Even though they are full of vitamins and protein, they are in the form of a chocolate bar, so we don't want them to get the wrong idea.)
Aleksa seemed to be feeling better today than she did yesterday. She was her usual self again at least.
Liana is opening up a little better to me, and makes more and more eye contact with me every day. She's still my toughest cookie though. (Though I'm a hundred percent sure that once Aleksa gets home she's going to be the biggest handful).
Adam didn't want to say, "orange please, Mama" so I didn't give it to him until he said it. He's *really* good at sulking, and I'm sure he has used this talent many times to his benefit in the past. He did finally bring himself to say it, though, and gobbled it down.
I have no idea why, but it is really hard for me to call the children by their American names right now. John only uses their new names, and I always use their birth names. Not sure why. Maybe because I feel like this is still their turf where everyone is still speaking their language, so I feel strange using their "new" names on them yet. There are so many changes coming down the pike for them, I guess I'm just wanting to spare them as much trauma as possible. I'm glad John is using their new names though. They're definitely getting used to hearing them.
We showed the children the pictures of the Reynolds kids today. Adam knew the girls immediately, and was really excited that we had pics of them, and that they were in America too. Liana didn't seem quite seem like she recognized them, but Adam seemed to think that she should. I don't think she really understood what we were saying to her. "These kids are in America where YOU are going to live."
Tonight was Very Interesting. Aleksa had to go potty again, and she dragged me up to her groupa's bathroom, but the door to her groupa was locked. She wasn't a happy girl. Her only option then was the Nasty Squat Pot outside. She didn't want to do that. (Don't blame her.) After dancing around for about 15 minutes, she finally had to go so bad that she took me by the hand and went over to the Squat Pot door. (Really musta been an emergency!) I opened the door, and Horror of Horrors, a man's voice started shouting at us. Thankfully he was around the corner and we couldn't see anything, but Aleksa and I about had a heart attack. She jumped/shivered with surprise and we slammed the door. She didn't ask to go back, but the next thing I knew, Aleksa was squatting behind a bush in the garden. Mama didn't blame her, and never said a word.
Major breakthroughs with Liana tonight. She help me corral Aleksa more than a few times, and scolded her for not obeying me. She was very affectionate to me, and again, her eye contact was fabulous. (Eye contact is something that those of us who adopt are kinda paranoid about. A lack of eye contact can be a signal for potential attachment problems.) She hates going back to her groupa every day, but we try to make her know that we don't want her to go back either. She's really blossomed since we first saw her.
Adam had the same argument with John tonight that Liana had with us a few days ago. "I'm you're Papa." "Nyet." "Yes, I am. I love you." "Nyet." Over and over and over again. I'm glad he's going through this right now rather than on an airplane, that's all I can say. I'm sure John will blog about this more, so I'll keep it short.
Tonight we had supper with one of the other American couples here. The one who is using the agency/facilitator that they hate. Apparently their facilitator has only done 8 adoptions in the last three years, lives in Lviv (!?), and only does adoption work while he is on vacation (hence the time at the resort, I assume). They are reallllllly upset by their circumstances and they have asked us for our facilitator/interpretor's numbers in case they want to hit the panic button. They told us that their agency back home told them to only put together one dossier, (which is ok unless the children are in different orphanages), but because of what they learned from other sources, they decided to go ahead and do a second dossier just in case. Good thing they did that, because once they got to Kiev they were told their original dossier had four documents that needed to be redone. They would have spent an extra who-knows-how-long in Kiev before they could do anything. Nightmare. But, their two children are beautiful, smart and healthy, so it will all *hopefully* soon be forgotten and chalked up to a painful labor after everything is said and done. We're really rooting for them. This is off the topic, but I have to add that this restaurant we went to was super nice, but for napkins, they gave us toilet-paper. I Kid You Not. It was pretty interesting.
That's the story for today!
Love, Shelly
Liana and Mama
Aleksa emerging from The Bush
Saturday, August 07, 2004
More kid news
August 7, 2004 Saturday
Many have mentioned that we are "rescuing" our children. While I suppose to a point this is the case, I do want to add that we ourselves are also being rescued. At least I think so! It is a different kind of rescuing of course. John and I have plenty o' food back home, and enough clothing to be able to change them every day, and family who loves us, etc. But, these children are rescuing us from a lot of things too:
1.) Empty Lap Syndrome. Any couple longing for children feels the emptiness in their arms and laps very, very acutely. When they see other moms rocking their babies, there is a piercing pain that jabs through their hearts. "When will it be our turn?" they wonder. And even if they have waited as long as JOhn and I did, the pain never lessens. My lap and arms are full and overflowing now! When one of them wants down to play, there is another to jump right in. A child in the lap is a bandaid for the soul in many ways. How very blessed am I!
