The Rest of the Story!

August 11, 2004 Wednesday

Court today! We ran around this morning doing some last minute paperwork/notarizing before

court. While Vica and John were off doing something and I was waiting in the car, Katya asked me

if we were going to have court, and I said yes. She asked if we were going to leave tomorrow. I

told her we were. I started crying! I'm sure going to miss her! I think it meant a lot to her

that I was so emotional about it. She's my Katya!

Court was a breeze. The other couple from Dallas had their appointment right after us, so we all

waited together. The judge was a woman who was probably in her early forties. She told us our

rights, asked us if we had any objections to the adoption, asked us if we were well informed of

the children's medical conditions, etc. She asked us basic questions like where did we work, our

names, birth dates, address, why we wanted the 30 days waived, what we wanted the court to do for

us (make us parents of the children, change their names and waive the 30 days.) The city

inspector and a representative of the orphanage also had to testify their approval of our

adoption. It was funny, but one of the things the orphanage lady said was that she knew we were

attached to the children because every time anyone saw us with them, we were carrying Zina

around, and it was obvious that we were fond of the others too. As the judge read her verdict/

the decree to us, I cried. Months and years of waiting to finally be a mother and it was finally

here. It's really hard to describe. So much paperwork, so many re-done documents, so much time

researching Ukrainian adoptions, so many hours talking to other families about their Ukrainian

adoption experiences, etc. The waiting, and the waiting, and the waiting, and the waiting. And

it was finally here, and it was finally coming to an end. We are our children's parents. Wow.

After court, we waited in the hall for the final paperwork for a long time. We got our pictures

taken with the Dallas couple and then we made a mad dash to the children's birth village which

seemed like a million miles away. It was in the middle of noplace in particular. I took lots of

pictures of it, but unfortunately, my photo memory card blinked out on us and all the pictures

were lost. Makes me sick to think about. Some of the most precious pictures that we could have

taken are zapped. I could have cried. Anyway, we got the new birth certificates and then headed

to Odessa to do some other odds and ends things. We ate at a Ukrainian sandwich place that is

right near a huge yellow Orthodox church. The sandwiches were made with flour taco shell-type

thingies, only they were fried first. There was chicken inside as well as seasoned french fries

and other things. It was really delicious actually.

By the way, we drove through Moldova! It was only about a 5 mile stretch, but we did! It was

cool that we got to go to another country while we were in Ukraine. Lots of fruit stands with

old babushkas tending them, and lots of goats and cows, and farming fields, and even a man out

with a sickle. Pretty cool.

Anyway, after that we went back to B.D. and went to bed. (We got there late.) It was terrible

that we didn't even get to see the kids on the day we actually became their parents. We both

hoped they wouldn't be too upset that we didn't come see them as usual today.

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August 12, 2004 Thursday

Didn't get much sleep last night. I was all nerved up about getting the kids, wondering how they

were going to handle the trip to Kiev and then home. Wondering if we'd be ok parents. Wondering

if we'd bit off too much adopting three kids at once, etc. Lots going through the brain.

We went to Odessa again today to file things, and blah, blah, blah. (Legalization of documents,

etc.) Lots of running here and there, and in between went to a market to buy Liana and Aleksa

some new shoes and quickly found a few more outfits for them and Adam too. I was a nervous wreck

all day wondering how it would be when we take the kids tonight.

We got back to B.D. at about 4:00 and it had been decided that we would ride back to Kiev with

the Dallas couple in a van that we would rent and split the cost of. Much better than the train.

We headed first to the orphanage where we were told that we couldn't take the children until we

spoke to the director. Fine. But, she wouldn't be back for 20 minutes. She was with a Harley

Davidson group that was in town and she was taking them to the orphanage to get a tour of the

place. (Which we didn't even get!) (Well, we kinda did with some of Aleksa's bathroom

emergencies.)

