Can't remember if I mentioned this from the other day, but it ties in well with tonight's happenings...
The other day I was playing legos with the kids. Liana found a brick I was looking for and I said, "Spaceba balshoy" to her. She said, "Stop it, Mama!" I asked her why. She said, "That's dyetski dom (orphanage) talking." And then she sort of glazed over and spaced out a minute or two. :O(
Tonight, I was trying to impress Adam with my new Ukrainian word du jour (thanks Lisa!) I told Adam that I knew what the flower crown thingie was called and he right away said it was a "Vinok." I asked him what they called the shirts, and he looked at me, and thought and thought, and thought, and he just couldn't pull it out of his head. He finally gave up and said, "No more Ukrainski words, Mama; all gone." I promptly burst into tears. I can't believe it hit me that hard. Adam truly is in No Man's Land right now with language. He can't express himself in either language, and he is constantly frustrated. He makes constant sound effects and pantamimes for what he wants to say, and will often just let Liana finish his sentences for him. (Liana is having to take over his line in the Christmas program... he just couldn't say it/remember it. Of course after we told him Liana would say it, he figured out *mostly* how to say it, but he undoubtedly has no idea what he's saying and it is mostly gibberish to him.)
Anyway, when I was trying to pull myself together, he said, "Mama, it's ok. Ukraine bad. Ya ni want Ukrainski talkin'." Well, of course I had to ask why, and then he responded, "Dyetski dom, Mama. Dyetski dom bad. No food, little clothes. Funny clothes. Girl clothes. Adam pink coat. Bad shoes. Dirty. Cold. Bad people. Bad people in Ukraine, Mama. Bad. Ya ni like it." I cried and cried.
Still crying...
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Shelly,
I cried like a baby reading this post. I know this must be so tough for you because I KNOW how hard you're trying to preserve the Ukrainian culture for your children. It's like you said, Adam is trying the hardest to make that leap from speaking Ukrainian to English and I guess the kids can't help but associate bad memories with being in Ukraine. My heart just breaks to think of these precious kids having gone through what they have in their short time on this Earth. BUT I also think that at some point they will want to embrace their "Ukrainian-ness" I think what you're doing with the Christmas customs, etc..will keep that door open. And hey, if I can learn Ukrainian at 38 having never spoken more than a few words of it my whole life, they'll be able to pick it up again whenever they're ready no problem!!! What it boils down to, is you and John are doing a great, great job and Adam, Liana and Alexa are thriving in the loving family you've all created together :) xo Lisa S.
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