Just took this one a few minutes ago... I took a bunch of others too, but for some reason, while the quality of this one isn't the greatest, I really think it is cute anyway. Thought I'd share.
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Quieting down the cobwebs...
About Me
- Shelly
- Mom to three fabulous heart-grown kiddos; Adam, Liana and Aleksandra (Aleksa or Leks for short), adopted 8/04 from Odessa, Ukraine, and home-grown blessings Abrielle born 11/07, Brynn born 1/10, and newest surprise due 8/11... Email address (in code so spammers don't fill my mailbox) = "Shelly (funny symbol here) JohnAndShelly (dot) net"
2 comments:
The "missing front teeth" smile is so adorable! Wow they just seem to have grown up so much in the past year+.
To answer your question from yesterday, yep we are still in the "waiting for a match" stage with domestic adoption. In 3 weeks it will be one year of waiting. And yes I can't wait to show you a pic of the happy day that I finally become a mommy (well I guess I have a little one in heaven from the ectopic in June but you know what I mean...).
Ruth from the ttc adoption db
Yes, I do know what you mean with having a baby in heaven. It still doesn't ease the grief of having empty arms HERE though. It was a comfort to me knowing I had little ones to look forward to meeting in heaven, but that didn't take the incredible ache away from my empty arms and lap, so yes, I do know what you kmean.
Even after my own *horrible* ectopic in May, it didn't hurt anywhere as bad as my previous m/c's did, and yet this m/c involved a major surgery and weeks of recovery. It didn't hurt me as bad because I had kids climbing all over me and waiting for me to be up and ready to play. It was NOT the same pain. Sure, it stunk that another baby had died, but the loss that is accentuated by a silent, immaculate house to come home to is felt much more acutely I think.
I've gotten into several arguments with ladies over that. "A loss is a loss," they have told me. Sure, I am pro-life, and as soon as I conceived, that was a BABY, and as soon as it died, IT DIED. BUT, my ectopic didn't leave me completely *alone* this last time. I hadn't been necessarily sad for the babies I had lost, I had been sad FOR ME. I was thinking about ME. I had nobody to play dress-up, or tea-parties with. Nobody to watch climb trees, kiss stapled fingers for, nobody sew little dresses for, or dress alike, or snuggle up and read to. I had only me, myself and I to sit and feel that emptiness in a house that seldom got messy, and not a single lego on the floor to step on. I haven't actually heard the ticking of my clock for a long time. Too much noise! And it feels GOOD.
God has really done a lot of healing in my heart. It feels so good to not get choked up thinking of the babies that should have shown up by now, etc. I'm enjoying every minute of being a mom right now. (ok, except when Liana puts gum in her hair on purpose!) ;O) I love doing school with them. I love being all domestic all the time, trying to keep things tidy. That doesn't happen all the time, but when the place is cluttered, I sit back and think, "YAY, I have a mess! It means I have KIDS!" (That's right before I announce that it's "Pick-up-your-stuff Time.")
My infertility and losses have turned me into a mom who KNOWS what she has. I know I am blessed, blessed, blessed. There are so many moms out there who are constantly looking to dump off their kids anywhere they can, so they can get away from them for as long as possible. Some moms would rather be just about anywhere else but with their kids. It makes me sad.
I know that I am in a spot where thousands of childless women wish they could be though. I might not have every modern convenience of life. We can't afford a lot of fluff... No new cars or fancy furniture, or big houses for us. But, we have lots and lots of love, giggles, tickles, snuggles, chatting, etc. There is always an abundance of toys around the house to be stepped on. I'm richer than most people I know if you don't count physical "stuff!"
What a relief to finally be where I'm at right now. And that makes me really pull all the harder for you ladies out there who are still waiting. I wouldn't wish that wait on anyone. Hang in there Ruth! Your day will come!
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