Anyway, we went back to the hotel, packed our stuff, and somewhere in there we realized that our

black folder/binder with all our documents, etc. was nowhere to be found. The Dallas couple was

patiently waiting for us while we tore everything apart looking for it, and finally we found it

when we called the one of the managers and asked if it was seen. She had seen it in the dining

room at lunch time. Sure enough, that's where it was! Whew. I can't even begin to describe

how nervous and Freaked Out I was about everything: packing so quickly, losing the binder, the

heat, the worry over the kids, etc. I got into the van and soon realized that I hadn't said

good-bye to Katya. I started crying and the van stopped and I got out and ran over to Katya's

car (she had some car trouble so she hadn't left the hotel yet). I gave her a big hug, told her

I loved her, and gave her a small bag of some gifts.

We went back to the orphanage to collect the kids and by this time, the Harley Guys were there.

(Boy was that a site to see!) The director was busy showing them around, so she made us wait. (Funny that Harley Guys could get a tour of the place, but we couldn't!) Finally she just let us sign the papers and take the kids. The kids' caregiver spiffed them all up combing their hair and getting them dressed. She then gave Aleksa a small bunny that was

apparently her favorite. I thought that was sooooo sweet. I gave her a hug and then we flew

out. We didn't even have time to give the gifts we had brought for the caregivers. We just

left them in the main office and asked that they would be given.

The van was nice and big, and the driver was the stereotypical Ukrainian old man. Dark hair with

gray, and a looooooong mustache that scared Aleksa half to death at first. She didn't want to go into the van at all because of him, and had to be persuaded.

Finally we were off. Basically, it was the worst and longest night of our lives. The girls took

turns screaming, kicking, pinching, crying, sassing, hitting, etc. Adam also had his turn at

being defiant as he would not sit in his seat (we wanted to stand in the aisle). I firmly made

him sit over and over 'till fnally he did on his own. Aleksa had to go potty several times, and

at first she only wanted her "groupa's potty" and didn't want to go outside. She finally HAD to

go, and after that, she didn't ask for it anymore. Basically, the stress of the last few days

had gotten to us all. I was shot before we ever got into the van at all, but then when the kids

started screaming, I though, "WHAT DID WE DO?????????"

We got to the apartment in Kiev *really* late (like 4:30 am) and then they didn't want to sleep. Aleksa asked to go potty, and you guessed it, she didn't like the potty at the apartment. She wanted to go "na ulitsa" (Outside.) Since we were about 7 stories up with no elevator, and since this was a perfectly good potty, there weren't no way Mama was going to take Aleksa outside. So, I plopped her on the potty anyway, and she screamed her head off. While I was holding her there, she took an enormous bite out of my shoulder. Major bruise, plus some cut skin. Mama was Not a Happy Camper, let me tell you. Liana also had some more fits. I was too exhausted to even think straight. I slept with Aleksa, and John slept with the other two. It's gotta get better than this, right?

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August 13, Friday

We had an appointment at the Oil and Gas Clinic at 9:00ish so we got very little sleep. The kids

were all still holding some major grudges against us for last night's trauma, and so Nobody was

happy, though they didn't throw any more fits at the doctor. The appointment lasted all of about

20 minutes for them all (just measured them, weighed them, asked them a few questions, and then

looked them over a few minutes. That was it.

Then we went to get our plane tickets. Three over-tired kids in a hot van in a strange place

waiting for hours at a time for something they don't understand was Not Fun. But, after going to

AirFrance, British Air and LOT, they finally found a good set of tickets for us for flying out on

Tuesday from Kiev to Amsterdam to Minneapolis. YAY!!!!!!!!

Then we went to the grocery store and picked up a bunch of food for the next few days. It was a

relief to get back to the apartment. Which brings us to the turning point with my relationship

with Liana. Before today, I have felt like she has not trusted me. She has seemed stressed with

me, and it has really made me wonder how to "reach" her. It finally happened today as we put the

groceries away and made supper. Liana VISIBLY relaxed with me and helped me in the kitchen all

evening. I think she finally "got it" that we are going to take good care of her and love her,

and FEED HER. She was practically giddy (not practically; she WAS) that we had so much food in

the refrigerator. She helped me cook supper, etc. It was an eye-opener to me that as I cut open

a canteloupe-type melon and scooped out the seeds, that this little girl asked me if she could

eat them. She gobbled them down like they were the best things she'd ever had.