2.) They have rescued us from our Silent House. I was never so happy to tell our Empty House good-bye when we left. (Yes, I actually did say "good bye" to it... out loud even!) Some of you out there with many screaming kids might wish for a quiet home once in a while, but I have come to really hate ours. It means we're there all alone - still. I hate walking by bedrooms unoccupied by the little ones that were "supposed" to be there so long ago. Now not just ONE of our extra bedrooms will be full, but BOTH of them will be. How wonderful is THAT? My house will be full of love and laughter and singing and talking and playing for a long time now, and I can't wait to hear how "not quiet" my house will be when we get home. You will never ever hear me complain about the noise in my house. Ever.
3.) Our children have rescued us from always having to be grown-ups. We can now have tea-parties, climb jungle gyms, play tag, make kites, draw in color books, sing silly songs, play dress-up, kick balls, etc., etc. CAN'T WAIT!!!!
4.) Our children have rescued us from dressers and walls with nobody's pictures on them. I LOVE taking pictures (if you can't tell that by now....) and it really stinks that I take pictures for other peoples' children all the time, and yet there is no one on my own walls at home. I can't wait to plaster every empty surface in my house with sweet pictures of my babies. *bliss*
Ok, enough for now. I think you get the idea. The point is, though, that this rescuing business DEFINITELY goes both ways...
-------------------
Today before going to the orphanage, we stopped by a toy store. Wow, was it FULL! I wish I had brought my camera in there. Oh well! We bought three balls and some other misc. toys to keep us busy on our visits with the children. Yesterday, Adam asked me to buy him a ball, so I couldn't wait to give it to him today. It is a really nice soccer ball. The two little girls got regular plastic balls like you get at the grocery store.
We got to the orphanage at 10:15. Well, apparently their Saturday schedule is different than the rest of the week or something, because they didn't come outside until 11:00. That was ok though because it gave me time to walk around and get pictures of the grounds, and of a few of the children. I even got a picture of The Bathroom. *Shriek*
While I was taking pictures I figured out what our Gotcha Day Tradition is going to be from now on: We'll collect shoes all summer from rummage sales, etc., and send them to their orphanage. The children had really, really pitiful shoes here. They barely hang onto their little feet. The boys wear girls' shoes, etc. It's really sad. I should have brought a big suitcase full of shoes when I came, but I'm a dumb-dumb head and didn't.
Katya seemed to be hurting from her dentists' appointment yesterday, so I had her wait a minute after she dropped us off at the hotel and ran upstairs for some of our samples of Advil. She was reallllllly grateful. It made me feel good that we could do that little something for her.
My mind was mush yesterday. For some reason I was thinking that Aleksa was five. Nuh-uh. She's going to be four in a few days. John and I have both been doing this kind of thing in the last few days. We often have no idea what day it is, (I mean, we SERIOUSLY have no idea...), and have no clue how long we've been here in Belgorad-Dnetrovsky. I thought maybe it was 3 or 4 days yesterday when I decided to figure it out. I almost Fell Over when I saw that it was 10! Brain Mush. That's what we've got!
I have to tell on John for a minute... This afternoon has been pretty quiet in our room. He's been doing stuff for work, and all of a sudden, he got up, grabbed our bag of toys, and had The Most Pitiful look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he wanted to play with his kids but couldn't. (I just so happened to have my camera in hand when he said that...) ;O)
Aleksa isn't feeling well tonight. Our colds got her. :O( I'm really bummed about that because there is no doubt that we gave it to her. The other two next. She wanted to snuggle and snuggle tonight, so that was nice...
Adam has an enormous blister on his foot from his new shoes. He was hurting pretty good tonight, and limped around. He asked us for some new socks, and though we didn't have any "new" ones to hand over right now, Papa took off his and gave them to him. Adam thought that was pretty cool. I thought so too. John is such a good Dad, er, "Papa." (I wonder how long they'll actually call us Mama and Papa... I hope forever, but I doubt it.)
Babushka Fisher got to chat with the older kids tonight when she called. Our little chatterbox Aleksa clammed up, but she was all smiles while Grandma talked to her. She wasn't feeling well. Grandma got to hear her cry, however, because while the other two were talking, I had to put Aleksa down. Instant screaming. Adam and Liana were SOOOOO excited to get to talk to their babushka. They were just plain giddy. It was fun. Who knows what they said, but it was fun. 6:00pm our time is the best time to talk to the kids if anyone else wants to call us.
