One month home!

Well, we made the One Month Home mark today! They say that the first month is the hardest. Whenever anyone ever said that before we adopted, I wondered what exactly that meant... Let me see if I can summarize.

- The kids have tested us and tested us and tested us. Not only on behavior, but on trust. "Will they really always love me?" etc. A "scared-you-might-not-love-me" child can be a TERROR as far as their behavior goes. The plane trip home is proof positive of that for us. Aleksa's hitting and pinching and screaming and biting have almost completely subsided. Now we have Liana triple-dog-daring us to make her do what we ask of her. They have tested where all the Lines are in our relationships. They have had to hit up *hard* against many behavior rules and we have had to go over and over and over some of the same things. If we say "no" to one kid, the others will purposely and immediately do the same thing just to see "what will happen." This is normal "kid" behavior, but most parents get to gradually deal with their kids as they go from infancy to toddlers, and they get to usually deal with them one at a time on different levels. We have three kids testing us full-force all the time. That has gotten lots better, but there is still a long way to go. The first month we are all still really trying to get to know everyone. Though we loved them the moment we saw them, we didn't KNOW them yet and they didn't necessarily love US immediately. That takes time, and our relationships have been hard-tested and our love from our kids has been hard-won.

- The kids are way too easily over-stimulated. For example, last night the kids went to the park. When they came home, we happened to get a visit from the grandparents. The kids WOULD NOT settle down. They were putting clothespins on grandpa and grandma's faces, stuffing animal crackers in their mouths, etc. No matter how often we told them to settle down (or even SIT down), they absolutely would not. Adam took off with grandpa's shoe when they got ready to leave, etc., etc. This doesn't happen as often as when they first came home, but it still happens. I know a lot of kids get hyper, etc., but the first month home, this happens a lot, and with the language barrier, the relationship barrier (you are still getting to know them and them you), and the "everything is new" factor, it is VERY hard to control. Trips to my dad's house can be really tough if we bring all three. They feed off of each other's energy levels and then they are constantly stuffing things into Grandpa's face and touching/picking up all of Grandpa's Stuff. (Sorry Dad!)

- All three kids, though their ages are 4, 6 and 9 come home developmentally like 2-yr-olds. I don't mean that they are idiots, I just mean that everything is as new to them as things are new to a 2-yr-old. If they are given crayons or markers, they have to break them and color all over anything with them. If they have glue, they want to spread it all over the table, their hands, etc. Markers have to be tested on the couch or their bodies. Give them a pen and they have to carve some writing into their much-sanded-and-stained-handmade-by-mama-and-papa-and-Uncle-John headboard. If you give them stickers, they will put them all over their bodies, their sibling's bodies, the wall, etc. If you give them a sippy-cup... (Ok, I won't go there.) If they find the cleaning supplies, they'll squirt half a bottle of cleanser on the wall/sink/wherever. If you give them a toy, they'll disassemble it or break it, just to see if they can. They are like 2-yr-olds in 4, 6 and 9-yr-old bodies. DANGEROUS. They have to smell everything, touch everything, pick up everything, taste *most* things, etc. I was not prepared for the amount of things we would have to take away from them or how quickly or easily they become overstimulated. When we gave them pencils, they would chew them up and literally take bites out of them. Not just the eraser either. Wood-in-the-mouth type of chewing. *shiver* Give them bandaids and they'll be all used up by the end of the week. One bottle of shampoo lasts only a few days. Liquid soap is a toy too. Ours lasted one day. (We use bar-soap now). One roll of tp lasted 2 days at first. We're now up to about one roll every five days. If I disappeared into the bathroom myself for more than 5 minutes, someone winds up screaming. Basically, we've had to watch them Every Second. All of the above has gotten a LOT better the longer they've been home, but these things still happen with regularity.

- There is also a TON of extra work involved. We adopted three, so that won't be the same for everyone, but I was shocked at how many dirty dishes and dirty clothes three little kids would add to the work-level. Not to mention vacuuming. I did luck out though in that our kids LOVE to clean. They will dust, vacuum, rinse their plates, etc. It is also amazing how much food we are buying. Not only housework, but getting everyone bathed and dressed and teeth brushed and read-to and fed and played with, etc., etc., is a HUGE life adjustment. I was busy before we adopted, but it was a different kind of busy. It was an "at-my-own-pace" busy.

- I almost forgot to list the language issue. Really, that is the least stressful thing about the first month. Most people would consider the language issue a big deal, but we communicate well enough, and they understand a TON of what we say. (For instance, at the lunch table today I kept looking over at Aleksa and I finally said, "Boy, Aleksa, you really did cut a lot off of your hair." She gave me an embarrassed grimace, patted her bangs, and said, "Izvini (I'm sorry), Mama." They aren't speaking a whole lot of English, but are they ever understanding it!

I've mentioned before though, that this isn't "hard," that I'm just "busy." I still stand by that. Hard isn't what we're going through. Hard is what we have ALREADY gone through to get these kids. Hard is wondering why God isn't letting you have children that you desperately want, when all around you people are "accidentally" getting pregnant and are upset and ungrateful about it. Hard is when the free world keeps asking you when you're going to "get busy and have kids," even though you and your hubby have been trying to do so for years. Hard is miscarriages, years of infertility, doctors, vitamins, supplements, hormones, drugs and "bbt's." THAT is hard. Hard times are when you can't sleep at night because of how much you are grieving. These days I'm out as soon as I hit my pillow, and I don't wake up 'til morning. Not hard. We're just busy... and we've never been happier.