Just a few comments on food. I don't think I've mentionedd this elsewhere in our blogging, but

the kids at the orphanage are starving not only for attention and love, but for food. They steal

unripened veggies out of the orphanage garden (which isn't anything to write home about in the

first place; nothing can grow there with the kids stealing from it all the time). We caught the

kids several times eating sap from trees, gnawing on the leathery green nut-casings from the

trees, and a few times we caught them eating plants or weeds. The children have no fruit,

protein or dairy in their diets. No juice. No cold water (they have hot tea). When we started

giving them bottled water, they drank it like it was going out of style. They've never been able

to drink it like that at the orphanage.

Anyway, our first supper was the key to starting our family. It isn't like we weren't a family

before tonight, but our first supper around the table was the "clincher" for the children, and

especially Liana as I said. The kids gobbled down every bite, licked their plates and thanked us

over and over again with hugs and kisses. After the kids left the table/kitchen, John came in and

said, "We had our first supper together!!!" and gave me a big hug and kiss. It was probably the

sweetest few hours of my life. Hard to put in words how happy I was to be cooking supper with my

sweet little girl who was calling me "mamachka" (a very affectionate term for mama) for the first

time and doling out hugs and kisses for no reason at all left and right. (Up 'til now I was "

Mama" and occasionally "mamka" when she didn't get her way.) (Mamka is what they call me when

they're mad at me about something or other.)

After supper, I stepped out of the kitchen for a few minutes and when I returned, I found Adam

and Liana doing the dishes!!!!!!!!!!! (Don't think that will last long once they get home, but

we got pictures to prove it did happen!)

At bedtime, we hooked up the laptop and showed them pictures of their new family in America, as

well as some pictures we took of them at the orphanage. They loved it, and it was nice to pile

all three kids in a big bed to look at them.

I should also add that this evening I got another initiation to being an "official mother"... I

stepped on my first Lego tonight! I was practically GIDDY! I came in and told John and he

laughed at me, but boy, have I waited a long time to do that! (Maybe only those of us who have

waited as long as we have to become parents can fully understand why that made me so happy.) It

means I GOT KIDS!!!! :O)

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August 14, Saturday

This morning I cooked a dozen eggs for the family. I hate eggs, but they're good for you, so I

had to make 'em for my babies. I put a bit of sausage in them. Liana helped again, and she was

beside herself with happiness. As I was cooking up the eggs, I happened to turn around to see my

little girl drinking out the last bit of slime out of the egg shells that I hadn't thrown away

yet. Grossed Me Out. Completely. I cried for her. It realllllly hit home to me how truly

hungry these kids have been, and how traumatic it must have been for them to not have enough to

eat. It also enraged me that my Aleksa (the "orphanage favorite") was CHUBBY but the rest of the

kids at the orphanage were skin and bones. Why?????? How cruel to feed one child more than the

rest because the workers selfishly loved one child better. Makes me sick. Don't get me wrong,

I'm glad that Aleksa is healthy, but the way she got there is horrifying to me.

Anyway, we bought some souvenires on St. Andrews Incline today. I would have LOVED to have

shopped more, but once we got the kids' shirts (the traditional Ukrainian folk-shirts), and some

other embroidered items and trinkets, we had to go. Three hot kids waiting in the van for us, so

we had to skiddadle (Vica and I were the only ones who got out and shopped.)

Then we went to an outdoor museum with the kids. It is a village set up with historical houses

from all over Ukraine. The kids could run around, etc. Adam was quite the handful today. He

begged for anything he saw.... Ice cream is his favorite thing to beg us for. Kinda drives me

nuts, but we just have to remember what this kid is coming out of.

Next we went to a very western/American style supermarket with a restaurant and McDonalds

Playland type of a play area for the kids. We bought some groceries for the next few days (the

kids are eating us out of house and home!!!) Then the kids played as we ordered our food. It was

a pancake-type place. Excellent. I had strawberry pancakes. The kids ate every bite of theirs

too. Really fun time of watching the kids play, eating at a restaurant all together for the

first time, etc.