Btw, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of the emails and comments on our blog. We have been overwhelmed by how many people have been "tuning in" to our story, and for all the kind words of encouragement and support. We can't respond to everyone, but please just know that we have read them all, and we really do appreciate you all very much. Keep 'em coming! We ain't home yet!
Love, Shelly
The kids with their new balls
Poor Papa
Shoes...
Many have mentioned that we are "rescuing" our children. While I suppose to a point this is the case, I do want to add that we ourselves are also being rescued. At least I think so! It is a different kind of rescuing of course. John and I have plenty o' food back home, and enough clothing to be able to change them every day, and family who loves us, etc. But, these children are rescuing us from a lot of things too:
1.) Empty Lap Syndrome. Any couple longing for children feels the emptiness in their arms and laps very, very acutely. When they see other moms rocking their babies, there is a piercing pain that jabs through their hearts. "When will it be our turn?" they wonder. And even if they have waited as long as JOhn and I did, the pain never lessens. My lap and arms are full and overflowing now! When one of them wants down to play, there is another to jump right in. A child in the lap is a bandaid for the soul in many ways. How very blessed am I!
2.) They have rescued us from our Silent House. I was never so happy to tell our Empty House good-bye when we left. (Yes, I actually did say "good bye" to it... out loud even!) Some of you out there with many screaming kids might wish for a quiet home once in a while, but I have come to really hate ours. It means we're there all alone - still. I hate walking by bedrooms unoccupied by the little ones that were "supposed" to be there so long ago. Now not just ONE of our extra bedrooms will be full, but BOTH of them will be. How wonderful is THAT? My house will be full of love and laughter and singing and talking and playing for a long time now, and I can't wait to hear how "not quiet" my house will be when we get home. You will never ever hear me complain about the noise in my house. Ever.
3.) Our children have rescued us from always having to be grown-ups. We can now have tea-parties, climb jungle gyms, play tag, make kites, draw in color books, sing silly songs, play dress-up, kick balls, etc., etc. CAN'T WAIT!!!!
4.) Our children have rescued us from dressers and walls with nobody's pictures on them. I LOVE taking pictures (if you can't tell that by now....) and it really stinks that I take pictures for other peoples' children all the time, and yet there is no one on my own walls at home. I can't wait to plaster every empty surface in my house with sweet pictures of my babies. *bliss*
Ok, enough for now. I think you get the idea. The point is, though, that this rescuing business DEFINITELY goes both ways...
-------------------
Today before going to the orphanage, we stopped by a toy store. Wow, was it FULL! I wish I had brought my camera in there. Oh well! We bought three balls and some other misc. toys to keep us busy on our visits with the children. Yesterday, Adam asked me to buy him a ball, so I couldn't wait to give it to him today. It is a really nice soccer ball. The two little girls got regular plastic balls like you get at the grocery store.
We got to the orphanage at 10:15. Well, apparently their Saturday schedule is different than the rest of the week or something, because they didn't come outside until 11:00. That was ok though because it gave me time to walk around and get pictures of the grounds, and of a few of the children. I even got a picture of The Bathroom. *Shriek*
While I was taking pictures I figured out what our Gotcha Day Tradition is going to be from now on: We'll collect shoes all summer from rummage sales, etc., and send them to their orphanage. The children had really, really pitiful shoes here. They barely hang onto their little feet. The boys wear girls' shoes, etc. It's really sad. I should have brought a big suitcase full of shoes when I came, but I'm a dumb-dumb head and didn't.
Katya seemed to be hurting from her dentists' appointment yesterday, so I had her wait a minute after she dropped us off at the hotel and ran upstairs for some of our samples of Advil. She was reallllllly grateful. It made me feel good that we could do that little something for her.
My mind was mush yesterday. For some reason I was thinking that Aleksa was five. Nuh-uh. She's going to be four in a few days. John and I have both been doing this kind of thing in the last few days. We often have no idea what day it is, (I mean, we SERIOUSLY have no idea...), and have no clue how long we've been here in Belgorad-Dnetrovsky. I thought maybe it was 3 or 4 days yesterday when I decided to figure it out. I almost Fell Over when I saw that it was 10! Brain Mush. That's what we've got!
I have to tell on John for a minute... This afternoon has been pretty quiet in our room. He's been doing stuff for work, and all of a sudden, he got up, grabbed our bag of toys, and had The Most Pitiful look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he wanted to play with his kids but couldn't. (I just so happened to have my camera in hand when he said that...) ;O)
Aleksa isn't feeling well tonight. Our colds got her. :O( I'm really bummed about that because there is no doubt that we gave it to her. The other two next. She wanted to snuggle and snuggle tonight, so that was nice...
