Yesterday was the one year anniversary of our court date. All these celebrations are really exhausting! Didn't make a cake. ;O)
I did get to pick up the mother's ring that I ordered on my birthday. Instead of using the traditional "birthstones" I let each kid pick out what color stone they liked. I wasn't there for their births, so their "birth" stone doesn't mean much to me. (Plus two peridots and a garnet wouldn't have been much to oooh and aaah about...)
Adam picked a blue sapphire, which suits his personality really well. (And he looks super-handsome in blue!) Liana picked a red ruby, which I'm sure I don't have to comment on how perfect that is. Aleksa changed her mind several times, so I steered her toward a yellow topaz. Aleksa has always reminded me of my mom, so I thought it would be nice to use my mom's birthstone. Plus, waaaay last fall/winter I said to her, "Aleksa, you know I love you, don't you?" And she replied, "Yes, I'm your sunshine." So, yellow has struck me as an Aleksa color for a long time. (She even asked for a yellow dress back when she was still at the orphanage.) Anyway, I had the stones set so they are red then blue, then yellow. Red and blue for the American flag, and the blue and yellow for the Ukrainian flag. I love it. Couldn't have packed much more meaning into this little ring if I tried!
*happy Shelly*
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3 comments:
I know you'll wear that ring proudly, Shelly. What a great idea to have the kids pick their stones! Perfect! I loved the girls' birthday pictures. They are so pretty and they absolutely glow with love. I'm sure it's emotional for you to have them be a year older, but they will always and forever be your blessings. How lucky you are!!! Oh, by the way, my package is in transit... (nothing like the last minute) Jo from the ttc adoption board
Shelly,
Clearly you are more expert at this than I am seeing as I have one girl, adopted as an infant. But, I would like to share some wisdom gained from a FRUA chat board. One Mom has written about how her daughter really acts up or withdraws and has a number of difficult issues preceding her birthday and post her birthday. This Mom feels it is a trigger time for the child, where she experiences deeply all of her loss. Attachment during this time often needs to be reattuned. Your comments regarding jealousy struck me as very positive (so normal, really)and Liana's quite/moody/loud behavior as anxiety related. Interesting also how she insisted on "making her own cake" - a little bit of control going on, possibly? This is what kids tend to do when they are anxious (unknowingly). Well, hope I have not overstepped my bounds here. I can say that my bio kids experience their birthday's differently than my kid who was adopted. My bio kids (for better in this case) have a sense of entitlement about them on this day. Sometimes, imo, adoption can either be like an elephant in the middle of the room or a tiny mouse hiding in the corner. Each event,transition affects each kid differently (and each parent). As for me, celebrating my daughter's birthday is bittersweet. It reminds me again of the birthday and hundreds of days, that I missed. I feel somewhat cheated and sad on her birthday. I know, and know she will soon know, that her birthmom was there before and is not now. A typical child can barely reflect upon her birthday and not make the leap to their "first mother". I can't answer if she is remembering this child on her birthday. But I tell my dd that she must be,she is too unforgetable. Ofcourse, that begs the question, "why didn't she keep me then?". I bet if you pursue Liana's feelings more deeply she will express some grief,loss, anger and confusion. IMO, Alexsa is young still for that seeing as until you understand conception, you can't really comprehend adoption... Adoption is complex but still the smartest thing we have ever chosen to do.
Warmly,
A NJ friend
You'll have to post a pic of your Mother's ring. ;-) It sounds so pretty and has so many special meanings to it. I am glad your family has had so many special events to celebrate lately - related to the adoption process and also the gift of life to two your two princesses. I love seeing the pics of their smiling faces especially when I contemplate on what their faces probably looked like before you and your dh entered their lives. - Ruth from the ttc adoption db
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