The only downers of today were that after we got home, we noticed that Adam had some candy that

we didn't buy for him. He had asked us for it at the grocery store and we didn't buy it for him.

He helped himself. He's also hoarding food in his room. Going to be a while before he fully

trusts that there is always going to be enough food for him. We didn't holler at him or

anything, we just took it away and told him no. We're choosing our battles for now. Another

downer was that Adam had a World Class Temper Tantrum tonight. John dealt with him for over an

hour. It all turned out well, but the girls were scared to death, I was practically in tears,

etc. Par for the course for this part of our adoption/family-making, but it did make me

frightful that we had bitten off more than we could chew a few times.

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August 15, Sunday

We had more big meals today. Another dozen eggs this morning, another big lunch and supper.

Seems like I've been in the kitchen the entire time we've been here, but that's ok, I'm teaching

my kids to trust me.

Today we basically stayed home and tried to setting into family life. I know others have said

that we should see as much of Kiev as possible before leaving Ukraine, but I think it was

infinitely more important today to help cement our relationships with each other at "home." I

really hope that will help our plane ride home, at the very least with the older two kids. I

think I've "won" Liana for sure now; she is so much more relaxed and happy than I've ever seen

her. She's beside herself with happiness. She has a Mama and a Papa, and her brother, sister,

plenty of food for her, and there is no doubt that it is setting in that this is going to be "all

ok." Such a relief. I consider our time here in this apartment to be the most sacred time of

our entire lives. It isn't a mansion by any stretch, but what has happened here I will always

look back on with sweet memories. (Ok, minus the memories of the tantrums!) The kids have had a

marked improvement in their behaviors, (ok, minus Aleksa, but we'll deal with her more when we

get home!) ;O)

Speaking of Aleksa, here's a cute story. We've been trying to teach the kids to count, and also to ask for things in English. We've been teaching them to say, "One ---- please, Mama/Papa." So, when John tried to get Aleksa to ask nicely for a banana, John started her off, "One" (and then waited for her to repeat it), and Aleksa replied very sweetly, "Two." So, Papa thought that was too cute, and didn't make her say the rest.

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August 16, Monday

This morning we had our exit interview at the U.S. Embassy. Everything went well, and it was good to be in a room full of Americans. I was surprised how small the room actually was. It was packed. Vica came with us, and the other couple from our orphanage was there too, so our kids played together. Vica told us that their facilitator asked HER to translate their documents for him... Oy. I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hop on their airplane home.

We spent the rest of the day having lots of family time. Vica picked John up at 3:00 to go get our passports from the Embassy, but other than that, we stayed in, and I tried to clean and pack. The kids loved vacuuming, so they did that. We got to bed too late, but hopefully everyone will sleep on the plane. I hope!!!

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August 17, Tuesday

One of the worst, longest days of my life. Flying home with three non-English-speaking little kids who are scared, overtired, and HATING seat-belts, was the biggest nightmare ever. Actually, Liana and Adam were fine. Aleksa was aweful. Hitting, screaming, biting, yelling, crying, etc. Most people/stewardesses were sympathetic and kind, but we did have a lady come over to me and tell me she didn't like the way I was relating to my child. Oy. (GO AWAY, LADY). I tried to explain to her that she was scared, and that she had just come out of an orphanage in Ukraine and didn't understand why we weren't speaking her language, etc., but this lady just went on and on about how I should "communicate with her with my heart" and "hold her to my chest," and that she wanted to pick her up herself and "within five minutes she'd be fine etc.) (I almost felt like letting her--- there is NO DOUBT Aleksa would have given her a black eye!!!!) Anyway, I was never so happy to step foot in the Minneapolis airport in my life. I'm sure half of the plane was too!!!

Adam was ecstatic to get to America, and jabbered with anyone who would listen to him about "America, Babushka" etc. Who knows what he was saying, but he was hyper and giddy. He laughed about nothing and everything, and was practically jumping out of his skin with excitement. I've never seen him like that before!!!

Our luggage all made it; everyone was in one piece; the Fishers were there to pick us up, and we made it home safe and sound. It is so good to be home!!!!

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