Adam has an enormous blister on his foot from his new shoes. He was hurting pretty good tonight, and limped around. He asked us for some new socks, and though we didn't have any "new" ones to hand over right now, Papa took off his and gave them to him. Adam thought that was pretty cool. I thought so too. John is such a good Dad, er, "Papa." (I wonder how long they'll actually call us Mama and Papa... I hope forever, but I doubt it.)
Babushka Fisher got to chat with the older kids tonight when she called. Our little chatterbox Aleksa clammed up, but she was all smiles while Grandma talked to her. She wasn't feeling well. Grandma got to hear her cry, however, because while the other two were talking, I had to put Aleksa down. Instant screaming. Adam and Liana were SOOOOO excited to get to talk to their babushka. They were just plain giddy. It was fun. Who knows what they said, but it was fun. 6:00pm our time is the best time to talk to the kids if anyone else wants to call us.
Btw, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of the emails and comments on our blog. We have been overwhelmed by how many people have been "tuning in" to our story, and for all the kind words of encouragement and support. We can't respond to everyone, but please just know that we have read them all, and we really do appreciate you all very much. Keep 'em coming! We ain't home yet!
Love, Shelly
The kids with their new balls
Poor Papa
Shoes...
Friday, August 06, 2004
Liana's birthday
August 6, 2004 Friday
This morning I actually woke up before the roosters outside. I couldn’t believe it. I wondered if there was a Chicken-Q last night or something. But, in just a half hour or so, they woke up too. John and I decided that this part of hiUkraine sounds like roosters crowing, birds chirping, and cars driving by on a gravel road hitting multiple pot-holes.
We walked to the nearby store this morning to buy ice cream treats for the kids. Today is Liana’s birthday! We have a six year old now! :O) We bought six ice cream bars for just over a buck. Pretty unbelievable how cheap everything is here. We gave Katya one of the treats after telling her that it was Liana’s birthday. She gave me a kiss. Aw…
When we saw the kids this morning they all came running to us with giant smiles. Liana was the first one to see us, and I got the first hug this morning. I got to tell her that it was her birthday and she couldn’t believe it. She was so happy. She asked for a “bananchka” but was THRILLED when we pulled out ice cream for them instead. They all loved them, and they fought over the wrappers so they could lick them clean. I think I got some cute pics. I just so happened to start a video just as Liana got ice cream all over herself. Aleksa dropped hers or got it on Liana somehow and it got in Liana’s hair, and all over her leg, etc. Aleksa’s dress is covered with chocolate. I’m sure we’re some caregiver’s Favorite People today. ;O) (I just hope she's got a different dress on tomorrow... we shall see!)
We had such a good time! We played and played. Papa came home a sweaty mess today, but that’s ok; Papa needs his exercise anyway! ;O)
Our excitement for the afternoon was that John realized that he lost our phone. It’s somewhere on the orphanage grounds. Ain’t that exciting? He’s off trying to figure out what to do about that right now. Who knows if we’ll find it again. It’s just a good thing that our minutes are prepaid (and I don’t think there were too many left on the phone anyway).
----------
Back from the evening visit. We found our phone by having another couple call our phone number and then they all ran around listening for it. It happened to be ringing just behind where Aleksa and I were playing. Someone had thrown it in the bushes. No minutes gone from it, so all is well.
The visit tonight went really well. We had the children ask us in English for some crackers.... and we held the bag, so they had to ask us over and over again. Even little Aleksa spouted off English left and right. She'll be speaking English long before the other two. She has the biggest urge to make her wishes known. Speaking of, she kept saying "No" to me tonight, and she hits when she says that, so, um, lets just say we went round and round. She's five years old, (or will be in a few days), but really acts about three. She's definitely the orphanage favorite, but Oh, have they spoiled this girl!
The other two are doing great. Giant strides with Liana in the last few days. She's more relaxed around us, and we are bonding really well. We'll see how it goes when we get home, but the more we get to know her, the more we know that all this little girl needs is a home with parents who love her.
Adam is still wearing that nasty green shirt. *grumble, grumble* I can't wait to take them all shopping! Adam is a great kid though. He's as normal as any other little boy we know back home and then some. Of the three, he's going to settle in the easiest back home; there is no doubt about it.
