The thing about moving and starting over somewhere, is that you are constantly retelling "your story." Who even knows how many times I've told people about having adopted the kids, that we're homeschooling, etc. We're peculiar to people, and we have (all at once) been bombarded with questions.
And we're fine with that. (Obviously, or else I sure wouldn't be blogging!) We're proud of our kiddos, the progress they've made, and proud of where they're from. But, we've also had some very uncomfortable questions lately. There's this fine line though, where questions get inappropriate. One asked (in front of my kids) what happened to their "real" parents. Still trying to come up with a polite answer to that one! Others have asked about "birth" parents, which is better, but I scratch my head wondering why they need to know that. *sigh* (Btw, if you didn't catch that, WE, John and Shelly Fisher are Real Parents. Not a pretend bone in our bodies.)
I let the kids play in a neighbor's yard the other evening and the mom came over with the kids (and hers) and told me they had all had a great talk about where they were from, about the orphanage, etc. I have to tell you. I almost freaked out. (Not really, I was very nice. But inside, I freaked.) There are certain people that are *so* curious that they pump the kids with questions, and appear to enjoy doing so when John and I are not present. A while back someone sorta took Adam under their wing and pumped him with questions before I happened to notice... That person told me that they were just trying to be someone that Adam could come and talk to if he wanted to. (Even though they'd only seen Adam like Three times. Ever.) I told her that I was da mama, and John was da papa and that we ourselves are there for him when he wants to talk. The mama bear in me came out that time.
And so yesterday (this is a riot!), the neighbor boy comes over (he's probably 7). It was his last day of school, so that was the big topic of conversation among the kiddos. Anyway, this little guy is a Brain In a Half, and will probably be a lawyer or senator some day. But, he said to me, "Um, Shelly, I was wondering. When you school the children, do they just get to play all day?" I about spit my koolaid I was so amused! I said, "Um why do you ask?" He said, "Well, I was just wondering if they just played all day." I said, "Garett, if your mom was your teacher, would she let you play all day?" And he told me "no way." Then I asked him if he thought I would let them do that. I guess that satisfied him, but then he asked, "So, what level of math are they doing right now?" "Um, Garett, why do you ask?" "Oh, I'm just wondering. Sister Margaret is so hard! If we get anything wrong, she really gets on our tail!" At this point Liana looked at Garett funny, and then she looked at me. I chuckled and said to Liana, "Of course YOUR math teacher NEVER has gotten on YOUR tail, has she?" To which she replied, "Oh YES, she has!" lol!
Anyway, I let Garett know that just because we homeschool, doesn't mean he can quiz us. I have since instructed the kids that if anyone "quizzes" them (and several adults have done so upon hearing they are homeschooled), that they are to respond, "My mom says I don't have to answer people who quiz us just because we're homeschooled."
We'll break in the neighbors eventually! ;O)
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3 comments:
Shelly,
I just sat here and cringed reading about some of the things people will say to you, or how they pump the kids for information. I like Mom Fisher's response about the "real" parents comment 'cept I'd say something with MUCH more attitude (can't help it, I am a Jersey girl after all, LOL).
As for home schooling, I think people are just blown away by that, they think it's something they could never handle and are just sooooooo curious about someone who does.
I think it's awesome that you chose to home school your kids, and it's very evident how much they are getting from it.
You've got three terrific kids, and they couldn't have a better Mama and Papa!!
xo
Lisa S.
I just have to say BRAVO to "MOM"!!!! What an awesome blessing it must be for you, John and Shelly, to have this kind of support! I pray that at some point in my life, I will be the kind of cheering section for my kids that your mom is for you guys!
And, I might add, she's right! You all have done a fantastic job with your crew from all I've read--and I've been reading (on and off) since about the time you brought them home!!
~Lori in KY
Shelly,
It is a difficult balance. We AP's so want to let the world know that there are spectacular children out there who are longing for a Mom or Dad.
But, first we are parents and second we are ambassadors for adoption.
Two tips- to awkward questions respond, "why do you ask?" or "why would you say something like that to me?"
Also, more than ever you are at the phase now where you would be wise to consider how whatever comment you do make, "fall on to the kid's ears."
Meaning, I have a lot I can say on a dime, but now I measure my comments as to their impact on my daughter. That usually involves me being politely assertive and always postive, though before she was at the age of understanding I'd be a little openly appaled, sarcastic, annoyed. Not a point of pride, just the truth.
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