John left the orphanage tonight dripping wet with sweat. Everyone was making fun of him. There is a couple here from Spain now and boy did they get a kick out of how wet he got. They wanted to know how many of the kids were ours, and were shocked when we told them that all three were ours. They said we were brave, and at that moment Aleksa was pitching a fit so I said, "yeah, or Estupido" (all in Spanish though). We all laughed. It really hurt my brain to even attempt to speak Spanish tonight. Too many languages being dumped into the brain at once. Can't do it. I did find out from this couple that they came to Ukraine looking for a baby boy (or toddler) and wound up with a six-year-old girl. They have a daughter back home who is younger, and she had been promised a baby brother and is NOT happy about getting an older sister. They told me there would be a war back home between them. It's scary to adopt from Ukraine if you are not flexible with age and gender (and number!) You just can not predict who is available at what time.
Anyway, enough for tonight. John has to get on and blog some too...
Love,
Shelly
Liana and her ice cream
Adam with ice cream
Aleksa and her papa
This morning I actually woke up before the roosters outside. I couldn’t believe it. I wondered if there was a Chicken-Q last night or something. But, in just a half hour or so, they woke up too. John and I decided that this part of hiUkraine sounds like roosters crowing, birds chirping, and cars driving by on a gravel road hitting multiple pot-holes.
We walked to the nearby store this morning to buy ice cream treats for the kids. Today is Liana’s birthday! We have a six year old now! :O) We bought six ice cream bars for just over a buck. Pretty unbelievable how cheap everything is here. We gave Katya one of the treats after telling her that it was Liana’s birthday. She gave me a kiss. Aw…
When we saw the kids this morning they all came running to us with giant smiles. Liana was the first one to see us, and I got the first hug this morning. I got to tell her that it was her birthday and she couldn’t believe it. She was so happy. She asked for a “bananchka” but was THRILLED when we pulled out ice cream for them instead. They all loved them, and they fought over the wrappers so they could lick them clean. I think I got some cute pics. I just so happened to start a video just as Liana got ice cream all over herself. Aleksa dropped hers or got it on Liana somehow and it got in Liana’s hair, and all over her leg, etc. Aleksa’s dress is covered with chocolate. I’m sure we’re some caregiver’s Favorite People today. ;O) (I just hope she's got a different dress on tomorrow... we shall see!)
We had such a good time! We played and played. Papa came home a sweaty mess today, but that’s ok; Papa needs his exercise anyway! ;O)
Our excitement for the afternoon was that John realized that he lost our phone. It’s somewhere on the orphanage grounds. Ain’t that exciting? He’s off trying to figure out what to do about that right now. Who knows if we’ll find it again. It’s just a good thing that our minutes are prepaid (and I don’t think there were too many left on the phone anyway).
----------
Back from the evening visit. We found our phone by having another couple call our phone number and then they all ran around listening for it. It happened to be ringing just behind where Aleksa and I were playing. Someone had thrown it in the bushes. No minutes gone from it, so all is well.
The visit tonight went really well. We had the children ask us in English for some crackers.... and we held the bag, so they had to ask us over and over again. Even little Aleksa spouted off English left and right. She'll be speaking English long before the other two. She has the biggest urge to make her wishes known. Speaking of, she kept saying "No" to me tonight, and she hits when she says that, so, um, lets just say we went round and round. She's five years old, (or will be in a few days), but really acts about three. She's definitely the orphanage favorite, but Oh, have they spoiled this girl!
The other two are doing great. Giant strides with Liana in the last few days. She's more relaxed around us, and we are bonding really well. We'll see how it goes when we get home, but the more we get to know her, the more we know that all this little girl needs is a home with parents who love her.
Adam is still wearing that nasty green shirt. *grumble, grumble* I can't wait to take them all shopping! Adam is a great kid though. He's as normal as any other little boy we know back home and then some. Of the three, he's going to settle in the easiest back home; there is no doubt about it.
John left the orphanage tonight dripping wet with sweat. Everyone was making fun of him. There is a couple here from Spain now and boy did they get a kick out of how wet he got. They wanted to know how many of the kids were ours, and were shocked when we told them that all three were ours. They said we were brave, and at that moment Aleksa was pitching a fit so I said, "yeah, or Estupido" (all in Spanish though). We all laughed. It really hurt my brain to even attempt to speak Spanish tonight. Too many languages being dumped into the brain at once. Can't do it. I did find out from this couple that they came to Ukraine looking for a baby boy (or toddler) and wound up with a six-year-old girl. They have a daughter back home who is younger, and she had been promised a baby brother and is NOT happy about getting an older sister. They told me there would be a war back home between them. It's scary to adopt from Ukraine if you are not flexible with age and gender (and number!) You just can not predict who is available at what time.
Anyway, enough for tonight. John has to get on and blog some too...
Love,
Shelly
Liana and her ice cream
Adam with ice cream
Aleksa and her papa
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